


The Peacekeeper

by KarkatVantabulous



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Blood, Branding, Death, Decapitation, Depression, Dreams and Nightmares, Eating Disorders, Excessive Swearing, F/F, F/M, Hallucinations, Karkat Swearing, Karkat has PTSD, M/M, Near Death, Nightmares, Nudity, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sleep Deprivation, Slight Nudity, Swearing, Violence, down talking oneself, injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-23
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-07-26 07:23:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 34
Words: 62,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7565287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KarkatVantabulous/pseuds/KarkatVantabulous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat mysteriously gets thrown into a universe different than the one he was expecting. The worst part is he was alone. For six long years he's gone, his friends accepted the fact that he might be dead. Everyone's moved on. But suddenly, the same beam of light that took him away, brought him right back, but Karkat isn't the same. He might never be the same.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

In the game's final moments the group was rejoicing and celebrating their victory. There were reunions between a distantly related son and father and between friends and potential lovers. The small celebration lasted only a moment before it was cut short. The genesis frog was prepared and within a moment the new door to the new universe appeared. John and Karkat walked up together and opened the door, transporting everyone to Earth. Almost everyone. Karkat, unfortunately, never made it the full trip home and no one knew why. A long two sweeps-- six human years --passed by and everyone has now accepted the fact that their beloved mutant friend was gone, was dead.

Dave took a longer time to accept the fact that his boyfriend was gone. Sure there had been other people since Karkat. Guys, girls both trolls and humans, but they never were Karkat. And because of this Dave refused to believe that Karkat was gone. For days, months, on end Dave stayed up. He always set a place for Karkat at the dinner table. He bought two tickets at the movies. He bought enough food for two. He rented an apartment big enough for two. After a long while he finally came to terms with the fact that his boyfriend was gone. Knowing this only made it even more unbelievable when he got a call from Aradia, a troll friend of Karkat's whom Dave had gotten close to over the years, saying that Karkat just...came back. She said she'd explain more once he got there but Dave was already sprinting out of his small apartment and out to his little motorcycle before racing down to street.

Karkat was back. He was back and hopefully in one piece. Karkat was back and alive. Karkat was back. Dave couldn't believe it. After being convinced that the nubby horned troll was gone, dead, erased from this existence, hearing that he was back made him ecstatic. Though being stuck in traffic made him far less than ecstatic. He wanted to be with Karkat at that moment. He wanted to see how he changed, what he looked like. Did he grow? Was he taller? Muscular? Did he look the same? Was he growing slight facial hair? Did his nubby horns finally sharpen out? All these questions, random ones really, popped into Dave's head as he cursed at the traffic that kept him from the love of his life.

Finally after an agonizing hour stuck on the road Dave made it to the large apartment building that housed Aradia. Cars were already parked on the street and Dave knew exactly who was there. He was tempted to just fly up to the window and crash in but that wouldn't be very guest like of him. So he went in the right way, going up the stairs and pounded on her door. His hands were shaking. Fuck he was nervous. What if Karkat hates him for not doing something? What if Karkat never wanted to speak to him again? No.

No.

Dave took a shaky breath as the door opened. Rose stood there with a solemn face. This wasn't good.

"Where is he?" Dave's voice was shaking. Was it from fear? Excitement? Nervousness? He didn't know. Rose pressed a finger against her lips and shushed him before stepping aside and instructing him to go in slowly and quietly. He did so.

Karkat was there. Laid out on the maroon couch. There were trolls and humans surrounding him. Dave nearly started crying at the sight of him though it wasn't from joy. Yes he was happy to see Karkat but not like this. Not like how he was now. Karkat was laying there, his jaw clenched and his hands in fists so tight it looked like the skin around his knuckles were about to tear. His grey skin was somehow a darker shade of grey and Dave didn't know why. He was wearing armour though it was...shredded to pieces. Underneath the shredded armor he wore his black sweater which was also shredded. Blood was very present, the candy red was staining the maroon and smearing on the metal of his armor, hell it wasn't even just the red blood. It was yellow and purple and blue and green, blood of every color imaginable. He had cuts and bruises and scars and burns on the areas that were visible. Karkat was in pain.

"He just...appeared here." Aradia whispered to Dave, she was holding an ice pack to the side of her head. "When he woke up he hit me square in the head and was reaching for his sickle when I froze him. Time powers to the rescue." Dave blinked and looked around before he spotted them. The two big sickles were thrown in the corner, both the weapons covered in a rainbow of blood as well. The freshest looking one was the rich purple that belonged to Gamzee. "He refuses to let anyone except Equius and Sollux near him. When Gamzee tried to get within a foot of him he tried to snap his neck!" This wasn't right. "We're kind of hoping him seeing you would calm him down."

Dave stumbled foreword and knelt before Karkat. He wanted to reach out and grab the troll's hand. To run his thumb across it and kiss it and cry. But he couldn't. Not now. Equius stood in front of Dave, blocking his view of Karkat and Sollux slowly reached a hand over and touched his friend's forehead. A second later the troll woke up. Equius waited a moment or two before he slowly moved out of Dave's way and revealed the human to the troll.

At first everything was going well. They were just staring at each other and no one was getting hurt, unless you count the emotional pain Dave was feeling. The next second it was like Karkat was a feral beast. The tiny troll lunged at him and Equius had time to grab the troll who immediately calmed down.

This wasn't supposed to be happening.


	2. Chapter 2

Dave didn't know why Karkat only acted slightly calm when Equius or Sollux were holding his hands or talking to him or just generally _near_ him. He didn't know why Karkat lunged at him. He didn't know what was wrong with Karkat but he knew he wanted to hold him and cry. Though it was obvious that that wasn't an option at the moment.

"Karkat..." The previous Knight of Time tried to sound as confident as possible but that failed. Karkat said nothing so Dave spoke again. "Hey man...long time no see huh?" Again silence. "I missed you dude..." This time Karkat spoke. But not in English. Dave only heard this a handful of times before back in the game, back on the meteor. Whenever Karkat got especially stressed of angry he would angrily mumble to himself in his weird alien language. It sounded like a bunch of cicadas having sex and Dave was always mesmerized by it. Right now though, he wasn't mesmerized. Right now he was sort of...terrified. Karkat's voice was low and hoarse. He was glaring daggers at Dave as he spoke in that odd language of his. When he was done, everyone was silent. Then Equius spoke to the troll. All Dave could do was sit there and watch as the two trolls spoke to each other in their native tongues. He didn't even notice John walk over and sit down next to him.

"You okay?" Dave shrugged and pushed his shades to the top of his head. He wasn't okay in all honesty. This entire thing was fucking him up. Karkat was back after _six fucking years_ and he seemed batshit insane. And the most insane part of all of this was that Dave's heart still swelled with happiness at the sight of the troll. Fuck, he was messed up. "Well...I know this must be pretty fucking hard for you but hang in there buddy." John smiled and showed off his buck teeth. John had been Dave's friend for what felt like a lifetime, and even after that lifetime he couldn't help but slightly smile at his best bro's goofy grin.

"Good news," Sollux turned around to face the group, his hands clasped together, "I figured out what the fuck is wrong with KK." The group practically leaned forward and listened. "He hates you," he pointed at Eridan. "you," Aradia, "you," Vriska, "and you," he pointed at Gamzee. "Also he's terrified of you," he pointed at Gamzee yet again. "you," Vriska. "you," Eridan. "and you." Dave, "There's a couple more people but uh...you guys get the picture." Dave. Sollux pointed at Dave this time. There was confused murmuring and Sollux loudly shushed everyone. Karkat flinched at the sound. "I'm not done jackasses. It also turns out that I and this sweaty sack of garbage are, or I guess _were_ , his quadrant mates. That's really all this blubbering douche has said so far." The confused murmuring resumed but Dave stayed quiet.

Karkat was scared of him. Karkat was _scared_ of _Dave_. He blinked and pulled his shades back down before forcing himself to relax in his chair. He promised himself that once the game ended he for sure would never use those god forsaken powers again but desperate times call for desperate measures. He closed his eyes and let the familiar sound of rusty gears turning echo through his mind. It was sort of like he was walking through a hallway filled with doors. Each door had a different timeline behind it. When he found the correct one, the only one left with the sound of clocks ticking loudly, he opened the door and took a quick peek inside.

Everything here was in balance. The alpha Dave was there, still protecting the timeline. All the alpha trolls, the beta kids and alpha kids and even the sprites that they had miraculously managed to bring into the new world. Everything was normal. The Karkat that laid before Dave was the exact same one from this timeline. He was the real deal and that somehow made Dave both very happy and immensely sad. The Strider opened his eyes and let out a long sigh. Karkat was clinging onto Sollux's hand, glaring daggers at everyone in the room besides the select few he didn't hate or was scared of. Dave sat there, staring at Karkat through his shades and finally Karkat eye contact with him.

The previous grey iris' of Karkat's adolescent life were gone and replaced with a stunning candy red. They were beautiful and horrifying at the same time. _He_ was beautiful and horrifying. Dave pushed his shades up once more, he remembered how Karkat used to think Dave's eyes were fascinating, and smiled while giving him a tiny wave. He noticed that Karkat's grip on Sollux's hand tightened, his other hand crept over to the blue blood's hand. Dave frowned a little and returned his attention to Sollux who had resumed talking.

"So yeah. I'll just...take care of him I guess? Until he isn't acting like a homicidal wriggler." Karkat mumbled something in his weird alien language but Sollux disregarded it. "Equius _will_ help out too since KK is attached to him as well." The muscular troll gave curt nod, awkwardly and gently holding Karkat's hand back. "And we'll figure out what the fuck to do with the rest of you. For now I guess we'll just...leave." Sollux spoke to Karkat and Karkat looked at Equius for a long moment before letting go of his hand and standing up slowly. The Gemini troll bade farewell to his friends and led Karkat outside.

Dave waited a moment as everyone began trickling out. He spoke when Aradia, Kanaya, Rose, John, and himself were the only ones left. "What happened to him." Kanaya and Aradia looked at one another then at Dave. They shrugged simultaneously.

"We have no clue in all honesty." The Jade blood sighed and rubbed her temples. "He won't talk to any of us other than Sollux and Equius and when he does talk he communicates in Alternian. It's been...a very long time since our home planet was blown to smithereens and I'm questioning whether or not that's _our_ Karkat or some random copy that was somehow flung in here."

"It's our Karkat." Dave and Aradia said simultaneously. The Knight of Time glumly smiled at the two trolls before slowly pulling himself up off his seat.

"Whatever the fuck happened to him, or whatever the fuck is fucking him up I will make sure to un-fuck him up. Mark my words. I, Dave Strider, will make sure that he, Karkat Vantas, is back to his previous grouchy-shouty-romcom-loving self."

"That's very...generous of you to step up and try to get him to come back to his old self but how are you ever going to dream of doing that, Dave?" Rose looked at her brother and placed a firm hand on his shoulder. "You saw the way he looked at you. You saw the way he attempted to attack you. He's scared to death of you, so much that he's more than willing to hurt you. This just seems like...it'd be impossible for you to accomplish." Rose had a point and God did Dave hate it when Rose was right.

"Just because it seems like it's impossible doesn't mean that it can't happen. We've done impossible shit before, right John?" Dave elbowed the dark haired boy that was silent up until now.

"Yeah! Like remember when we all went out to try to find clothes that were up to Kanaya's standards? That was pretty fucking impossible but hey, here we are. Fully clothed." Dave smiled, appreciating his best friend's attempt at lightening the mood. Rose however, didn't find John's comment as amusing as Dave did.

"Dave, this is serious. Whatever Karkat went through will have some sort of major impact on him. Something or someone caused him to now act the way he is and something changed his opinion on us. Whatever that is it's really serious and I cannot stress enough that as of now, whatever relationship you two had in the past is gone. You can't just pick up where you left off hoping he'd follow along like a lost puppy and everything would be the same. If you're really going to do this...you have to be prepared for anything to happen. Are you really prepared for this Dave?" Rose was eyeing Dave down, waiting for his answer. Finally Dave sighed and shrugged his shoulders.

"Honestly Rose, I have no fucking clue what I'm dragging myself into. I don't know if I'm prepped enough to fight this battle. But also, I don't really give a shit. I don't care if Karkat now hates me or whatever. I don't care if I can't pick up where I left off with him now, or any time in the near future. I just want to help him because after six years of not seeing him, he comes back like that? No, fuck that. I'm going to repay what he did for _me_ six years ago. I'm going to help him through this. I'm going to help him get his old self back as best as I can." 

"Alright," the previous Seer of Light hesitantly nodded, "if you're going to actually do this then I wish you the best of luck." Dave nodded and thanked her, grabbing his coat and beginning to walk out.

He was going to need luck if he was actually going to have any chance of helping bring Karkat back to his old self.


	3. Chapter 3

_"What's your name?"_ Sollux asked in Alternian. He hasn't spoken it in sweeps but it seems to be the only way that Karkat is willing to communicate with him. The troll sitting across from him has refused to remove the torn up armor and tattered sweater. He claimed that he doesn't want Sollux seeing whatever was underneath.

_"The Peacekeeper."_ The Knight of Blood stated in his hoarse voice. His tone was monotone and it was bugging Sollux to no extent. The Gemini sighed again and pinched the bridge of his nose.

_"No. What's your **actual** name?"_

_"The Peacekeeper."_ Sollux sighed loudly in frustration and flopped back on to his couch. He was getting absolutely _nowhere_ with Karkat. He kept responding with "The Peacekeeper." What the fuck did that mean? What was a 'peacekeeper'? Why was he one? Where was he all this time? Why is he in armor and covered in blood? His psionics were crackling around his eyes and Karkat put a hand on Sollux's knee.

_"I'm sorry."_ The troll shook his head and willed himself to calm down. He couldn't stress out now. Karkat was basically a fucking grub like this, he couldn't get mad at a grub that's barely learning.

_"It's fine. You didn't do anything. Let's just continue. What's your name?"_ This time Karkat paused for a moment before speaking.

_"Karkat Vantas."_ Karkat Vantas. Sollux smiled widely and sat up straight again. Good. This was good. This was progress. Karkat saw Sollux's smile and smiled as well, showing off his teeth which were either broken or fully gone. Sollux grimaced at the sight of his friend's teeth and made a mental note to take him to a dentist soon.

_"Good. Now what's my name?"_

_"The Architect."_ No. No no no. Sollux groaned and flopped back down. _"...Sollux Captor. The Empress' personal Architect."_ Sollux shrugged and made the so-so hand motion with his hand.

_"You got my name part right but I don't know what the fuck the rest of that junk is."_ The cancer troll frowned and stayed quiet, pulling his knees up to his chest. He hissed slightly in pain, the movement made the injuries underneath his tattered clothing to sting quite a bit. _"Hey, we're getting there."_ Sollux reluctantly patted his friend's knee. He was determined to help Karkat remember something, anything. He didn't know what had happened but he was prepared to undo whatever they did to him. Karkat however, was less than determined. Karkat was confused and scared. One moment he's passing out on a stone floor and the next moment he's waking up surrounded by people who should be dead or not or wherever else they're supposed to be. He didn't know where he was and all his instincts from the past two sweeps screamed that he should just attack those who posed a threat to him. Yet he didn't for some reason.

Karkat _did_ know what was going on though, he just refused to believe it was actually happening. The Blind Prophet, more commonly known as The Decider, had informed him of his future. Though her fortune for him was vague, he had always known this day would come. The day he would go home. But what was home now? He hadn't the foggiest clue. After sweeps of being trapped in that hell hole, that was home to him. Or at least he thought it was home. Karkat blinked when Sollux spoke again, and quickly responded. He was asking for his name for what seemed like the bazillionth time. He knew his own name, why did he keep asking?

Eventually after a good ten or so minutes longer of of those asinine questions, Sollux called for a break. The gold blooded troll yawned and stood up, instantly going to his husktop. Karkat just stayed in his spot. Something was off. No, not just something. _Everything_ was off. Everything was wrong yet nothing was wrong. Karkat knew what was going on. Karkat knew where he was. Karkat knew what had happened to him, Karkat just didn't believe it yet. He didn't believe that he had just spent two sweeps of his life dragging himself through hell. He didn't believe that he had lived his own life, separate from his closest friends yet he never left their sides. He couldn't believe that just like that, it was all over. That separate life he had been living had just vanished. He had just vanished. It wasn't possible.

~

Equius stopped by later that day, he had brought a fresh change of clothes for Karkat to wear since he still wore that bloody best up armor and ripped up sweater. The blue blood sat with the lower blood and attempted to make small talk with him. Karkat just refused to speak. He refused to look at Equius or Sollux. It hurt too much. Equius and Sollux both grabbed one of Karkat's hands, Equius' motions were more awkward and hesitant than Sollux's, and gently talked to him, rubbing their thumbs over his hands and _fuck_. That was it for him. The floodgates were down and a river of red tinted tears began streaming down his cheeks.

_"Karkat, Karkat what's wrong? How can we help you? Please, talk to us or look at us. Let us help you."_ Sollux said soothingly and Karkat finally looked up at the two. It only hurt because every time he looked at the two trolls in front of him, he saw them. Karkat forced himself to stop blubbering and once he did, he took a deep breath and said in a calm voice,

_"You two...are nothing like them. Yet you're so similar. And it hurts to even look at you because it reminds me that things here will never be the same as things there. And it reminds me of what I did to them..."_ Karkat was struggling to keep himself together. Fuck, this was all wrong. Everything here was wrong. This hive, this world, Equius, Sollux, _himself_. Everything was _wrong_. But he couldn't do anything to fix it, he couldn't go back to his previous life. He didn't know if he wanted to actually.

Sollux raised an eyebrow at Equius who shrugged. Karkat's breathing was shaky, his arms were shaking. He couldn't look at them anymore. Whenever he saw them he just saw the other's faces. He saw all the blood. He could practically hear them say "It's okay, it's not your fault." Karkat was blinking back tears and staring down at his shoes. He could hear Equius and Sollux try to calm him down and get him to talk but they sounded far away. He couldn't stay here anymore. Not with Equius and Sollux. Not with any one of his old friends, all he ever saw in their faces were the faces of the others and a looming cloud of guilt passed over him. Karkat had to get away.

~

"Where is he going to stay?" Sollux frustratedly whispered to Equius. "The only other people he doesn't exactly hate are Kanaya and Feferi but I don't think we should really let him stay with FF. Especially with whatever the markings mean on his arm..."

"No," Equius shook his head, "he most definitely won't stay there. Nepeta spends an abundant amount of time there and if he happens to snap and she gets hurt... No. He is not going there." Sollux rubbed his temples.

"Then _where?_ He doesn't want to stay with either of us because of whatever he apparently did to us. Kanaya lives with Rose and Rose freaks him out. I honestly have no goddamn clue what to do EQ."

"There has to be another troll that can take care of him. Maybe a human? Or a Sprite. Someone, I may not exactly...count him as a friend but even I don't want to leave him on his own. And I would offer to take care of him in my own give but..." Both trolls stayed quiet, mulling over who would be the best possibly candidate to help Karkat get on track to living a normal life. The troll in question was supposed to be sleeping but his body didn't really allow that, instead he just stood behind the two trolls. Quietly and unnoticed. He heard everything they said and thought himself. Who _would_ be best for him?

Karkat thought back, far back. Terezi may be a good option except she lived with that blue blooded bitch. If Karkat was so much as teen feet near her he'd lose it. Maybe that Rose look-a-like, her mother Roxy. Then again she did look like Rose...one misunderstanding and it wouldn't end well.

The two trolls in front of Karkat sighed once more and resumed talking. That's when it hit Karkat. He spent copious amounts of time with...Dave back when he was younger. He could live with him.

Except Karkat didn't want to. He didn't want to live in fear, not anymore. He didn't want to see his stupid smirk staring down from above him as Dave inaudibly spoke foul words and killed him slowly and painfully. He didn't want to stay with Dave. He didn't want to stay with that filthy killer. He didn't want to--

No.

Karkat took a quiet, shaky breath. That wasn't Dave. Those...killings weren't real. That _wasn't_ Dave. If Karkat remember correctly Dave was not like that. He was _nothing_ like that. Dave was...nice. He would help him. Karkat needed help, and what better way to get help than to take a giant leap forward and overcoming his fear of Dave?

"Come on you horse loving sack of shit!" Sollux said in agitation. His psionics were crackling again. "Think of something! There seriously cannot be a single goddamn person that isn't good for him!"

"I know someone." Karkat mumbled quietly. Though he spoke quietly that still made the two jump in surprise.

"Vantas you're supposed to be sleeping. You require rest, now I demand you get back in either that uncomfortable bed or the coon this instant." Karkat stood there, staring at Equius who was pointing behind him to Sollux's room before walking to the other side of the couch. Equius sighed and just gave up on the spot, too tired and frustrated to even attempt to fight Karkat on this. "You said you had a suggestion?" Karkat nodded. "Say it then."

"Dave. I can live with Dave."


	4. Chapter 4

"Is he ready?" Dave asked from just outside the front door. Sollux nodded glumly and motioned for Equius to walk Karkat over. Dave had to fight the urge to run over and hug him since he knew it'd probably freak the small troll out but _fuck_ , Dave missed Karkat so much. He missed him even more this past month knowing that he was just over at Sollux's and yet he couldn't go see him. He was more than surprised that Karkat had asked to stay with Dave by name, last time they saw each other Karkat said he was terrified of Dave.

Karkat was gripping onto Equius's arm tightly, his sharp nails digging into the grey skin but the indigo blood didn't seem to mind. He spoke quietly to Karkat, even going as far to leaning down a bit. Karkat kept his head lowered and continued staring down at the ground, nodding once Equius was done and walked towards Dave. Karkat still didn't look up.

Sollux sighed and bid farewell to the smaller troll before closing the door. Dave didn't know what to do. His hand reached over to interlock with Karkat's but he stopped himself and instead walked beside him slowly. The two made their way out of Sollux's apartment and outside into the bustling streets. Karkat stayed quiet the entire walk to Dave's apartment and this silence killed him. He wanted to talk to Karkat, to hear him talk. He wanted to hold him and cry and never let him go. He wanted to vent and talk about what he felt during the entire time his boyfriend was gone but he couldn't do any of that. Not now at least.

"So...I got Kanaya to bring over one of those slime pod things for you to sleep in. Since I know ya don't really like laying down on an actual bed and shit..." Karkat stayed quiet. "We put it in my room, pushed the bed aside and everything. But I'll be sleeping in the living room so..." More silence. "I uh, I also got you some 'Welcome Home' gifts. Just a little something something to help you ease your way back into the swing of things." Karkat grunted what Dave hoped was a thank you but he wasn't too sure.

Once they arrived at Dave's small apartment building he led Karkat upstairs to his own dingy apartment and ushered him in. Karkat wasted no time in walking straight to the human's small couch and sat down, hugging a throw pillow to his chest. The previous Knight of Time cleared his throat awkwardly and sat down besides his friend. Neither of them spoke for a while and just sat there marinating in the awkward silence between them. Dave was the one to finally break the tension.

"So uh, are you going to talk to me? Like at all?" The troll took a sideways glance at Dave. "Or are you still only speaking the crazy bug language? Do you even understand what I'm saying or am I just mindlessly talking to myself like a complete jackass?" Dave swore he saw the smallest hints of a smile play on Karkat's lips when he said that. Karkat slowly turned himself, wincing as he did, to face Dave.

"I do understand you." He croaked out, his voice hoarse and raspy. He was quieter than before but Dave didn't care. It was so amazing hearing his voice again, it gave Dave life again. The albino smiled widely and fought the urge to hug the smaller male. "It just hurts to talk."

"Say no more." Dave instantly stood up and practically ran to his tiny kitchen. Karkat blinked but stayed still and clutched the pillow tighter to his chest. A moment later and Dave was rushing back with a cup of tea, he had some in case he had to entertain a certain pair of ladies. He practically shoved the cup's handle into Karkat's hand and instructed him to drink up. The troll eyed the cup suspiciously, every cell in his thinkpan screamed not to drink it. Every instinct he had developed over the past two sweeps told him that Dave was an enemy. Dave should be feared. Do not trust Dave. And why? Over a single stupid cup of tea? This was pointless. "You okay dude?" Dave asked upon seeing Karkat glaring down at the small cup in his hands and yanking Karkat away from his thoughts. The cancer troll nodded and hesitantly brought the cup up to his lips and took a small sip. Nothing to worry about, it was fine.

"Thank you..." The troll mumbled and Dave nodded. Karkat took another sip of his tea. Everything was silent again, the only real sound was the muffled noise of traffic outside. Karkat could feel Dave's eyes on himself, he knew Dave was watching his every single move and he just wanted to scream at him to stop. To leave him alone. Finally Karkat finished his tea and set the cup down, turning himself slightly to face Dave.

"So...you're a few years late to the post battle after party. But I'm sure I saved a piece of cake for you in the fridge." He laughed nervously in hopes of getting Karkat to crack a smile, he didn't. The Knight of Time cleared his throat and nervously messed with the fringes of a throw pillow. "I uh, I'm pretty sure you know I'm real fucking curious as to where the fuck you where these past few years, but if you aren't comfortable enough telling me that's cool. I'll just wait until you are and when you are I'll be here with my lil' cup of tea and we'll hash this out. Good?" Karkat hummed his reply but Dave wasn't exactly convinced. "Is there anything you want to talk about now? Like, anything at all? Shit it doesn't even have to be about ya know, these past few years. Could be about what you did over at Sollux's house."

The troll sighed. Obviously Dave wasn't going to give this up any time soon. "I don't feel like talking." The human blinked, looking like Karkat had just kicked his puppy. Karkat didn't care though, he simply stood up and led himself out the living room and into Dave's tiny respiteblock, after accidentally walking into the ablutionblock. The cancer troll could hear Dave shuffling around outside so he quickly stripped down to his boxers, attempting to not agitate the many many wounds that littered his body, and slowly climbed into the sopor. It wasn't long before he drifted off to a restless sleep...

~

_Everything was bright. Karkat didn't know what was going on and suddenly he lost sight of Dave and the hand that was once grabbing onto Karkat's arm had disappeared. The troll attempted to speak but nothing came out. He tried again, still nothing. Not long after that did he fall face first to the dirt ground of someplace._

_The troll didn't know where he was. He didn't see his friends, he didn't see the sprites or ghosts or anyone. It was just...empty. No. Not empty. Something or someone was approaching. He slowly stood up, his sickles falling out of his sylladex and into his hands. A horse came into view, then Eridan. Eridan. Karkat grinned when he saw the sea dweller, it was so long. So so long since he saw and held a proper conversation with the Prince of the sea. Karkat was about ready to tackle the violet blood off the horse when he spoke in a series of of clicks and chrrs. The mutant blooded troll blinked, a moment later realizing that Eridan was speaking in their native tongue._

"Who are you? Why are you out here by yourself?" _Eridan took a look at Karkat's two sickles and the grip on the reigns of the heavily armored horse tightened. Karkat blinked in confusion._

"I'm...Karkat. Karkat Vantas and in all honesty I have no goddamn clue what the fuck I'm doing out here." _Karkat explained. He was confused as fuck. Maybe he got trapped in a dream bubble? Maybe this was some weird alt-timeline Eridan that loves to actively role play? Yeah. That had to be it._

_Eridan grumbled and just stared at Karkat for a moment before snapping his fingers. Almost instantly there were trolls, trolls he's never seen before, surrounding him and holding him down. Of course by now Karkat had came to full realization that this wasn't a dream bubble and he was in actual fucking danger. Karkat struggled against the other trolls' grip but with so many of them holding him his resistance was futile._

"Eridan you nook-licking fuck head, tell these morons to let me go!" _Eridan looked taken aback at the sound of his name but Karkat didn't notice this look because he was too busy snapping at the other trolls, calling them profanities and actually snapping his dull teeth at them. Eridan caught the eye of one of the trolls that was holding Karkat's left arm down and attempting to pry the sickle out of his iron tight grip. The sea dweller nodded at the troll and the other troll nodded back in response. The next second Karkat was getting hit over the head and dropping to ground, unconscious._

~

Karkat woke up in a cold sweat, his heart racing and his breath coming out in short pants. For a moment he felt like he was actually there again, it felt so real. His dream was so real. Karkat pulled himself up out of the the coon and jumped out into the cold air, dripping wet with slime.

It was nighttime now, Karkat had surprisingly slept a good couple of hours and he felt energized more energized than usual though still dead tired. He slowly and quietly creeped out of Dave's respiteblock and into the the darkness of the small apartment. Even though it was dark, Karkat could still perfectly see Dave peacefully sleeping on the couch, music sounding from his headphones. Karkat tiptoed into the bathroom and shut the door, turning on the light.

Karkat sighed and grabbed a towel that was hanging on the shower's curtain holder, gently wiping off all the slime. The stupid stuff was supposed to keep bad dreams away, this shit was utterly useless. Karkat might as well just sleep in Dave's uncomfortable looking sleeping mat if he was just going to suffer all night. Once all the slime was gone, Karkat threw the used towel into the bathrooms corner and yawned, glancing at himself in the mirror.

His eyes always surprised him every time he looked at his reflection. They were just so vivid and intimidating. Sometimes he couldn't believe they were his own. Karkat examined himself in the mirror taking in every detail about himself. He certainly changed from back then. For one he was much more muscular than before, though it didn't seem like he was. His eyes looked even more vacant and tired than what he could remember they were in his younger years and his frown looked even impassive as well. The many cuts and scars and burns and bruises and all on Karkat's chest made him frown. He remembered when he was younger his body was absolutely perfect, in his image. No cuts or scratches or scars or bruises of any kind ever. Of course back then he was only so careful with injuries because he didn't want his blood color to be exposed. Now he didn't really care. It was just blood, so what?

The cancer troll gave his reflection one last look over before turning off the light and leaving the bathroom. He froze when he heard Dave mumble something in his sleep, his instincts momentarily kicking in and telling him to prepare for hand-to-hand battle since his weapons weren't currently on his person. Luckily though, Dave didn't make another sound and Karkat relaxed, returning to Dave's room and sitting on the bed. He didn't want to go to sleep. If he did he'd just have another dream and another memory to relive. Karkat didn't want to relive those memories, he just wanted to forget that place and move on with his life.

"Will I though?" Karkat mumbled aloud. "Will I ever really get over that shit hole?" He closed his eyes and held his face in his hands. This whole thing was frustrating him. Half the time Karkat wanted to go back, he was used to things there and he could handle himself. It was better if he was in a place that he knew. On the other hand though, he loved the idea of being free from barely getting any basic needs done. He could eat and sleep as much as he wanted. His friends, his real friends, were here and he was finally safe. No more fighting, no more hurting. Everything was fine. This was insane, why would he want to go back to such a horrible place?

What was he taking about why? He knew why. For some sick, twisted reason he loved being there. He loved feeling like he was the strongest one. He loved the praise and attention he received when he successfully returned with an enemy camp. For some disgusting reason he loved that attention even though he was getting it by basically killing other trolls and nearly killing himself a handful of times in the process.

Fuck. He couldn't think about this anymore, not now at least. Karkat shuffled through a bag Dave had given him to keep whatever he could fit from his sylladex in there and fished out an old tattered book. It was the diary of The Architect, the Sollux that Karkat fell flushed for while he was away in that other mysterious universe. It probably wasn't the best way to keep his mind off of his whole dilemma but Karkat didn't care. He gingerly opened up the book and began reading, soon losing himself in the secret world and thoughts of someone he was so close to.


	5. Chapter 5

"I got Kanaya to make you some new clothes." Dave mumbled, glancing over at Karkat who was sitting across the table from him. The mutant blooded troll just sat there, staring at the bowl of cereal Dave had prepared for him. "Dude come on. I didn't wake up at seven in the goddamn morning to make you the most exquisite bowl of off brand Honey Combs." Karkat continued staring at the cereal. The human sighed and put his spoon down in his own bowl and pushed it aside. "Fine. If you don't eat I won't eat." Karkat glanced up at Dave but didn't say anything. Dave sighed and rubbed his eyes. He was hungry as fuck but he was also going to make a point. He grabbed the bowl of half eaten cereal and dumped it in the sink before plopping back down in his seat. Karkat blinked but still didn't say anything.

"Alright fine, you don't have to eat but you have to at least let me give you a bath. You reek and I can't stand all the dried blood on you anymore. It doesn't even look like you bathed in the month you've been here. Did Sollux like, mention bathing you at all?"

"Yes," Karkat mumbled, "but I didn't really want to and every time they tried I just...hid." Dave scoffed.

"Seriously Karkat? You hid? What, did you suddenly have Harry's invisibility cloak? Could they just not find you and eventually give up on getting you to bathe? If so, then that's a load of bullshit."

"No, I just...I just didn't want to take a bath okay?? Is that really so bad??"

"Yes! Karkat for god's sake you're covered in dried blood. Honestly I'm surprised you didn't die of an infection, your cuts and shit can't be clean."

"Dave, I don't need a fucking bath. You can't bully me into taking a bath! If I don't want to take a bath I won't!"

"Fuck no dude. You aren't _not_ getting out of this. You have to be sanitary and fight off infections. Plus you gotta get all squeaky clean because later on you have a doctor _and_ a dentist appointment. I can't have you stanking up the place while they're trying to find every bruise, cut, or bump on you." Karkat glared at Dave, his mouth curling over one fang. "Nope. That scary bullshit won't work on me. So go into that bathroom and get ready for a bath or so help me I will get the hose and bathe you out on the sidewalk." Karkat snarled but stood up and stomped to the bathroom.

Dave had been living with Karkat for a couple of days. In those couple of days Dave realized that Karkat...changed. Well obviously he changed, he wasn't going to be exactly the same as before but these changes were drastic. More than Dave thought. The small troll Dave fell in love with six years ago no longer spoke his mind, instead he was quiet and closed up. He no longer eagerly munched on food as Dave talked about his day. He no longer jumped up and down when Dave mentioned his favorite actor. Karkat was different and in all honesty, it hurt Dave a little. But even if the troll he used to know was gone, Dave wasn't about to leave him. He was set on helping him.

The human grabbed a couple necessary bathing items and walked into the bathroom. Karkat was still fully clothed and sitting on the toilet. Dave sighed and instructed him to start stripping down as he turned on the bath water.

Karkat was less then eager to strip down. A part of him said that he didn't need Dave to give him a bath, he was a big troll now. He could do it himself. Then again if Karkat could do it himself he would've done it by now. He wouldn't of been acting childish with Sollux and Equius and hid at the mention of a bath. He had a reason for not wanting to bathe though, he didn't want to see what was under his clothes. He didn't want to look at it unless he had to. He only changed a handful of times because he was too distraught at the sight of the brands and scars.

The troll reluctantly began pulling his clothes off, dreading Dave's soon to be reaction to the horrors that he so well hid underneath his clothing all this time. The human had his back to the troll and Karkat was grateful for it. A minute later and Karkat was standing in the bathroom, tense, uncomfortable, and nude.

"Alright dude, bathwater's all nice and warm so you can get your ass in..." Dave turned and winced. Karkat was practically covered in scars, burns, stabs and just about any sort of injury possible. Karkat awkwardly clambered into the bathtub, hissing as the water slightly stung his open wounds. All Dave did was stare. All he _could_ do was stare. "Karkat...Karkat I-"

"Just shut up and give me a fucking bath already so we can soon pass this uncomfortable moment." Karkat snapped, crossing his legs to hopefully cover his crotch. Not that it mattered, Dave had seen what went on in his pants long ago.

Dave obediently knelt down besides his friend and poured a generous amount of shampoo into his hand before massaging it into Karkat's scalp. Karkat gulped, keeping his eyes fixated on his legs and not daring to speak. He knew Dave had questions, he knew he couldn't answer them. Not now at least. But he would answer them. Eventually.

~

"What the fuck are you doing now?" _Karkat growled out to Eridan who was dragging him by the arm out of the courtyard. Karkat had been here, wherever it was, for a few months now. He had created a nice rhythm for himself; wake up, eat, train, eat, bathe, sleep. He squeezed other basic necessities in there too but that was the gist of it._

_The inhabitants of this odd new place was strictly trolls. There were no humans much to Karkat's dismay, but it was nice to live in another world with his own kind. Among the new crowd of trolls he had to live with some familiar faces were there. Karkat had stumbled upon his friends, more specifically Equius, Eridan, and Feferi. His encounters with them weren't the most comfortable, in fact it was the exact opposite of comfortable._

_Karkat didn't know where he was but he knew that there were versions of his friends here. Versions that lived completely different lives than himself and his friends. Versions that had no clue who Karkat was._

_Eridan was an Emperor or something along the lines of that. The sea dweller seemed to be richer than ever, he had an entire room filled with gold and other treasures. He wore expensive clothing, all that had to have something violet on it so no one would forget that his hue was nearly the highest. Golden glasses adorned his face and stood proudly at the very bridge of his nose and matching horn rings, ear rings, and regular rings decorated his body. This Eridan made Karkat address him as The Warlorde._

_The Warlorde was the general of Her Imperial Radiance's army. A strict leader but he had his soft moments, only when The Empress reminded him that he had to spread peace to her people. He was also Her Imperial Radiance's matesprit._

_Her Imperial Radiace, a.k.a. Feferi, was The Empress. She was beautiful without a doubt. Long luscious hair was tucked into one giant braid which had flowers at times. Her crown was small and simple, more of a tiara. Her dress was long, white, and plain with only a single fuchsia sash tied into a ribbon around her waist. She carried her double sided trident with her, though just for decoration._

_Her Imperial Radiance was a peaceful, kind Empress. She didn't believe in killing off trolls if they were weak and old. She didn't believe in going around in claiming things that weren't hers. Her only goal was to be peaceful. She was everything Feferi aspired to be and in a way, she technically achieved her goal._

_The Warlorde dragged Karkat to the Empress' throne room, angrily muttering under his breath but Karkat caught a couple of foul words aimed towards him. Her Imperial Radiance was standing there proudly, her two sided trident in her hand and by her side she had Kanaya, or more formally known as The Caretaker._

_Karkat stood awkwardly in front of The Empress and she smiled warmly down at him. After a quick speech Karkat understood what was going on._

_He was going to be knighted. More importantly, he was going to be Her Imperial Radiance's personal knight. He knelt down in front of her as she spoke again and tapped his shoulders with her trident. The newly knighted troll was grinning from ear to ear as he stood up. The Empress' smile had faltered ever so slightly. She murmured an 'I'm sorry.' What? What was she sorry for. The Warlorde chuckled quietly from behind him. Karkat turned around to see The Caretaker now standing there, two white hot branding irons in her hands and a solemn expression on her face._

~

Karkat woke up in a cold sweat again. He had managed to take short nap on Dave's, hoping that he wouldn't have to relieve anything else. Sadly he was mistaken and the nap brought on yet another painful dream. Oh well, what's done is done.

"Oh, great you're up." Dave said, causing the troll to jump slightly. "Shit, didn't mean to scare you." He stood awkwardly to the side of the couch, eyeing down Karkat from behind his shades. They both knew what Dave was dying to ask and that only made the air between them more awkward then ever. "I'm just going to come right out and say it, what happened to you Karkat?" Dave reluctantly sat down by the troll's feet, his shades were pushed up so Karkat could clearly see the worry and curiosity on the albino's face.

"Dave," Karkat sighed and sat up more, "it's nothing." Dave gave him a look of disbelief. "I've told you before, I went through some things. A lot of things. I'd rather not talk about it and it hurts my throat to talk so much. Maybe I'll tell you another day." Dave frowned but nodded and stood up, offering a hand to Karkat.

"Alright, but you better tell me eventually. Let's just go to your doctors appointment, okay?" The troll nodded and allowed himself to be led out the apartment. He was already cringing at the thought of all the questions and tests the stupid doctor would give Karkat.


	6. Chapter 6

"Alright Karkat," Dave called out as he shut the front door with his foot, his arms were busy carrying bags of food and other errands, "I got your vitamins, your sleep meds, your painkillers, and pretty much every other fucking medication the doctor prescribed you." The human glanced over to his troll friend who was just sitting on the couch, his twin sickles in his hands and staying perfectly still. Karkat looked as if he hadn't moved from that spot since Dave left approximately two hours ago. "...Come on over and pop one of these badass motherfucking gummy vitamins in your mouth." Karkat did as told. He obediently stood up and left a single sickle on the couch before walking over to Dave and waited patiently for him to set his things down and give Karkat his much needed vitamin.

Dave hated this.

Dave hated how Karkat was so...obedient...so robotic. So unlike himself. Dave missed the Karkat who retaliated everything with a snarky comment. He missed the Karkat with the spunk in his step. Yes it was nice having Karkat back, he missed his friend, but he never wanted Karkat to return to him so...different.

"The label says to only take one but you know what, fuck the label. You're taking two." Karkat shrugged and ate the two handed to him before sitting back down. Not a word was said and Dave was left in the kitchen with an open jar of gummy vitamins in his hand. Karkat was back to sitting quietly on the couch. "...I uh, I splurged a bit and got you some special treats." Still silence. This was fine. Dave knew how to fix this. He grabbed a plastic bag off the kitchen table and sat down on the coffee table in front of Karkat.

"Look. I got our-- your old favorites." Dave dumped the contents of the bag into the couch besides Karkat who turned to look. "Got us "Good Luck Chuck", some buttered popcorn, and even some of those sour ass candies you liked. This time they'll be the proper amount of sour instead of the shitty way I alchemized them." Dave smiled and looked at Karkat expectantly. "I figured we could...y'know, recreate old times on the giant rock. Snuggle up on the couch and watch our old favorite while munching on cliche and overused movie snacks." Karkat responded with a shrug and Dave swore he could hear his own heart break. "Oh, yeah, I mean, it's cool. It's whatever. We'll just see how you're feeling later, cool? Yeah. Yeah..." He cleared his throat and stood up, going back to the kitchen. "I'll get dinner started soon..."

This was going to be harder than expected.

~

_Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave._

_That one name. That one face. He kept popping up in Karkat's mind and it was distracting him. He hated that he missed Dave so much. He hated himself for getting distracted over Dave._

_Dave. Dave. Dave. Dave._

_Karkat was too slow and didn't block the opposing sword and was scratched. Thank god this was just a practice. If he were in actual combat he'd be dead by now. And all because he couldn't stop thinking about Dave._

_Dave and his stupid smirk. Dave and his stupid hugs. Dave and his soft lips. Dave and his constant desire to tell Karkat he loves him. Dave and his comforting arms that were always there to hold Karkat when he needed it._

_Fuck. Karkat missed Dave so much._

_It wasn't like he didn't attempt to find out some way to possibly reconnect with Dave, Karkat tried every possible approach. The first was, obviously, asking about humans and the possibility of the empire being stretched out beyond their planet._

_Karkat's idea was, of course, shot down. There was no expansion and the Empress would never dream of taking land that wasn't hers by force. If another Empire wished to merge with hers that was fine, but forcibly taking land from others? Unthinkable. Luckily Karkat had another idea._

_His sylladex was still available to him, what a stroke of luck. And thankfully it was still filled to the brim with useless items Karkat had shoved in there. Movies, snacks, photographs, anything Karkat thought would be useful for everyday life in a meteor. What the troll was really looking for was his old crab communicator._

_It was like the universe was throwing some magical luck powder in Karkat's direction because the purple crab watch sprung out of his sylladex and into Karkat's opened hands. He let out a shaky breath of relief as he quickly slid the watch onto his wrist as he quickly scurried to an empty part of the castle and turned it on._

_The green eyes of the watch glowed and Karkat felt tears of joy beginning to form at the edges of his eyes. This was his chance. He might actually have some sort of connection to Dave._

_"Dave? Dave are you there? Fuck, please answer." He pressed his ear against the cold metal of the crab only to hear a static like noise. Karkat groaned and gave the device a couple hard taps before speaking again. "Dave. Dave it's Karkat, do you read me? Over." Again, nothing but a static noise. "Dave! Jesus fucking Christ. Answer me! Answer me...please..." Nothing._

_The cancer troll pressed his back against the wall and slid down, taking the crab communicator off. It was hopeless. He was hopeless. His last chance to have some sort of communication with Dave just...gone. He didn't have any other plans. Karkat looked at the little metal crab in his hands again._

_Three years worth of memories on this thing. Three years worth of late night conversations in each others own rooms and basic bullfuckery. Three years with Dave. Three years gone. Karkat felt tears streaming down his cheeks and he quickly wiped them away, he couldn't risk someone catch him, the badass and personal knight of Her Imperial Radiance, crying._

_He let out a shaky sigh and brought the crab closer to his face. Just because the communicator didn't work the way he wanted didn't mean he still couldn't talk and pretend Dave was on the other end, happily listening to his boyfriend talk._

~

Karkat was crying when he woke up. It was like he was reliving that one moment again in his sleep mad that one struck a nerve. Karkat tried to stop crying, he really did, but for some reason the tears just wouldn't stop flowing. Eventually Karkat just took a deep breath and tried to remind himself who he was.

"I'm Karkat Vantas," the troll whispered, closing his eyes, "I'm Her Imperial Radiance's personal knight. I am a troll feared by my enemies and adored by the kingdom." Karkat sighed, beginning to calm down. This was dumb, he was basically reminding himself that he was a manly man and couldn't let anyone see him cry when he knew very well that _anyone_ could cry, but he needed to calm down and this was the thing that was helping him do so.

Karkat yawned and sat up, thinking back on the dream he had. It was amazing. In such a short while his feelings changed for Dave. One perigee he's crying over not being able to see Dave and missing Dave, the next his only thoughts on the human is how much of a cold murderer he is. Thankfully his feelings changed again, he didn't think of Dave as a cold murderer. He didn't know what he felt for Dave actually. The dream he had only confused him. He woke up crying so he must feel _something_ for Dave, right? Karkat didn't know, and in all honesty he didn't think he wanted to feel anything for Dave. He still wasn't over his last matesprit and he just didn't want Dave to feel like Karkat was going to saw through his neck because apparently that's what he does to his matesprits.

The troll sighed. He wished he never dreamt of that. He wished he didn't wake up blubbering like an idiot and end up confusing himself. The time he wasted sobbing about Dave was pointless, he never made contact and he ended up resenting him anyway so what was the point? In fact, he didn't even think he still had the stupid crab communicator anymore.

Just to prove to himself that the dumb thing was gone, Karkat emptied out his sylladex and began digging through the pile of shit he had collected. It actually surprised him to see that the small crab watch was there, looking nearly the same as he remembered it being. But surely it was broken, after all it never got his messages to Dave sent. The Knight of Blood cleaned up his mess, returning it back to his sylladex and examined the crab communicator. He didn't want to shove it back in his sylladex, it'd just take up space. He also didn't want to put it in the trash, then Dave would start talking about "recreating old times" again. Instead, he put it under Dave's bed, there was enough shit under there to help it blend in. With that settled, Karkat left the room and the crab communicator.

~

"Hey Rose." Dave glanced at Karkat, putting the tomato sauce in his hand down down and holding the phone up to his ear with his free hand. He was making Karkat a nice spaghetti dinner with already slightly burnt noodles.

"Hello Dave. How's it going?"

"It's going great. Doctor's prescribed Karkat some medication and shit, I'm about to make him a dinner chalk full of carbs, and later tonight we're gonna watch some movies and eat a fuck ton of junk food. Hopefully the sugary shit'll get him hyper enough to at least say one full sentence to me." Rose hummed in response and allowed Dave to continue his ramblings.

"He still doesn't want to explain the brands or the fucking scars or pretty much anything that happened to him, which is cool. I'll give him time and when he's ready he'll tell me. Oh, also he liked all the clothes Kanaya made for him. I think he might be ready for a visit from the two of you soon. Maybe Jade and John could tag along? I haven't seem 'em in a while either. Or maybe we could get the old meteor gang back together? I think it's time to slowly re-introduce him to our friends. Well not re-introduce...he technically never forgotten them, he's just got some crazy fucking mentality that some of us are dangerous and may want to kill him and shit."

"That sounds like an excellent idea Dave. I don't see that plan backfiring at all." Dave rolled his eyes. "But enough of Karkat and how he's doing and progressing, though that is pretty fantastic news and Kanaya will squeal with joy once she hears. I want to know how _you're_ doing."

"What do you mean how I'm doing...?"

"I mean, you can't be handling this as calmly as you're pretending to be. You must be under some sort of stress or major emotion. No one can really lose their significant other for six years then see them return only to find out that they find them terrifying for some completely valid yet still horsehit reason." Dave stayed silent. Rose was completely right, as always.

"I'll be in the room for a bit, alright Karkat?" The troll turned around and nodded just as Dave quickly fled to his room and shut the door. "Okay, congrats Lalonde, you caught me. Your ever knowing Lalonde intelligence once again bursts through my emotional barrier and you have, yet again, figured out that I am fucked up. Happy?"

"Yes actually. I'm pretty damn happy that I was able to get you to admit those feelings. Now if only I could get you to elaborate on them." Dave sighed and flopped down on his bed. Looking over at the slime filled coon tucked away in the corner of the room he wondered if Karkat would ever elaborate his own feelings the way Dave was about to.

"I dunno Rose. Shit just feels weird. And I know, he was gone for six years of course he'd change but...not this much. It just isn't right. Someone just doesn't lose themselves and their entire personality in a few years. It just isn't...possible y'know?"

"Actually Dave, it is possible. If I recall there was a certain 'cool kid' under the impression that masking emotions was the cool thing to do and his obviously horrible guardian was a supposed hero." Dave winced at the mention of those painful memories from the past. "My point is, it is completely normal for someone to change entirely if there's a major emotional event. Your major emotional events were years of physical and emotional trauma which caused you to believe that using overrated dark eye-wear to mask your emotions was cool and that apparently everyone's normal childhood involved major strifing and porn puppets. That made you into the robot like douche bag we grew up knowing. " Dave opened his mouth to say something but Rose continued prattling on.

"What changed you; however; was spending quite a few years with Karkat. He was the one that helped you realize that you had a pretty unusual childhood and helped you come to terms with a lot of things that you were suppressing. Karkat, in this case, was also the major emotional event that helped you become the Dave Strider that was buried beneath hundreds and hundreds of layers of shit. Now Karkat obviously went through something horrific of his own and changed from the loud and caring troll we lived with to...well...what we have now."

"What're you trying to say?" Dave asked, cutting Rose off before she could finish her oral presentation on how Dave's personality went through a roller coaster of changes. "That this is it for him? We're stuck with Karkat like this for the rest of forever?"

"No. What I'm saying is that he went through something traumatic and it changed him. Now he needs someone to help him back to the swing of things and bring his normal self back, someone who somewhat understands better than the rest is what it's like to live everyday in fear and getting bullied and hurt. Someone to break down those emotional walls and free the Karkat we all know and love. Now I can't guarantee that he'll be one hundred percent the same but...at least he'll be back for the most part. But the question is, will you be the one that helps him break down his walls?"


	7. Chapter 7

It was five in the morning and Dave was awake making a breakfast so fucking delicious that Gordon Ramsey himself would be bawling on the floor and clutching the leg of the table over how angelic Dave's cooking was. Okay it was just some oatmeal and a milkshake but Dave tried, he really did try. This, of course, was just the first part of his plan to attempt to get Karkat back into the swing of things. How would a delicious (and nutritious) breakfast help? Simple. From Dave's perfect memory he distinctly remembered Karkat loving to ramble on during breakfast, it was quite possibly the only meal the entire meteor gang shared and it was Karkat's time to shine.

Once Dave finished up making a breakfast that would be easy on Karkat's newly fixed teeth and sensitive stomach, he quickly knocked on his bedroom door and waited. A minute passed and absolute silence was Dave's only response. He knocked again and this time he could hear Karkat slowly shuffling over to the door and unlocking it. The troll greeted Dave with a small nod, his iron tight grip on his blood stained sickle loosened only slightly.

"Come on out, I made you a pretty great breakfast."

"I'm not hungry." Karkat replied curtly and shut the door before anything else could be said. The human blinked and stood there, appalled. After a moment he knocked again and when Karkat answered he put his foot on the door to stop it from closing.

"What do you mean you're 'not hungry'? I made you some bomb ass oatmeal with a nice lil milkshake." There was a slight hint of hurt in Dave's voice but he tried his best to hide it. "Is your stomach hurting? Is it the medication? Do you need me to take you to the doctor?" Karkat shook his head. "Then what is it? Want me to make you something else? I'll make you like, waffles or something if you want."

"No thank you, I'm just not hungry." The troll gently nudged Dave's foot away from the door and closed it again, leaving Dave alone.

This was going to be more difficult then expected.

~

A small pile of bloody horns, a tattered book with some pages too large for the binding sticking out, a blue and red visor, and a beat up metal sign with even more beat up looking Gemini, Sagittarius, and Cancer symbols stuck onto it. These were some of the things Karkat had taken out of his sylladex. Some of the things he had kept and was more than unwilling to let go of. He needed to see them again, for reassurance. He needed to know that what happened before was real and he didn't just make it up. Luckily for him blood stained horns were enough physical proof for him.

A knock on the door signaled that Dave was trying to get his attention _again._ Don't get him wrong, Karkat appreciated what Dave was trying to do but he just wanted to be left alone. Ignoring the door, he stared down at the pile once more.

It was all still there.

Okay, okay. This was okay. So it happened. This was...okay. Karkat took a deep breath in and closed his eyes, trying to relax before he sat down on the ground and picked up one of the items. He picked up on the of the horns, an arrow shaped one covered in indigo blood. This was the horn of his moirail. His _dead_ moirail. He set it down and closed his eyes. He was still okay. This was all okay. He was _fine._

He was not okay. He was _not_ fine. This was bringing back horrible memories to the poor troll's brain. Memories of metal against metal, screaming cries of innocent and brainwashed soldiers being forced to fight for something they never believed in. It brought back memories of many many painful wounds. Of nights where he was lying on the ground, half dead with tears in his eyes and a blank stare on his face as he thought of the sweet blissful release of death.

It brought back memories of the weird and oddly comforting smell of oil and old books. Memories of stacks upon stacks of papers and random piles of scraps of metal, of rare but cherished nights of laughing and actual relaxation. It brought back memories of Karkat's home for the past six years.

Fuck, he was not okay. Karkat looked down at the horn in his hand and down by his feet where there were four horns covered in dried yellow blood. Karkat had to admit, ripping the horns off of his dead quadrantmates was a bit extreme but in his defense he wasn't thinking straight. His emotions were overlapping and overwhelming him. At that moment he just wanted something to remind himself that they existed. Maybe that wasn't the best decision but what's done is done.

~

There was a small knock on the door followed by a quiet creak. Dave walked in slowly with small plate of food, keeping his head down and eyes on the ground in front of him. Of course because of that awkward walking stance he was in he didn't notice that Karkat was very much awake on his bed and staring at the human as he tried to sneakily place the food on the desk besides him.

"Thank you." Karkat whispered, but even the whisper was enough to startle Dave. The Strider quickly composed himself and nodded.

"Yeah man, no problem. I couldn't just have you starving..." Karkat nodded. Now the two just stood there in awkward silence. Karkat didn't bother to clean up the mess he had made earlier so the piles of bloodied horns, the book, visor, and the sign were all out in the open and easy for Dave to see. Dave of course, didn't say anything at all. He just kept his mouth shut and tried to focus on the troll in front of him.

"I...I'm sorry for you having to deal with this...with _my_ moronic and melodramatic bullshit. It isn't fair to you since you have to spend time out of your day _watching_ me as if I were some useless grub." Dave shook his head and took a tentative step towards his friend.

"It's fine, don't make yourself think that I'm suffering because I get to take care of you. I enjoy having you around this much. I like knowing that at least you're here and safe. And you aren't a grub, you're just...immobilized. Well not immobilized...you just can't do the things we do...at the moment. Fuck, that makes it sound like you're useless. I'm just...you're just...not able to do the things you'd normally be able to do due to some pretty serious medical conditions...sort of. Fuck, okay you just...you aren't able to do things at the moment but you _aren't_ useless. But don't think that I'm suffering each day because I get to take care of you. You already know my point of view on this entire ordeal and hell, if you want me to I'll remind you every so often so you don't don't go into that part of your mind where you think you're burdening me." Karkat smiled ever so slightly and nodded.

"I'm glad to know you're not starting to loathe me...I mean, I'd loathe anyone who basically forced me to sleep on a couch instead of my own goddamn respiteblock on a semi-comfortable sleeping mat." Dave chuckled and shook his head.

"I wasn't forced. I happily volunteered to sleep on the actually pretty comfortable couch. You sleep in my room as long as you need to dude. Hell, sleep wherever you want as long as you're comfortable and happy." Dave grinned and walked back to the door. "And feel free to strike up a conversation with me any time you want. You won't be bothering me seeing as I have next to nothing to do." Karkat nodded, a small smile still playing on his lips, and Dave left the room with a wave.

Maybe Karkat would be fine.


	8. Chapter 8

_It was like a breath of fresh air seeing them, or more, **two** breaths of fresh air. It felt amazing to see two familiar faces. Yes he had been skulking around Feferi and Eridan but they just...they weren't **his** Feferi or **his** Eridan. At least these two seemed a bit more like his friends. Just a tiny bit like them._

_Equius was the first one he encountered. With Karkat protecting Her Imperial Radiance now he needed newer, better weapons and the troll for the job was Equius, or more formally known as The Marksman. His weapons were handmade and built to be nearly as strong as he was. They were perfection._

_The first time Karkat saw Equius he felt the smallest of grins tug against his lips. The Marksman looked nearly the same as his Equius, the only difference here was the Aquarius and Pisces signs branded onto his upper arm and the right horn was completely intact. It was exhilarating seeing Equius and Karkat genuinely wanted to run over and hug him but he had a reputation here and he was intent on keeping it as it was. So instead he briskly retrieved his weapon and asked, though it sounded more like a command, that Equius join him in training soon. It wasn't much but for Karkat this was all he had for any kind of a chance to at least feel like he was back home._

~

"Come on dude. You and I both know that not bathing isn't exactly the smartest fucking thing to do especially since you're covered in goddamn cuts and dirt." It was like scolding a younger kid to stop playing and go to bed, only in this case it was an adult troll not wanting to take a bath.

"You just don't get it Dave...it's not that I don't want to take a bath, I'm not a fucking pig I know I need to be clean and shit, but I just...can't. I somehow got myself emotionally attached to the fucking blood and...I don't know I'll feel naked if I don't look like I just came out of battle!"

"What blood?! All the blood you had on you was washed off the last time you took a bath!" Karkat huffed in frustration and looked down. He knew this was silly and gross but he just...couldn't. It was a difficult for him to let go what little things he had left.

"Dave, I just don't want to take another bath! Can't you just accept that?!"Dave let out a sigh and stood up, locking himself in his room. Karkat frowned and looked down, his hand tightening into a fist. He was being stupid and he knew it. He was being irrational and disgusting and difficult and...and he was making Dave's life harder than it already was. Here Dave was, willingly volunteering to spend his days taking care of Karkat and going to work and supporting the two of them with whatever money he had and Karkat wasn't making his life any easier by refusing to take baths or eating or talking. The troll sighed and laid down on the couch, closing his eyes. A quick nap couldn't hurt, maybe when he woke up he'd be mature enough to bathe himself and make up with Dave...it was the least he could to make amends with the person sacrificing so much...

~

Dave was frustrated, fuck he was so frustrated. Taking care of Karkat was really stressing him out and he just couldn't handle it. Yes, he loved Karkat to death. Yes, he loved having Karkat near him and knowing he was safe. Yes, just told Karkat the other day that everything was fine and he wasn't bothering him or burdening him but...he was stressed.

Dave was spending money, a lot of money. Food, clothes, bills upon endless bills. Water, heat, electricity, food. Everything was suddenly costing more and Dave just didn't have the money. He was going to need to get a second job if he was going to keep up with everything.

Dave sighed and closed his eyes, lying back on his bed. Everything was supposed to go perfectly. He was supposed to fix Karkat, he was supposed to make everything right. He was supposed to make Karkat better so he could be happy again. Instead Dave was just making things worse and running himself in debt. And for what? A troll who didn't want to be fixed? A troll who didn't want to talk or eat or even take a simple fucking bath?

Dave was frustrated. He wanted to cry, in fact he could already feel the tears prickling at the edges of his eyes. This whole thing was stressing him out and he needed to relax. He had to take a step back from the situation, enjoy a little Dave time. But he couldn't do that. Karkat was here. He couldn't leave him by himself. Could he? He'd done it before...he could do it again.

No, no. Not this time. Not after just storming out on him like that. That might make Karkat feel like a burden and Dave didn't want to have to reassure an already emotionally destroyed troll that he wasn't a burden. He was just frustrating and Dave needed a break.

The albino stood up and wiped his eyes. He knew what to do, Karkat might throw a temper tantrum but oh well. He'd let the others deal with that. Dave made a couple of quick calls and soon enough he was getting prepared for a relaxing night out with his best friend.

He walked out his room, slowly just in case Karkat was out in some other part of the apartment and got startled. Karkat was there, laying down peacefully on the couch. Dave smiled as he walked up to the troll, pushing the hair out of his face gently. He looked so calm and peaceful. So happy. Dave's heart swelled with happiness as he remembered seeing that exact look of serenity on Karkat's face years ago. It was look a small blast from the past and it was enough to give Dave hope for the future.

"I'll be back later," Dave whispered as he leaned over the side of the couch, tugging the discarded blanket more onto Karkat, "have a nice nap. Be safe." Dave ran a thumb over Karkat's cheek before hesitantly walking to the door and leaving.

~

"Karkat...Karkat dear. Wake up." An ice cold hand was soothingly rubbing circles onto Karkat's back and slowly easing him awake. The cancer troll looked up groggily to find Kanaya staring down at him. At first his instincts took in. He began to panic slightly and his hand tightened into a fist, his eyes darting to find his sickle or anything within his reach that could be used as a sort of weapon. Then he saw Sollux and Equius. The two of them were awkwardly standing off to the side, eyeing down Karkat as if expecting him to jump up and begin attacking them. Karkat didn't blame them for being paranoid though. "Did you have a nice nap?" The rainbow drinker's soothing voice yanked Karkat out of his own thoughts. He nodded stiffly.

"The human said you needed to bathe." Equius grunted from the corner. He awkwardly shuffled his weight from one foot to another. Karkat could see that this was extremely awkward for him, acting as a moirail to a troll that never was and never will be his moirail. "And we were...informed that we had to give you one. Which is demeaning in my book but...if you really cannot take care of yourself..." Sollux smacked the blue blood's arm and rolled his eyes.

"I can wash myself thank you very much, I just don't want to. Now if you'll excuse me." The cancer troll replied curtly as he stood up quickly. The sudden movement caused his head to spin but that didn't make him stop. What made him stop was the firm yet dainty hand pushing him back down on the couch.

"Yes Karkat we know you can manage to wash yourself but in this case we have to do certain things for you. In case you did not notice you are covered in several wounds, some of which can be considered fatal if you just leave them be so we-- well I'm here to help you clean them up and properly take care of them." Karkat opened his mouth to say something but quickly shut it and nodded stiffly instead. Kanaya smiled smugly, gladly accepting that she won this argument, and lead Karkat to the bathroom with Sollux and Equius close behind.

A few minutes of awkward stripping later and Karkat was sitting in a bathtub filled to the brim with nice warm water. Kanaya was kneeling against the side and pouring shampoo in her hand as Sollux and Equius stood by the door. It was awkward, even more so when Karkat _knew_ all three of them were staring at his brands. It was only a matter of time before they asked....

"I want to know the full story behind my sign being scorched onto your chest." Sollux asked bluntly. Everyone could feel the tension in the atmosphere rise as Karkat slowly looked over at the golden blooded troll. Sollux gulped but kept his bored looking expression, hoping that maybe Karkat couldn't see the small the spark of fear beginning to form in Sollux. It wasn't his fault, those intense red eyes would make _anyone_ scared.

_"It is a long story."_ The scratched up troll finally said in Alternian, dragging a thumb over the Gemini sign that was branded on his chest. _"And it probably isn't something that should be told while I'm butt naked in the tub."_

_"Well...we'll have some time after this..."_ For a moment Karkat looked as if he was about to smile, like an old memory was suddenly being remembered and suddenly the feelings of joy were washing over him. He supposed it couldn't hurt to let out some old buried feelings and stories of his life for the past couple of sweeps...


	9. Chapter 9

_He was bleeding and he was pretty damn sure he was going to pass out or die if he didn't treat his wound soon, but that was the least of Karkat's worries at the moment. There was a rumor going around that the enemy's forces were hiding out in the far south side of the kingdom, hidden behind the forest. That was close to where Karkat lived. That was where Karkat lived with his **moirail**. He snuck away from The Warlorde's angry yelling and borrowed a horse. He was just going to make sure Equius was fine. He was just going to make sure the rumors were false. He had to, his moirail was all he had, he couldn't lose that._

_The rumors weren't false and Karkat was ambushed. Luckily it was only three trolls, it was a simple and quick fight though a split second distraction caused Karkat to be injured. Now he was bleeding and trying to make it back to his hive to see if Equius was alright. He could do this, he's made it through worse. He could survive a simple injury._

_Karkat was panting and holding onto the trees as he walked, praying to any horrorterror that Equius was fine and that he'd miraculously jump out of nowhere and take him back to Her Imperial Radiance's palace so his wounds could be properly treated. However, instead of the blue blood he was praying for, someone else came into view._

"Oh fuck!" _Karkat glanced over to where he heard the voice and saw a troll with four horns and bi-colored eyes._ "You're going to die if you keep bleeding at this rate...hold on. There's a huge hive near here. I'm going to get you help." _Electricity made the air crackle around Karkat and suddenly he was being lifted up. The red-blood wanted to protest but he had to admit, it was nice not using up his energy to walk._ "I'm Sollux Captor, The Empress' Architect. Don't worry, I'm going to get you help." _Karkat smiled and tried to muster up the energy to say some words of gratitude but nothing came out before he blacked out._

~

"Thanks Kanaya. You can stop by anytime. You guys too." Dave waved goodbye as the three trolls left Dave's small apartment. Karkat was sitting on the couch, reading one of the books Dave had bought for him. The human walked over and sat down besides the reading troll.

"Where did you go?" Karkat barely glanced over to Dave when he spoke. He had to admit, he was slightly worried when he woke up and didn't see Dave there. The albino shrugged and took off his jacket, laying it over the top of the sofa.

"I was feeling stressed so Egbert and I had a guys night out in the town. We basically just watched the latest movies before going to the park and terrorizing geese. John got one so pissed off that it started chasing him." Dave cracked a grin and turned his body more towards Karkat. "Oh man, you should've seen him. John started flying thinking that the goose wouldn't get him but he forgot that they could fly too. Dude it was hilarious, John was screaming like a little kid." Karkat smiled ever so slightly. He had to admit, imagining one of the Gods who helped create this universe flying away in terror from a goose was pretty funny. Karkat's smile didn't last long though. It instead turned into a slight frown.

"Are you stressed because of me?" The troll asked quietly. He already knew the answer was yes but he wanted Dave to lie to him and tell him it wasn't, he wanted the false hope. As Karkat expected, Dave shook his head.

"No, not at all..." The human shook his head and wracked his brain trying to come up with a believable lie. "It''s just....work. I can't keep up with all these new songs and the DJ job is pretty intense these days..." Dave laughed nervously and shrugged. "Just work that's stressing me out, it's no biggie though." Karkat nodded, not convinced whatsoever. He was sort of hoping that Dave would be a good liar and convince him that it wasn't Karkat's fault he was stressed all the time.

Awkward silence slowly seeped into the air between them and Karkat slowly returned to his book. He wished he never asked that question, he was having nice conversation with Dave and he had to go and ruin it. Fuck, the silence might just be making Dave even more stressed. Oh my god, why would Karkat ever ask that? Now Dave knew that he knew he was causing so much stress which would only stress him out even more. Oh god, oh god why would he do that? Why would he--?

"You took a bath." Karkatlet out a small breath of relief. Dave spoke and broke the awkward silence and Karkat couldn't of been more grateful. He nodded and bookmarked his page before setting the book down and turning to face Dave.

"I did and did you _really_ need to get Kanaya, Equius, and Sollux over here to give me a bath?" Dave chuckled and shrugged. 

"Dunno dude. You seemed pretty bent on staying dirty as shit. Thought I needed to pull out the big guns y'know?" Karkat rolled his eyes. "Come on, I was only looking out for your best interest...it must've been depressing as shit looking in the mirror every day and seeing yourself like that...I know I felt that way when I was back in the game...when I wore those time jammies...but enough about me. What did you guys talk about?" Dave already knew what Karkat talked about. Well he knew the subject, thanks to Kanaya, he didn't know all the details though. Karkat merely shrugged when the question was asked and picked at the lint on his pants.

"Just...what I did these past couple of sweeps...what the marks on my chest mean..and stuff..." Dave nodded. 

"Do you...do you wanna talk about it? With me I mean. I totally get if you don't. You don't have to but uh, you know...you can. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't curious, but again, I won't make you tell me. I know shit like that may not be the most comfortable thing to discuss..." Karkat sighed. He knew this was coming. He supposed he shouldn't be surprised that Dave was asking this already, Karkat had been suppressing precious information from Dave for so long. And after all that Dave has done for Karkat, this shouldn't be too big of a deal to share right?

Karkat slowly took off his shirt, exposing his bare chest and arms that was covered in scars and wounds. The most prominent things were the brands. Dave's breath caught in his throat as his eyes looked over Karkat's dark grey chest. He wanted to reach out and run a finger over them but no, that'd be too weird.

"This one," Karkat pointed at an Aquarius brand on his upper right arm, "meant that I was...basically working in The Warlorde's military. This one," he pointed to a Pisces brand right above the Aquarius, "meant that I was working for Her Imperial Radiance exclusively. This one," Karkat pointed to his own symbol branded on his upper left arm. This one had some alien language branded underneath it as well, "meant that I have my own title. The words under it say 'The Peacekeeper'. That was my title." Karkat sighed and pressed a finger against the Gemini sign on the left of his chest and the Sagittarius sign on his left hip. "These two...they're tributes...these two trolls...they died." Dave's nodded glumly and Karkat put his hands down on his lap.

"What about this...?" Dave asked as he ran a finger over something on Karkat's chest. It was right underneath the Gemini sign branded on. It looked like the stupid little smiling clown face Gamzee always took the time to awkwardly type out. This one; however; didn't look like it was branded, it looked like it had been carved into Karkat's chest.

"Oh...that one's a reminder."

"A reminder...? A reminder for what?"

"A reminder that no matter what, I'm always going to be stuck with what happened to me and no matter how long I try to forget it, it'll always come back." The troll said matter-of-factly with a slight hint of sadness- or was it pain?- in his voice. Dave frowned and pulled his hand away from Karkat's chest.

"...Tell me about the two people who died. I want to know what happened to them." Karkat was taken aback by the sudden question but he hesitantly nodded. Dave was honestly scared to know the story behind those two brands but it would be good for Karkat. Karkat would let it out and it'd bring him one step closer to becoming better. Plus he was curious.

"It was Sollux and Equius, obviously. Sollux was...his title was The Architect. He was the Empress' official Architect and created everything she had. Her palace, the giant buildings in her kingdom. Hell, he even created an underwater palace for her whenever she decided to spend some time among the sea dwellers. He was also my matesprit, for a sweep and a half we were...very happy together. Anyway, Equius was The Marksman. He was basically a blacksmith but exclusively for Her Imperial Radiance's army. He created the best weapons and was loyal to her. Soon enough he became my moirail over there..." Karkat smiled at the memory of the two trolls he was so close to back in his previous years. It seemed like so long ago now.

"Sollux and Equius were extremely loyal to the Empress, they wouldn't do anything to harm her...but they were accused of treason. It was said that Sollux was building secret bases inside the kingdom for the enemy and that Equius was selling weapons to them as well...and with me being well...what I was over there, I was tasked to kill them." Karkat sniffed and wiped the tears that were quickly streaming out of his eyes. "I had to cut their heads off. You know how much that fucking sucked?" Karkat's voice rose, he was beginning to yell as the red tainted tears just kept coming. Maybe Dave shouldn't of asked... "You know how badly it hurt seeing my moirail look at me with a forgiving smile on his face right before I chopped his head off? You know how much it hurt when my matesprit whispered to me that he loved me and that it was okay just before my sickle swung through his neck?" Karkat was trying his best not to fully breakdown but the memory of it and knowledge that he didn't exactly have to hold anything in anymore was making it difficult for him to now stop crying. "I...I couldn't stop it. I couldn't let them go. Not like I had with another one...I couldn't protect them. I had to stand there and watch stoically as they dragged their heads and bodies away! And I couldn't say a damn thing! I couldn't even say a simple fucking goodbye to them!" Tears were streaming down Karkat's face and he didn't know whether it was from grief or because he was digging his nails into his knees so deep that he was starting to think he was bleeding.

"Karkat...Karkat I'm sorry, I had no idea that...I'm sorry..." Dave felt bad. He shouldn't of asked Karkat to tell him. He should've just kept his mouth shut and asked Kanaya if she knew, though it was unlikely considering Kanaya hadn't mentioned anything about his past quadrantmates. Dave slowly reached a hand out to reassuringly squeeze Karkat's hand but the crying troll stood up and out of Dave's reach.

"It's fine...I'm going to bed..." Karkat sniffed and walked back inside Dave's room, slamming the door shut behind him.


	10. Chapter 10

"I don't know what to do. I honestly do not have a single clue what to do Rose. Like, my mind is blank." Dave sighed in exasperation and ran a hand through his hair. His sister sat across from him, quilting herself a new scarf that was just as dark as the last three she made. "How the fuck do I properly comfort him? I just...the look in his eyes Rose," Dave frowned and looked at the ground, remembering the pain and guilt that was clearly shown in Karkat's candy red eyes, "he's in a pretty bad spot and...and I don't know what to do to help him."

"Do everything you can do." Rose replied simply, setting her knitting needles down on top of her half finished scarf.

"Gee thanks Rose. Now I officially know what to do." The Seer rolled her eyes at her brother's sarcasm.

"Seriously Dave, there is no real way to comfort someone, especially someone like Karkat whom went through such a raging shitstorm. Just...do what you can. You must know him the best after spending three years attached to the hip with him."

"Yeah but that was six fucking years ago. He's different. He sleeps less than usual, he doesn't really eat and when he does he gets kind of sick. He doesn't go on raging about his romance novels or asinine bullshit like that...hell, he doesn't even have arbitrary speeches about how stupid I am. He's practically dead inside..."

"Listen Dave, I'd love to help you but...honestly I don't know how. I do not know how to tend to a troll that was suddenly flung into a new universe that wasn't the one he was expecting to go to, I don't know how to help you deal with his traumatic past. All I do know is that he will get better by knowing you're going to be there and help him and talk to him. Establish that connection with him, rekindle the blazing hot fire between you two that was once there six years ago. Be his friend, be his matesprit, be his moirail, be his roommate, be his caretaker. I don't care what you two are, just be there for him. Let him know you're there whenever he needs you. Let him trust you." Dave nodded stiffly and stood up, heading out Rose's home, only half-confident that he could do this.

~

Karkat sighed and rubbed his eyes before looking at his tired self in the bathroom mirror. Sleep. Karkat remembered what that was like. Getting a normal eight hours of sleep was out of the question for him. He couldn't he wasn't used to it, not anymore. At least he was getting naps now, ones longer than the normal fifteen minute ones. That's how he got his rest and energy. But full nights of sleep? Out of the question. He was trained to stay up all night and, most of the time, all day. He had to. If he didn't stay up, who else would guard the Empress whilst she slept? Who else would be her loyal knight? No one else is who. That was his job, he knew he'd have to make several sacrifices and sleep was one of those sacrifices. It was fine though, the less sleep he got the less nightmares haunted him. Dave began getting worried though. He began telling- no, _scolding_ Karkat that he needed more sleep. Sleeping once or twice a day for about an hour or so wasn't healthy. Sure it'd be fine if it were only a thing every once in a blue moon but it wasn't okay if it was happening _every day for six years._

...

Dave.

Karkat's mind wandered from sleep on over to Dave. Karkat remembered Dave. He remembered how he sneered at him as he pointed the the pearly white sword to his chest. He remembered Dave saying things, horrible horrible things, to him though he couldn't hear him. His blood was pumping so loud and he was so tired from fighting that he couldn't make out the words. He remembered the pearly white sword being painted with his freakish red, he remembered Dave grinning manically, he remembered-

_No._

No. That wasn't Dave. That was some fucked up dream he was forced to have. Some sick twisted image he was forced to see. Something the godawful clown used against him. A violation of his mind. It was a crime. The clown used someone that Karkat once thought of as comforting and tainted him. He messed Karkat up. He messed _Dave_ up for him. It was an unforgivable crime that did not go unpunished.

_"What about **your** unforgivable crime?"_ Karkat froze. He could barely see him out the corner of his eye, in the mirror. Sollux. _"When will that one go punished?"_ Karkat's heart was beating fast. He slowly looked up and looked straight into the mirror. Sollux, his Sollux, was standing there nonchalantly. It was like he never left, like her never died. Of course the massive amount of blood coming from a ring around his neck gave away his obvious death. The blood covered Sollux smirked and spoke, _"Why do you look so surprised? I'm certain you did not forget about me, I haunt every dark recess of your thinkpan."_

_"How the hell did you get here Archi- ...Sollux?"_ Karkat gulped, speaking in Alternian yet again. His eyes were focused on the blood. God there was so much of it. It looked like it was still fresh, spilling down to the front of Sollux's loose fitting robe. It was making him sick.

_"I never left you and you know it, Peacekeeper."_

_"It's Karkat..."_ Sollux chuckled darkly and shook his head.

_"It's Peacekeeper. That's what you will always be to me. The Peacekeeper, the loyal lapdog of Her Imperial Radiance. You would do anything for her."_ Sollux walked closer, his expression darkening as he did. Karkat backed up as much as he could, somewhat sitting on the bathroom counter and leaning away some more as Sollux's pale-grey face hovered inches away from his own. _"Even blindly murder your own matesprit. Isn't that right, Peacekeeper?"_

_"You...you know I didn't want to."_ Karkat half shouted, shaking his head. He couldn't look at the troll in front of him, his hands were tightly gripping the edge of the counter and his breathing became more difficult to control. _"I never wanted to hurt you, I loved you!"_

_"That's right. **Loved.** You **loved** me. You stopped loving me the second it was time to defend me, to prove me innocent."_ Karkat shook his head, sliding away from Sollux. _"You didn't love **me** enough to prove me innocent, but that **whore** you didn't even know did get to be saved? Why her? Why not me? Why not your matesprit of a sweep and a half?!"_ Fuck, fuck Karkat had to get rid of him. He stumbled back to Dave's room, the tears that were beginning to form in his eyes were making it increasingly difficult for him to see.

_"I never wanted you to die!"_ Karkat screamed as he began shakily digging through a tattered bag. _"I love you! I love you! I'm sorry!"_ Fuck, fuck it wasn't here. Karkat turned around and stumbled out the room to the small apartment's living room.

_"You didn't love me enough."_ Sollux spat out, following the now crying troll. _"You didn't love me enough to save me. It didn't matter if I spent every waking second worrying over you and taking care of you when you came back, you didn't love me enough to save me from being falsely accused and murdered. You didn't love me enough. You didn't love me enough. You didn't--"_

Sollux was cut of mid-sentence, his head leaned to the right before falling off completely. Karkat didn't know what else to do. He panicked, he needed to get rid of Sollux, he needed to get rid of the guilt. He needed to get rid of--

_"You didn't love us enough."_ No. No no no, not him too. That gruff voice, the voice that soothed him when he was having countless breakdowns. The one he went to in times of need. Karkat gripped his sickle tightly and turned around to face the blood covered Equius, trying to stop the flow of tears. _"You didn't love us enough. And after all we did for you? After all **I** did for you... Why?"_ Karkat whimpered and shook his head. He couldn't do this.

_"I never meant to kill you, Marksman, either of you. If I had any chance of saving you I would've taken it, but...I didn't...and the Empress--"_

_"I was her most loyal subject. You know that. I would've brought down an entire kingdom if she asked. I created the best weapons and most amazing machines for her. I would wait on her hand and foot if given the chance. I would do anything for her **except** murder my quadrantmate. I am not so foolish to do so."_ Equius glared at Karkat through his cracked goggles and took a step forward. _"I would've fought for you to live, I would've hidden you, I would've gone against the kingdom if it meant that my palest of loves lived. But you, you didn't seem to care. I thought we were moirails, Peacekeeper. I thought we would've been pale for all of eternity. It turns out you merely became my palemate for your own sick and twisted needs."_ Karkat shook his head, looking down and sobbing.

_"No, no Marksman- Equius you know that isn't true. I loved you both. I wanted you to live. I needed you two in my life, I tried everything!"_

_"But you didn't try hard enough. You used me. You used me. You used me, you filthy low blood. I hope you get what's right for that. I hope you get what you deserve."_ Karkat sobbed and looked up at the blue blooded troll in front of him, raising his sickle up to chest level.

_"I'm sorry..." The Peacekeeper closed his eyes and his swung his weapons, not reopening them until he heard the dull thud of a head and body falling on the floor. Karkat dropped to his knees, letting out loud sobs as he stared at the decapitated heads of his previous quadrantmates._

__"Look at your hands."_ Karkat was gasping for breath, looking about the room for the source of the voice. _"You've killed us again."_ It was a gross fusion of Equius and Sollux's voice, bringing more pain and guilt to Karkat with every word it spoke. Karkat hesitantly looked down and saw his hands and sickle, freshly covered in blue and gold blood. The floor had a giant pool of blood around the bodies, it getting closer to Karkat with every second. _"You didn't love us enough. You didn't try hard enough. You used us. You didn't love us enough. You didn't try hard enough. You used us..."_ The sickening voice continued repeating those phrases and Karkat continued sobbing, curling into a ball with his head between his knees and tight grip on his weapon. He could feel the warm blood soak through his pants pants, he just wanted this to stop._

__"You didn't love us enough. You didn't try hard enough. You used us. You didn't love us enough. You didn't try hard enough. You used us..."_ _

_~_

_When Dave arrived back at his apartment, the first thing he saw was Karkat whimpering on the floor, curled up into a little ball and shaking violently. He immediately went over to him, a worried look on his face. "Karkat? Karkat. Karkat what's wrong? What happened?" The troll shook his head rapidly and refused to look up, shakily mumbling in Alternian. "Karkat I can't understand you. Speak English goddammit so I can help you!"_

_"I killed them...," he whispered, looking up now, "I killed them again. Their blood is everywhere..." Karkat's eyes were red and puffy from crying so much, a pink stain on his cheeks. He glanced down at his hands, which were tightly balled up into fists, and began sobbing again. "I killed them! Look, their blood is on my hands." Dave confusedly glanced down and shook his head._

_"Dude...there's no blood. You didn't...nothing happened okay?" Karkat shook his head and looked at the floor besides Dave. He turned to see what the shaking troll was looking at but saw nothing. "Come on...lets just calm down okay? There's nothing here. No blood. Nothing happened, okay?" Karkat shook his head and Dave took the risk of putting his hands on Karkat's cheeks, forcing the other to look at him. "Hey, focus on me. There's no one in here but you and I. No blood. No one. Nothing happened. You're fine. Repeat after me, 'I'm fine.'"_

_"I'm...I'm fine." Karkat whispered and Dave nodded. The troll was shaking in fear, his eyes wide._

_"Good. Now deep breaths...just relax..." Karkat did as told and took some deep breaths. Dave slowly let go of Karkat's face and went down to pry the sickle out of his hands. Once that was done he stood up and helped Karkat to his feet. He was shaking. "Let's get you to bed okay?" Karkat nodded and allowed himself to be lead. When he turned around, the bodies and blood were gone._


	11. Chapter 11

Karkat was just numbly staring at the wall, not talking. Dave was worried, now he really didn't know what to do. He didn't want to leave Karkat alone anymore. What if he freaks out and thinks he sees blood and thinks he killed someone again? What if next time it's worse? Fuck, Dave didn't know what to do.

"Do you want to talk about it?" The albino asked timidly, but Karkat merely shook his head. "Okay...but uh, just let me know alright? I'm here for you dude." Karkat nodded numbly and Dave stood up, walking out of his room to give Karkat some space. He wanted to do something, but he didn't know what. He pondered the idea of calling Sollux and Equius over, but he had a feeling that that might make things worse. Kanaya? No...someone different so Karkat would be able to relax and slowly reconnect with his friends. But who...? 

~

"Hey John." Dave whispered as John walked in. "Keep quiet, I don't want Karkat freaking out or anything alright?"

"No problem!" John whispered back. "So, what exactly is it you needed me to do?"

"I don't fucking know man, just...talk to him. Be friends with him. Use your goofball charm. I just...I want him to feel safe and calm and shit. I told you what happened earlier right?" John shook his head. "Well I found him in the corner, curled up into a little ball and crying that there was blood everywhere and he just killed someone." John frowned and tried to peek inside of Dave's room.

"Why do you think I'll be able to help? He's always sort of hated me. Or at least I annoyed him to some extent. What if I just set him off again?" Dave shook his head.

"You won't. At least I think you won't. If he starts to get crazy just try to get out. Don't hurt him or freak out or anything. I'll freeze him and you get to go home. Deal?" The buck-toothed boy nodded hesitantly and together they slowly walked to Dave's room and peeked in.

"Hey buddy..." The albino said, getting Karkat's attention. "You remember John right? He came to visit you. Isn't that cool?" Karkat didn't respond and Dave lightly pushed John in. John had to admit, he was a bit nervous.

"Hey Karkat! Long time no see huh dude?" Karkat stared up at John blankly before scooting slightly, giving him room to actually sit down. "So uh, how you been? You look better than when I first saw you!" Karkat shrugged. This was going well. Dave kept mentally reassuring himself that this was going to be fine. He just needed to leave them alone, so he went into the kitchen, fixing them all up something to eat. It was about time Karkat had a snack anyway.

"So," John continued, "did you know that Dave's going to technically be my son soon? Roxy and I are engaged so my best friend is going to have to call me 'dad' or some shit! Weird huh?" Another shrug. "Oh, fuck, that's right. You're a troll, you don't...have families like humans. Well you see--"

"A dad is male figure in someone's life who raises them or helps create them. I know what a father is John. I technically am one after all." John blinked, not really sure how to respond to that.

"Oh...okay...I didn't know you had...kids..."

"I don't, not anymore at least. They aren't genetically mine but...I adopted them. A while ago. They're mine now so I'm their father. Or...I was their father." John felt the awkwardness begin to seep into the air between them. He _really_ didn't know how to respond to that now. Instead of continuing this conversation that was doomed for disaster, he cleared his throat and changed the topic.

"So uh, Dave was thinking about becoming a director! Like Dirk's bro! Since his DJ job doesn't really pay him regularly...plus he's been uh, spending a lot more money recently...so he needs the cash..." Karkat grunted in response. "He was thinking of re-making one of my old favorite movies! Isn't that cool?" The troll shrugged and John frowned. "Maybe he could do one of your rom-coms too? That'd be cool wouldn't it!"

"Those movies were horribly written and unrealistic as fuck. I honestly don't see the point in them anymore. In anything really." Oh fuck, the awkwardness was coming back again.

"But...you loved those movies and those books! You used to read them to Dave. You even wrote some of your own..."

"People change John. Two sweeps of fucking shitstorm after shitstorm can do a lot to a person." Karkat's hands were balled up into fists and John was honestly scared, or at least worried. Thankfully Dave came in a moment later with some snacks.

"How's it going in here?" John shook his head, indicating that things were not going as well as Dave hoped and Dave frowned. "Well...I have snacks. Karkat, your gummy vitamins..." Karkat turned to Dave and grabbed the two little bear shaped gummy vitamins and ate them before grabbing his glass of orange juice. Meanwhile John and Dave shared a bowl of potato chips. They'd offer Karkat some but his stomach just wasn't ready for it yet.

"So...what're we talking about here? John? Karkat? Care to fill me in?"

"Nothing." The troll replied curtly. If Dave wanted Karkat to get back on track to the happy train he'd need to do something.

"Well...lets talk about something then. How about...the other day when Karkat got a full nights sleep. No waking up in the middle of the night whatsoever. Just full on sleep. Ain't that a big step forward John?" John smiled widely and nodded.

Karka hated this. Everyone talked about him and to him like he was a child. He wasn't he was traumatized. He didn't need to be talked down to. He needed to comforted. This was absolute bullshit and Karkat wanted to let them both know. But fuck, Dave was trying so hard. He didn't want to let him think that everything he was doing was only making him worse. In all honesty Karkat was feeling better. He was beginning to eat and sleep, this was actual progress. He just wish didn't treat him like he was stupid instead of just traumatized.

~

Later once John left, Karkat was sitting patiently on the couch, waiting for Dave to do his regular debriefing about Karkat's day. The albino sat down as expected and Karat immediately began speaking.

"I want you to stop it." Dave blinked, surprised.

"Stop? Stop what?"

"Stop all that shit you're doing." The troll replied curtly. He didn't even bother to glance over. "You're treating me like I'm stupid instead of just...in pain. And I'm not fucking stupid. I'm not some little wriggler that you have to use baby talk to communicate with, I don't need you to constantly hold my hand Dave." Dave was at a loss for words, he didn't know what to do or say.

"I'm just trying to help you dude--"

"Yes and I appreciate that but...that isn't the way to help. You of all people must know. I don't want a fucking pity party thrown for me. I don't people coming in and out thinking 'Oh look at poor Karkat, it must suck to be him.' I don't want that. I want to feel normal again. I want you to help me but I don't want to be treated like a goddamn infant with some sort of sickness."

"Karkat, I didn't know, I thought I was helping." Karkat stood up, still not at looking. Dave stood up as well. "Listen dude, I swear I'll stop. I didn't know it bothered you, I swear I'll stop."

"Good. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to try to get some sleep..." With that, Karkat left Dave alone in the living to bear his guilt by himself.


	12. Chapter 12

Dave was out again and Karkat was alone. This wasn't a good idea, Dave knew it wasn't. After what happened the last time Karkat was alone Dave didn't want Karkat to be alone again. He couldn't do anything though, the troll clearly told Dave he didn't want to be babysat and what if Dave called Kanaya over to watch Karkat while he was out? That probably wouldn't end well for anyone. So instead Dave just swallowed his fears and told Karkat where he was going and exactly how he could be contacted if he needed anything. Once all that was settled, Dave hesitantly left.

Karkat didn't like being alone. Being alone gave him more of an opportunity to snap. Another opportunity to see _them_. Then again, if Karkat wanted to learn to live like this he'd have to be alone eventually. This was a good a time as any.

He reached for his small bag of belongings and dumped its contents on to Dave's floor before dumping the remaining contents of his sylladex on to the floor as well. Now with everything out in one pile, Karkat realized he had more stuff than he thought. A majority of it being weapons. Swords were the most prominent weapons of the bunch. He didn't know why he had them, or even bothered to learn how to use them. He was always horrible with them but for some strange reason he used that weapon the most. Its latest victim was a certain cerulean blooded troll with a passion of mind controlling people. Karkat quickly set that sword aside, not wanting any unwanted memories to resurface.

There was a lance in the pile, a nice black metal lance with the Empress' symbol engraved on the handle. Karkat smiled, remembering who it was for. The lance was a gift for none other than The Cavalier. An un-confident yet brave bronze blood who was eager to learn everything there was to know about being the leader of an army. That's right, Tavros Nitram himself had eagerly set himself under Karkat's wing and was ready to learn everything there needed to be learned about being a brave Knight and soldier like he was. Karkat of course had no idea what to teach Tavros but Tavros learned. Unfortunately, Karkat would never get the satisfaction of seeing Tavros in action and knowing he taught him how to be great. Oh well.

Setting the lance aside, Karkat picked up a small bag. He shook it and from inside it sounded like bones rattling. The troll frowned and set it aside. Inside was something gruesome he did in a fit of overlapping emotions, the memories of that day flooding back into his head. He had a few moments alone with the corpses of his quadrantmates. He needed something to remember them by but he couldn't think straight. All of his emotions were mixing together and he did something drastic, he ripped the horns off of their heads and hid them. It was creepy and just plain wrong, even if he was distraught. But what was done was done.

Karkat spent the next couple of hours digging through his pile of possessions, trying to figure what he could keep out and what he would have to hide away in the closet for no one to see. He finally settled on keeping out only his sickles and the few books he had always kept in his sylladex. Everything else was shoved inside the closet, hidden from anyone to ever see and leaving his sylladex empty.

The troll sighed and stood in the middle of the room, his eyes closed. He felt calmer now that most of the physical things that reminded him of the bad times were out of sight, therefore out of mind. Things would hopefully get better from here.

~

"Long time no see huh cool kid?" Terezi grinned from ear to ear as Dave laughed breathlessly, nodding.

"Sure has Terezi." Dave shuffled awkwardly outside the door and Terezi invited him in. Vriska was in there, sitting leisurely on the couch with the remote in her hand, this was her hive as well after all.

"So what brings you to our humble abode Strider?" Vriska asked, still flipping through channels.

"I actually need to borrow both of you for a bit. I'm getting the old meteor gang back together, you know, in hopes that maybe seeing some familiar faces will break him out of his shell. Kanaya and Rose are already in so I just need both of you to agree." Terezi and Vriska hummed in unision and turned away from Dave, mumbling to one another. After a moment they nodded.

"Alright Mr.Strider, we'll come to your Karkat Party!" Vriska nodded with her moirail.

"Just make sure the little freak doesn't go and killer mode like he did back when he first showed up, or else I'll be forced to stop him myself." Dave rolled his eyes at the cerulean troll and stood up, thanking them before leaving. Hopefully this would work.

~

"Come on Karkat, it's just a little get together. It won't do you any harm." Dave sighed in exasperation. Karkat refused to leave the room when Dave told him how many people would be coming over. He didn't think he was ready, he didn't want to lose it and do something horrible to someone. He just wasn't ready. "It's just a couple people. Kanaya will be here so you'll be fine. Just trust me dude, it'll only be for a couple of minutes!" Karkat refused to speak. "Alright, if you come out this one time and don't enjoy yourself then I promise I won't have anyone coming by unless you want them to. Deal?" Fuck. That actually did sound like a good deal. The troll pondered the offer and bit his lip before opening the door. Dave grinned from ear to ear as he watched Karkat walk to the couch and sit down. Now all they had to do was wait for their guests to arrive.

They didn't have to wait long, in just a short while Kanaya and Rose knocked on the door and gracefully strode in. Kanaya gave Karkat a firm hug, momentarily forgetting that he still had some things that needed to heal up, and Rose behind her girlfriend. The Seer of Light greeted Karkat warmly and offered her hand to him, being careful with her distance since she knew that Karkat had some negative feelings towards her. All was well though and Karkat nodded to Rose stiffly, taking her hand awkwardly and shaking it.

They all sat around making small talk, Karkat was actually beginning to warm up. His posture relaxed and he allowed himself to smile ever so slightly. Things were beginning to look up for him. A little while passed and a knock from the door was heard. Karkat ignored it and continued talking to Kanaya and Rose about how life was here on "new Earth", after that everything went downhill.

"Hey Karkat, long time no see huh?


	13. Chapter 13

Karkat wanted to lunge at her. Throw her out of the apartment and keep her miles and miles away from him. From the very first word she said his instincts began flooding back in. Karkat couldn't think straight.

Vriska was there. Vriska, of all people Dave could of invited he invited _her_. Vriska, that disgusting troll who forced innocent trolls into her and her matesprits army. Who practically forced Karkat to kill those innocent trolls who didn't want to fight but had no choice. Vriska who captured and tortured him for days as revenge for him killing her matesprit. This disgusting blue blood was here and laughing just a mere feet within Karkat's perimeter. It was horrible.

Karkat would glance over to glare at Vriska every once in a while and everyone noticed it. Karkat couldn't help himself, his brain had been hot wired to attack her and he was using every bit of strength he had in order to _not_ do that but it was getting increasingly difficult.

"Karkat," Dave whispered into the troll's ear, "are you okay? You're kind of glaring at Vriska..." Karkat's jaw clenched.

"I'm fine." He responded curtly, loud enough for everyone to momentarily glance over to the two of them. Karkat had to relax, he couldn't let something so stupid take him over. This wasn't the Vriska that did those horrible things. This Vriska was someone who did different things, slightly less horrible things but horrible nonetheless. Karkat had to calm down before he did something stupid.

"What's your problem Vantas?" Ohhhh fuck. Fuck this was going to be way more difficult than expected. Vriska spoke and when she did Karkat had to remind himself once more that this Vriska wasn't the Vriska that had wronged him. This Vriska didn't deserve whatever Karkat was thinking of doing to her.

"Nothing Vriska." Karkat spoke through clenched teeth. The once happy and lighthearted atmosphere quickly turned tense. Dave was ready to spring up and stop Karkat in case he tried to do something he would regret later on.

"Seriously, what the fuck is your deal? If you have something to say then say it. If not then keep your eyes to yourself and untwist you panties." Okay. Okay that was it. Karkat glanced at Dave apologetically for a moment before going back to glaring at Vriska.

"My 'deal' is your entire existence, you filthy murderer." Then tension rose dramatically when Karkat uttered that. Even if he wasn't facing them, Karkat could see Kanaya and Rose tense up. He knew Dave was mentally freaking out and hoping Karkat would calm down. The truth here was that Karkat was already too far gone to calm down, although Karkat did subconsciously hope he didn't take things too far...

"Oh really?" Vriska scoffed and flipped her hair over her shoulder. " _I'm_ the filthy murderer here? I'm not the one who showed up out of nowhere covered in blood. I'm not the one who jumped on Aradia or tried to snap Gamzee's neck now am I? No, I wasn't." Karkat snarled and Vriska snapped her fingers, a look of fake realization on her face. "Maybe I'm the one who kept carrying around dirty and useless weapons everywhere! Or maybe I'm the one who can't take care of himself! Oh no wait, that was you."

"I swear to fucking god Vriska, if you don't shut up you'll regret it." Karkat was on the edge of his seat, his muscles were tense and he was honestly trying his best to calm down. This Vriska wasn't the same Vriska. This Vriska was not this same Vriska. This Vriska was not the same Vriska.

"I'll regret it?" The Thief of Light scoffed and waved Terezi's hand, which was resting on top of her shoulder, away. "Really? What are you going to do about it?"

"Vriska," Dave said anxiously, "maybe you shouldn't--" The blue blood cut him off, lifting a hand up and staring Karkat down.

"No Dave. I want to know what he'll do. Go on Karkat, since you're soooooooo keen on showing off what an apparent "bad ass" you are suddenly, go on and tell me what you'll do. I fucking dare you. I bet you don't even have the guts to do anything." Karkat stood up and briskly walked into Dave's room. Dave was clearly panicking now, he didn't know what Karkat was about to do and he was just so stressed out and he just wanted everyone to have a nice time. Dave's frustrations were not eased when Karkat came out of the room with a sword that was covered in blood, the most prominent being the certain shade of blue of the troll currently antagonizing him.

"You see this?" Karkat pointed the sword, one that very much resembled Vriska's own sword, towards her chest. "I've killed you once before you and I could do it again." Dave stood up and tentatively put a hand on Karkat's shoulder but that didn't help. The staring contest between Vriska and Karkat didn't end and Dave could see the hint of disbelief on Vriska's face, seeing her own blood color on the sword. Of course many trolls shared her same hue but still, it was off-putting.

"Oh really?" Vriska nonchalantly pushed the sword's tip away from her chest and stood up. Even with Karkat's little growth spurt she still towered over him. "That could be anyone's blood, how do I know you're not just lying to try to scare me, hm?" Karkat growled before responding.

"When I killed you, you screamed like a little bitch. You cried and whined and you were flopping on the ground like a fish out of water. The best part was you thought you would kill me before I killed you. You thought that by keeping me locked up you'd be safe and look where that got you. Screaming like a bitch at my feet and begging for mercy. And you know what? I would do it again." Vriska's face was unreadable. So many emotions were flashing across her face. Finally, she just settled on pure disgust.

"You want to do it again so badly? Then come on and do it." The two were practically touching noses with how close their faces were. Karkat's grip on the sword tightened and he growled. Dave's heart was beating fast and before anything escalated, he held out his hands and froze Karkat on the spot. Kanaya and Rose both took the liberty of picking up the troll and hurried him out of the room while Terezi yanked her moirail to the kitchen and began scolding her. This was too close. Dave couldn't handle this, Karkat nearly went off his rocker and it didn't help that Vriska was egging him on. Oh god, he could feel himself about to cry in frustration. No. He couldn't do that now, he had to keep it together. He took a deep breath and let his muscles relax while simultaneously unfreezing Karkat and briskly walking into his room where the three were.

Kanaya was already standing tall and intimidating in front of the door. The troll in question was attempting, and failing, to stare her down and let him through. Another deep breath in to build up some confidence and Dave walked straight past the rainbow drinker and in front of Karkat.

"What the fuck was that?" The albino pushed his shades up and crossed his arms. This caught the troll off guard but he quickly regained himself. "Honestly Karkat, what the the _fuck_ was that?"

"Dave you _saw_ her! She was--"

" _No_. I don't want to hear it. You sit down." Karkat looked at the Knight of Time in disbelief and reluctantly sat down on the bed. Dave quickly snatched the sword out Karkat's grip and handed it to Rose who quickly went to hide it away. "You _do not_ do that Karkat. Jesus dude, it's like I'm talking to a fucking dog! Do I seriously have to scold you for this? You should know not to try to kill someone when they're only here to help you. That's common fucking logic!"

"But she started--"

" _No._ She _did not_ start it. She was only here laughing it up and having a nice time until you decided to go all terminator on her. You kept giving her looks, _of course_ she was going to bring it up and _of course_ she was going to call your bluff on that whole "I'll kill you again!" shit. It's Vriska. If you had some weird deal with the "other" Vriska then fine. I get it. I totally do, but maybe next time you could tell someone. You can speak. Bring it to attention and we will do something, you don't just keep it in until I have fucking stop you from murdering someone!" Karkat was glaring down at the floor, tears prickling his eyes. He didn't know why he was crying, he's been yelled at before. "Do you understand?" Karkat nodded and squeezed his eyes shut.

Kanaya kneeled down besides Karkat and placed a hand on his knee as Rose ushered her brother out. Dave didn't want to yell at Karkat but he felt like he didn't have a choice. Karkat could not just be doing that all the time, he had to know that he needed to speak up. He did the right thing...right? Dave sighed and heard Terezi and Vriska talking in the kitchen and he instantly began storming over to the blue blood. 

"What the _fuck_ was that?" Vriska rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. 

"What do you mean? You saw what happened, he went psycho on me and I nearly died." 

"Oh please Vriska, you know very well that you were practically pushing him to snap. This is as much your fault as it is his." 

"Puh-lease Dave! If anything this is your fault too! You're babying the asshole! He needs to learn that he can't just go flaunting his fucking sickle and say he's the destroyer of trolls or whatever the fuck without people trying to knock him down a peg. He needs to learn Dave and you're not helping him by covering his ears whenever someone tries to talk some common-fucking-sense into him. Terezi, back me up on this!" 

"I am _not_ babying him. He just needs to learn things slowly and carefully. One step at a time. Besides, if you're so concerned about him apparently learning right from wrong you wouldn't be trying to push him to break your neck!! That isn't how you "knock someone down a peg"! That's the exact opposite of it!" The Scorpio rolled her eyes and looked at Terezi, waiting for the Libra troll to say something that agreed with her side of the argument. 

"I'd hate to admit it Vriska but Dave has a point." The Scorpio troll groaned as her moirail agreed with Dave. "You were pushing him and you know it. And you _know_ it was stupid and dangerous. We've done some crazy shit before but come on. We're here to help him not make him want to hate us even more than he already does." Vriska began tapping her foot impatiently as her moirail continued speaking. "What if _I_ wanted to talk to him and hang out with him? You _know_ I've missed the shit out of him and you're just making him be even more scared of us..." Finally, Vriska sighed.

"Okay okay I get it. I messed up and I shouldn't of done that. Old habits die hard but I won't do it again. Besides, I wasn't in any real danger. I have allllllll the luck in the world." Terezi grinned slightly and continued talking to Vriska but Dave didn't listen in. Instead he stumbled over to the bathroom and locked himself in. 

His five minutes of confidence were up. He couldn't do this. He couldn't constantly keep scolding and checking Karkat. He couldn't financially support the two of them. He couldn't keep his own stress and frustrations in check while simultaneously dealing with Karkat's. He just couldn't do this. Dave finally allowed himself to start crying, it coming out in quiet sobs. He was just so frustrated and didn't know what to do. For now, the crying helped. 


	14. Chapter 14

It was hours after everyone left. Dave was still locked in the bathroom and Karkat was still in Dave's room. Karkat had his own little crying session and in all honesty, that did make him feel a bit better. The time alone also gave Karkat time to think. And his thought was that Dave was right.

Quietly, Karkat walked out of the room and knocked on the bathroom door. Dave didn't open it at first but he did after a moment. Karkat probably needed to use the restroom and he couldn't restrain the troll's basic necessities because of his own emotions.

"Dave..." Karkat's voice was quiet, a heavy tone of guilt very present. "I've been thinking about what you said...and you're right. We do need to talk..." Dave blinked and nodded reluctantly. He honestly had no clue how to respond to that. "Maybe it's better if we talk sooner rather than later..." Another nod and Dave stepped out the bathroom. Karkat led them both to the couch and sat down with his legs crossed and clutching a pillow. Dave's position was less casual and more stiff. This was awkward for him. He yelled at Karkat not too long ago and just spend a good amount of time crying in frustration, now he and Karkat were about to talk and hash things out. This was awkward.

"You know Karkat, maybe it's better that we talk some other time." Dave was already beginning to get fidgety. "Maybe tomorrow when things are less awkward and we get a good's night rest. You know a full night of sleep will give us the perfect energy to get everything out in the air."

"No Dave, this kind of shit is going to be awkward for as long as we keep avoiding it. We might as well just...get it over with." Dave had to admit, Karkat had a point. If they just kept avoiding what needed to be said then it wouldn't be helpful to anyone, _especially_ not Karkat and the whole point of this was to help Karkat. The albino nodded and tried his best to relax.

"Do you need...like some sort of starting off point? To get things going?" Karkat thought for a moment before nodding. "Alright uh...well...can you explain...exactly how you and Sollux and Equius...y'know...all became one giant happy quadrant family...?" Karkat nodded stiffly. This wasn't going to be the easiest of topics to talk about but he figured after the other day's episode it might be good to talk about it.

"It's kind of a...weird story..." Karkat scratched the back of his neck, thinking of exactly where to begin. "It wasn't long after I first arrived over there. I already had my title and everything but the Empress thought I needed better weapons...so I went to Equius..." Karkat paused and chewed on his lower lip. He didn't want to drone on and on with useless details, he wanted to keep it quick. "Long story short...I was desperate. I had no one and Equius was the first person I saw that acted semi-normal to the Equius I knew and I just...fuck I'm pathetic." The troll sighed and pulled his knees up to his chest.

"Hey...no you're not..." Dave patted Karkat's reassuringly, though Dave had no clue what Karkat was saying. So far he had gathered that apparently Equius was the first normal troll he saw and Karkat was evidently pathetic. Dave was lost.

After a moment or two Karkat composed himself and resumed talking.

"I was desperate for someone. After I found out that the stupid crab watch didn't even fucking work I needed someone there for me. I didn't actually think Equius and I would ever be moirails, I just needed a friend... I invited him to train with me and...we just kind of hit it off I guess? God this must be the shittiest explanation ever." Dave shook his head and urged Karkat to go on. "He just...he was the first person there to actually talk to me like a normal person. He was...surprisingly nice to me and I just sort of attached myself to him after that. We didn't immediately become moirails though...it took some time. We just...grew on each other. Every second of free time I had I always spent at his shop, always talking to him and helping him and just...bonding with him. Our moirailegiance just sort of...happened. But it felt natural and right. In all honesty I might've fooled myself into believing that I was pale for Equius. Like I said, I was desperate and I probably just needed a friend."

Dave was quiet now, processing what Karkat just told him. It seemed...reasonable. Dave supposed he could relate in a way. Karkat had nothing and no one so he latched onto the only person he was familiar with and pretty much forced himself to have false feelings for them. That sounded familiar...in a way.

"As for Sollux...that encounter was a little different." Dave crossed his legs to feel more comfortable as Karkat continued. "I first met him when I was trying to disprove a stupid rumor that was actually true. I got hurt and was bleeding heavily and he happened to find me... Coincidentally we were near my hive. Once I woke up, Sollux was still there. Obviously I wasn't just going to let him go...I mean it was _Sollux._ He was my best friend here so I figured he would be my best friend there too, clearly we became more than that."

"I don't know how to describe it..." Karkat sighed and thought, trying to find the right words. "I guess...it was a lot like how you and I fell in love." Dave blinked and he felt a twinge of pain in his heart while simultaneously feeling a spark of hope. "Though I will admit, it happened a lot faster than you and I. And it was less awkward as well...but I still felt that connection with him. Like...a hole was filled somewhere inside of me...the only difference with Sollux was that I still felt kind of empty, even before he died I just didn't feel complete. I loved him all the same though...it just...I dunno...felt kind of empty?" Dave nodded, still listening but in all honesty he was still hung up on what Karkat had said on how he fell in love with him. "We were happy and that was all that mattered, we had a couple of grubs..." Now Dave was paying full attention.

"You _what?"_ Dave's eyes widened and his mouth was agape. "You had a couple of grubs? With Sollux? _How??"_ Karkat chuckled nervously and looked down.

"They're not actually mine, well they are mine! Just not genetically. I adopted them...well more like...stole them... But I had a very good reason!" Dave was still incredulous but he waved his hand, telling Karkat to continue. Maybe he didn't have a chance with Karkat after all if he had a couple of kids with his late matesprit. "They were originally...Vriska's...but if they stayed with her they'd grow up all corrupted and...horrible. So I...kidnapped them. Into a newer and safer home that would properly teach them right from wrong. Kidnapping is still pretty fucked up but...I did the wrong thing for the right cause...right?" Karkat looked to Dave for reassurance, unfortunately for him Dave stayed quiet. He was still trying understand that Karkat had kids of his own. That was just way too much. Eventually though, Dave nodded slowly and spoke.

"Y-Yeah dude, totally. I would've done the same thing...probably...I wouldn't of. Kanaya would've though!" Karkat frowned a bit.

"Yeah...anyway...their names were Camber and Rivkaa. Camber was always so quiet and calm. He loved biting everything but because his teeth haven't come in yet he just drooled all over the place. Rivkaa was feisty. She always wanted to be the center of attention and would do anything from head-butting to screeching to get her way. They both constantly fought over who got to be the center of attention first." The troll smiled at the memory of his adopted children and sighed. He really did miss the two grubs that he had but at least he knew they were now in the hands of the most trustworthy rainbow drinker he knew.

"They sound great, but I have a question..." Karkat nodded. "Okay so...you need two trolls to make the lil grubs right? Like at least two, maybe three if I remember weird troll mating customs or whatever. So that means that this "evil Vriska" had to have a matesprit or a kismeisis, right?" The troll nodded stiffly, his once relaxed posture instantly tensing up. "Then...who was the other troll?" The cancer troll's expression darkened and his hands curled into fists and caused Dave to feel slightly scared.

"No one important." He snarled out as he stood up and instantly walked to Dave's bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him and leaving a very confused Dave in the living room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the weird updating schedule! I've been pretty busy lately but hey, at least I got this new chapter up! I have about two more written but I won't update again until the third one is written. (I like to have 2-3 drafts already saved just in case.) Also I just want to say thanks to everyone and your kind words towards this fic! it means a lot that so many people enjoy it!


	15. Chapter 15

Karkat mentioned his crab watch in their earlier conversation and that got Dave thinking.

After the game Dave was furious that Karkat had mysteriously not made. His emotions got the best of him and made him reckless and the recklessness made him rip off the communicator watch he had made and throw it to the ground. Repeatedly. It was broken ever since. Now Karkat had mentioned that his never worked but maybe, just maybe, it was just that Dave's own communicator wasn't working properly so obviously he never received Karkat's messages. If he could find and fix his communicator then he could finally receive Karkat's messages. Sure they might not be useful now but in all honesty, Dave was curious as to exactly what Karkat was trying to communicate. That wasn't the only reason why he was doing this though, maybe having both their communicators working will give Dave more confidence in leaving Karkat alone, that way they could be in constant reach of one another and nothing could happen. The only problem here was that A) Dave had no idea if Karkat still had the damn crab communicator and B) Dave had next to no idea if he had his _own_ communicator. He had an idea though.

"Karkat," Dave knocked on the door once before it swung open. It had only been a couple of days since Karkat decided to open up a bit but ever since then he's seemed a bit more at ease. At least he didn't answer his door with his weapon in hand. "Listen man, I need to ask you something really quick." Karkat nodded and stepped aside to let Dave in. "The other day you said that your crab watch didn't work right? Well I was thinking, it probably wasn't _yours_ that wasn't working it was mine!" The troll raised an eyebrow and was about to speak when Dave cut him off. "To make an incredibly long and unnecessarily boring story short, I may have of broken it and shit but that's cool. I think I know where it is! Now I just need to know if you have your watch. You do still have it right?" Dave was clinging onto the shred of hope that Karkat kept the contraption even if it was completely useless to him. Maybe he kept it out of spite? Who knows as long as he kept it.

"Of course I kept it." Dave cracked a smile. "I still don't know why I need it though. Or why either of us need it."

"Because the ass and crab watches are something great for the both of us to use to be in constant communication. I was planning on buying you like, the latest smartphone or some shit but I feel like these will be better for us. For now at least. They're just to hold you off until you're more accustomed to life at me Earth." The troll shrugged and went to kneel down besides Dave's bed, crawling underneath and moving the junk away to find his crab communicator. A moment or two of scouring through the mess and Karkat pulled out the small purple crab. Dave's heart leapt with joy when he saw the small contraption. God it's been ages since he saw it and it brought back happy memories of dumb make believe scenarios of secret agents and Rose putting in little effort to be the villain along with late night conversations about personal topics. Fuck he missed that.

"Okay, I have it. Now where's your?" Dave simply shrugged and grabbed Karkat's hand, gently of course. He didn't want to accidentally press on a bruise he might have there or something.

"That's the fun part of this whole thing. It might be in storage."

"What do you mean 'might be'?"

"I mean I packed away all my old shit and gave it to Rose. I'm pretty sure she put all that stuff in storage along with everything else everyone didn't want but then again I have no fucking clue. Here comes the fun part, you and I get to dig around through the boxes and look. Plus you get to be out and about in the world." Hesitation was clear on Karkat's face. In all his time here he didn't actually think about going outside. What if he was to snap again? An innocent troll, human, or carapacian could get hurt. Karkat didn't want that.

On the other hand, this could be good. Like he kept trying to remind himself; he had to get used to living life as normally as possible. And if he wanted to do that he'd have to go out into the world and explore. This task didn't seem that difficult anyway, just go out to the storage block, dig through some boxes and that was it. Plus he would have Dave with him the entire time. This would be a piece of cake.

~

Karkat forgot how bright the sun was when you weren't inside. Yes he was supposed to be practically used to the sunlight since he did often stay up all day to keep watch over Her Imperial Radiance, but for one reason or another the sun here on Earth was brighter than the sun he was used to. Dave, being the overly prepared helicopter parent, pulled out a pair of dollar store sunglasses for the troll since he had a distinct memory of Karkat mentioning how sensitive trolls were to the sun. That and Kanaya pointed out that if Karkat had been flung back into an all troll society them Karkat would of course be back to his previous nocturnal behavior. Karkat however rejected the shades, stating that he was tough. He could survive some sunlight and eventually he would get used to it.

Oh. Okay. Dave defeatedly slipped the shades back into his jacket pocket and continued the rest of the walk in near silence. However, every so often Karkat would tug on the human's arm and ask what was what, which was understandable. Things that seemed like basic everyday things such as cars, planes, and day cares (which Dave described as a giant room where babies are stored for hours) were probably alien to Karkat. Dave had to admit, it was nice seeing Karkat like this. Curious at every new thing he saw. It almost seemed as if he had managed to officially destroy that shell he had been hiding in from the second he arrived here, but Dave knew better. Once they were back home in the small apartment then Karkat would most likely scurry back into the room and do whatever it is he did. Oh well. Dave would just have to enjoy the few minutes he had while Karkat seemed like his old self.

~

"All my boxes should be labeled Dave. Only look through those," Dave said as he pulled open the giant storage room door, "but if you happen to find a couple with your name on 'em you're more than welcome to dig out whatever you'd like and take it home with us. Cool?" The troll nodded and obediently began poking around and looking for boxes labeled with Dave's name.

It didn't take that long to find the boxes and open the up. They were one of the few ones stacked on top of the endless rows of boxes. Karkat sat down behind a stack of boxes as he tore open the tape and dug through its contents. It didn't have much, just Dave's old godtier outfit and his now useless iShades along with other junk he constantly kept with him in his sylladex during his time in the game. Everything in that box was completely useless and Karkat knew that. Even so, once Karkat saw that red god garb he tensed slightly. Whenever he did have those nightmarish dreams Dave was always wearing that stupid Knight outfit. Karkat hated the fact that he couldn't even see what once was supposed to be a little safe haven for him without thinking the same things he's tried to push out of his mind for a long time now; _"Get out. Leave. Dave is a threat to you. He doesn't want you here, every time you go to sleep you're giving him an opportunity to strike. Kill him before he kills you."_ Now that Karkat had this hellish piece of clothing in his very own hands it didn't make him feel too much safer.

_"Dave isn't like that,"_ Karkat thought to himself, glaring down at the red fabric, _"he hates these kinds of things. He hated this outfit. He hated killing and fighting."_

_"But if he hated that then why would he always cackle once he spilt your precious blood all over the floor?"_ No. No not here. Not now. Not again. Karkat tried so hard to not look up but it was like an invisible hand tilted his chin up and made him stare into the lifeless eyes of his deceased moirail. _"If does not enjoy killing or any sort of violent activity why did you always picture him doing such things to you? Why did you always picture him slicing open your chest and slashing you to bits just for fun?"_ Fuck. Fuck no, this wasn't real. Karkat shook his head.

Suddenly, it felt like the walls were getting closer. He felt surrounded by these boxes, his chest felt tight and couldn't breathe properly. Dave was in here, in here with Karkat in this tiny tiny tiny room. Fuck, Karkat needed to get out. Karkat needed to run away. He couldn't stay here with Dave. Dave was a threat. Dave loved to hurt him for sport. He was probably just. Keeping him alive and tending to his every need so Karkat could trust him. Yeah. That was it. That disgusting human was using him, he was tricking him. Karkat needed to leave, to run away as far as possible. Karkat needed to--

_"You need to kill him."_ The troll looked up at his dead moirail. The ghostly image of the blue blood looked serious, dark even. _"Get rid of the threat before it does anything to harm you. You and I have trained this. Listen to your palemate, Peacekeeper. Kill the alien before he does what you always envisioned he would do to you."_ Yeah. Equius was right. He needed to keep himself safe, what a better way to do that then kill the bastard Strider? Karkat would kill Dave. Karkat would kill Dave. Karkat would kill--

"Found it!" Dave exclaimed excitedly as he pulled out the little sandwich bag where his old communicator was. It was broken into several different pieces and the only thing still in perfect condition was the little foam ass he insisted on planting on top of it. This was fine though, he could repair this in no time. Well maybe not Dave but he sure knew a couple of trolls that were good with technology that could repair this in a jiffy. Dave glanced over to where Karkat was sitting on the floor and frowned. The troll looked he had just seen a ghost. "Dude, you okay?" Karkat nodded stiffly and closed the box in front of himself and slid it away before standing up. He looked tense, this only worried Dave. Maybe he had seen something in that box that brought back painful memories? He was about to ask before stopping himself. This wasn't the place and it wasn't the time. Karkat would come to him later if he needed to talk, Dave just had to be patient. "All right, if you didn't find any of your boxes we'll come another time. For now let's just go home."

~

Dave was gone again. He said he just needed to drop off the demolished communicator off at Dirk's so it could be repaired. He would only be gone for at least fifteen minutes though so Karkat didn't have to worry about anything. Only Karkat was worrying. The troll was pacing back and forth in Dave's room, sickle in hand and his mind torn in half.

_"Kill Dave. He is a threat. You don't know what he's capable of, he may kill you. He may have developed a blood lust while you were gone. Remember that sickening smile he had plastered on his disgusting face as he sliced you open and let your blood run free on his sword. Remember that horrible laugh and degrading words. Get rid of the threat before it hurts you. Protect yourself."_

_"No, don't kill Dave. That Dave you always had in mind back then was an evil concoction of those two lunatics. They wanted to throw you off. They wanted to destroy you emotionally so you could be easier to kill. This Dave is different. This Dave is your friend. He would never hurt you, he would never even dream of wanting to kill you or anyone else. This Dave is no threat to you and never will be."_

Karkat snarled and clasped his hands on both sides of his head. The stupid voices, they were his voices. He was arguing with himself on something so stupid it was frustrating him. This whole thing was frustrating and angering him. He didn't know which side of his thinkpan to believe. Kill Dave and probably be wrong, causing an uproar and potentially getting himself killed. Or, not kill Dave and leave himself vulnerable and potentially get himself killed. Fuck. This was all so frustrating. Why did he have to choose Dave to stay with of all people? Why could he not have of stayed with Sollux and Equius? He should've just endured the emotional pain of seeing them everyday and just spare himself the constant worry and fear of living with the human.

_"Kill Dave. Kill Dave. Kill Dave..."_

_"Let him live. Let him live. Let him live..."_

The stupid voices in his mind wouldn't stop chanting those phrases and it was driving him _crazy._ He needed to make up his mind before he tore his own hair out.

He dropped his sickle on the bed and walked out into the small living room. If he killed Dave, who would take care of him? Who would want to take care of him? Everyone here would surely shun him away if he murdered Dave. He couldn't take care of himself, not here on Earth at least. Everything and everyone was so new and intimidating. He needed Dave to guide him through his new life. Besides, Dave was becoming a good friend. Or at least a friend. He was trying his best to get Karkat to be better and it meant so much to Karkat considering he didn't have much at the time.

However, if Karkat didn't kill him things could get worse for him. Every second Dave was alive was another second he may be using to plot Karkat's death. Every second Karkat was asleep Dave might be hovering over him with that knife with a crazed grin on his face. Every second Karkat wasted on not killing Dave was a second closer to Dave killing Karkat. Fuck. Karkat's head was pounding. This stupid paranoia was taking a toll on him, if he didn't do something soon things could get worse. If they got worse who knows what Karkat might do.

The troll sighed and forced himself to relax and think things through. Once he was done, only one voice was chanting it's stupid little phrase.


	16. Chapter 16

_"Dave? Dave can you hear me? Dave, it's me Karkat. Over."_

_"Answer me! I know you're just sitting there in your respiteblock. You're listening to everything I say aren't you? This is most likely the shittiest prank you've ever attempted to pull. I thought John was supposed to be the juvenile one."_

_"I know you're there. I know you're just ignoring me. Answer me Dave!! Please. Just answer me. I need to know you're there, if you are then I have some small sliver of hope! Just...give me a sign...anything...please...I love you."_

_Dave's heart was breaking. The communicator was fixed and honestly, he didn't know if this was the best or worst decision he's ever made._

_"Dave? Dave fuck I feel so goddamn pathetic saying this but I am terrified. I have no clue where I am. Can you even hear me at all?? Does this piece of shit communicator even work anymore??"_

_"Dave? I know you aren't there. I just like pretending you are. Maybe you're just asleep and then when you wake up you're going to have that shit eating grin plastered on your face as you message me back with that cliche-ass "did ya miss me?" line. Not that I don't like your overused romantic lines or that I don't miss you. ...I miss you a lot. But if you tell anyone I said that I'll...do nothing and probably just cry. Fuck, fuck this. I want to go home."_

_"Dave? Dave i'm way in over my goddamn head here. I'm just a weak low blood but for some reason or another they think I'm som kind of heroic troll. Like that one fictional human with all those amazing abilities. Superman? They think I'm superman or some inane shit like that. I'm so frustrated."_

_"There was so much blood today, well there's always a lot of blood but today...I don't know. I nearly passed out. The smell and the colors. It's all over me. But you know...thinking back to the first time I've had to do this...it's easier. And I'm scared of it being easier Dave. I don't want to be like this."_

_"I had a dream...you would never do that to me right? Dave. Dave answer me! You'd never kill me right? It was just that bastard clown making me see things. Fuck. Fuck Dave ANSWER ME. TELL ME YOU BASTARD."_

_"You're disgusting. You're a filthy murderer. ...No. No, no wait. No you're not! Fuck. My thinkpan is so messed up. I can't remember...how you were. All the thoughts of you are...horrible. Just tell me you aren't that monster I'm forced to think of. Dave, please."_

He was crying again. Dave didn't know how else to react. It hurt him hearing these messages but for some reason he couldn't bring himself to stop listening. He was hearing the exact words Karkat was saying while he was slowly losing the already weak grip he had on himself. He supposed he should've expected this, Karkat did say that he attempted to contact him everyday. And he should've expected something remotely heartbreaking. It was his own fault for choosing to listen to the messages right away. Oh well, Dave was now trying his very best to stop the flow of tears. What's done is done.

The albino sniffled and set the little communicator to the side. Hearing Karkat's desperate and terrified voice made this all so much more real. It made him being gone for six years and finally coming back seem like something more than just a shitty nightmare. Karkat had legitimately been gone and flung into some other universe. He had actually been branded and had the shit kicked out of him. He actually had children and he actually had to kill off his own quadrantmates. Karkat had to go through all that while the hardest thing Dave has been through was simply losing him.

He was way in over his head here.

~

_"Are you ready to run? I've been waiting patiently for this."_ Karkat shot up, his eyes scanning the room desperately. _"Are you ready to run?"_ Where was he? God, he couldn't see him. The troll slowly slid off the bed, and kept himself in a crouching position. He couldn't find the source of the voice and he couldn't find his sickle. _"I've been waiting patiently for this."_ Goddamn it. The sickle was in the living room. Why did he let himself get convinced by Dave to leave his weapon out there? Karkat's heart was beating fast, he needed those sickles. He needed that one weapon. One more quick scan of the dark room and he raced into the living room, however he skidded to a halt upon seeing a certain albino who has been haunting him recently. _"Hello, Karkat."_ Dave smiled sweetly. Karkat tensed up and took a step back.

"Go away." The troll whispered, trying to sound as confident as possible but utterly failing. "I know you aren't real..." Dave's evil duplicate chuckled, momentarily flashing two large fangs, and shook his head.

_"What makes you say that, darling?"_ Dave's voice was sickeningly sweet, a shiver ran up Karkat's spine upon hearing it. _"I can safely assure you that I am one hundred and twenty percent real."_

"Humans don't have fangs." Karkat's voice shook as the doppelgänger strode closer to him. A pale hand gently forced Karkat's chin up so he could properly look Dave in the eyes. He wasn't wearing shades so the bright red iris's were as striking as ever. "Dave doesn't talk like that either..." Karkat's breath caught as the imitation Knight of Time leaned in close, to point where their noses were touching. This Strider was so...enticing. It was difficult for Karkat to look away from this bold eyes. The troll; however; gulped and glanced down and noticed small, yet still noticeable patches of grey skin littering the skin exposed skin. "And...humans don't have any grey skin whatsoever." Another chuckle Dave pulled back, much to Karkat's dismay.

_"Okay, you caught me. So I ain't the **real** Dave Strider. But I'm close enough aren't I? If not than I'm definitely better."_ Dave moved his hands to his pockets and Karkat flinched. Fuck he wished he had his sickle right now, everything would be so much simpler with his weapon in hand. _"Calm down darling,"_ Dave murmured in that horrifyingly comforting voice, _"I'm not going to hurt you."_ He stepped forward again, resting a hand on Karkat's waist.

"How do I know that? Every time you show your ugly face I end up getting gutted." Dave smiled warmly and held his hands up defensively. Karkat blinked and it was like Dave's entire appearance changed in the half second his eyes were closed. The already red godtier gab of his had nearly unnoticeable stains of red on the brighter parts, on the darker parts however it was prominent. There was bright red blood dripping down the pale white sword he was loosely holding along with some blood dripping down his chin. It was a disgusting sight.

_"'Ugly face?' I'm offended sweetheart. You and I both know that this face is far from ugly."_ Dave chuckled and Karkat glared at him. _"But trust me this time, I ain't going to hurt a single hair on your head. I'm only here to help you."_ Karkat raised an eyebrow.

"Help me? Help me with what?"

_"With me of course. Well not me me but the me that's currently sleeping soundly in just a mere five feet away from you."_ Duplicate Dave took one giant step to the side to as if dramatically revealing the real Dave Strider who was in fact sleeping soundly on the couch. _"You know how I am, Peacekeeper."_

"How you are is completely different than how Dave- the real Dave!- is. He's...he won't do anything. I don't need any help from you."

_"Are you sure? I, well more **we** can be unpredictable."_ The bloodied albino knelt besides his sleeping counterpart. _"Our minds change at the drop of a hat. One second,"_ Dave disappeared for a moment then reappeared in front of Karkat, his hands gently holding the troll's, _"we may want to help you and take care of you."_ Dave smiled warmly and pressed a gentle kiss to the troll's hands. _"We may want to be with you and hold you every second of every day and never let you go. But the next second,"_ in one quick motion Dave was holding Karkat from behind, the edge of his blood covered sword pressed against Karkat's neck, _"we may want to find the best way possible to get rid of you. After all, who would want a filthy murderer in their home?"_ The sword disappeared and Karkat let go of the breath he didn't know he was holding in.

"Dave isn't like you. This Dave is not going to hurt me. I've already decided that he isn't going to have to die, not by my hands at least. He..he hates fighting and blood and..he wouldn't do that."

_"Six years can change a person, Peacekeeper. You should know, just look at yourself. Six years ago you were a small and innocent troll who just wanted to be a good leader and wanted to help his matesprit overcome his deepest darkest fears. Now...well now you're a cold blooded murderer."_ Dave shrugged and patted shoulder's with fake sympathy. _"You can kill any one you want and you wouldn't even feel the slightest hint of remorse. Now ask yourself, will a scared and confused teenage boy who was forced to watch copies of himself die and given the power and responsibility of a God, would he not change for the worse over six years?"_

Karkat gulped and glanced over at the sleeping human. This Dave... he had a point. Dave was able to change so easily once, from his stoic and obviously fake self to a now more confident and open one. If Dave could change that...then maybe he changed even more. Maybe the power of being a God went to his head. Maybe now he kills for sport since he knows he can get away with it.

_"I can see the gears turning in your head, Peacekeeper. You're mulling it over but you and I both know that I'm right. But maybe you need some...extra motivation."_ The imitation Strider winked and before Karkat knew it Dave's slender hands were gently roaming down Karkat's body. Karkat blushed and gulped again. He could kill him right now, he could attack this fake Dave right now and be done with this. However his mind couldn't exactly get Karkat to hurt Dave right now, it was too focused on how the doppelgänger's lips were still gently touching the back of his neck and how gently his arms were around him and how soothing his voice was. Fuck. This wasn't how an evil clone was supposed to act.

_"Come on Peacekeeper, you and I both know that you want to. You want to finally be free, wanna get rid of that stupid- yet devilishly handsome- grin as he slices you open. You want to live without the fear of him coming after you."_ Dave was speaking so low it gave him goosebumps. _"I wouldn't be here, trying to convince you to do what was right if it wasn't right at all. I am a part of your mind and your mind knows right from wrong better than anyone else's. I'm only looking out for your best interest."_ Karkat hesitantly opened his mouth to speak, secretly not wanting to ruin this moment, but Dave smiled warmly and pressed a finger against Karkat's lips just as he was about to talk. _"I know what you're about to say sweetheart: I was right and you should've never doubted me. Well, I forgive you."_ Karkat tried to speak again but was cut off. _"Shh, darling don't talk. And better yet, don't think anymore. Just do it. Do what you know is right. Your weapon is right here..."_ He stepped to the side, uncovering the sickle that was behind him.

Karkat was shaking. He knew he shouldn't be listening to him, he knew this was not the right thing to do. Even with knowing that this was wrong Karkat couldn't stop himself from stepping over and gingerly picking up the sickle.

_"That's right Peacekeeper."_ Another shiver ran up Karkat's spine as that sultry voice was heard behind him. He was talking again in that voice that made everything seem okay. That soothing tone not seeming all that bad now. A pale hand gently turned Karkat's head and the two of them looked one another in the eyes again. Dave's lips were practically touching Karkat's own and it killed the troll that there was the smallest space between the two of them and keeping their lips from meeting. _"You know this is the right thing to do don't you? I'm only here to help you darling."_ Karkat nodded slowly and turned away from Dave to look down at the actual Dave. _"It'll be quick...well probably not. You'll get caught up in it and you'll be hacking away at him long after he dies. But it'll be fun, freeing. You'll finally get rid of one thing that's a threat to you."_ Karkat nodded again, tears forming in his eyes. _"No, darling don't cry."_ Dave caressed the troll's cheek. _"Don't think about it, he won't feel anything, I promise."_ Karkat lifted the sickle ever so slightly. His hand was shaking more. _"Go on, you can do this."_ Dave purred in his ear. Another nod and he raised the sickle even more. The tears wouldn't stop flowing but he was determined to ignore them. It would be quick. It would be painless. Everything would be okay, he could do this.

"I..." Karkat's lips quivered and he shook his head, the tears now flowing uncontrollably. "I can't do this!" Karkat screamed out and dropped to his knees, letting the sickle fall to the ground in the process. Dave jumped away, his heart racing a million miles an hour. Seeing the sobbing troll next to him he immediately sat up and pulled him into his arms.

Karkat was gripped Dave tightly, burying his face in the human's shoulders. The albino was mumbling calming phrases to relax the sobbing troll, his voice was soothing and nearly identical to duplicate Dave's. So much so that Karkat looked up in a panic, expecting to see the doppelgänger himself there but when he did look up he was gone.


	17. Chapter 17

"I'm not going to lie, I'm freaked out dude. Like, beyond freaked out." Dirk grunted in response to his brother and poured two cups of coffee, handing one to Dave before sitting down.

"Right. What exactly is it you're freaking out over? When you called earlier you just kept saying 'dude' and asking if you could come over. And now that I'm almost fully awake at," Dirk glanced over to the clock before resuming his sentence, "six in the morning I would like an actual explanation instead of just 'dude' repeatedly. Unless of course you've made a secret language for the two of us to use. If that's the case then you're a jackass for not handing me the translation sheet and helping me understanding what 'dude dude dude dude dude dude.' meant." Dave rolled his eyes at his brother's statement, an amused grin playing on his face.

"No I didn't but honestly that sounds like a great idea which we will explore more later on. Right now we have serious matters to discuss." Dirk nodded and took a sip of his coffee, motioning for Dave to begin. "I think Karkat may have of tried to kill me last night." The Prince of Heart nearly spat out his coffee at that, his eyes wide though that probably wasn't noticeable behind his triangular shades.

_"What??"_

"Listen, I'm probably wrong and I am praying to whoever the fuck that I am but...I swear I think he tried to kill me last night. Don't freak out or anything but--"

"What do you mean 'don't freak out'?? Dude, we just got out of living with the constant threat of dying. I am not going to just calmly sit off in the sidelines while you live in a house with a troll who has attempted to kill you." Dave opened his mouth to speak again but was once again cut off by Dirk. "No, wait," he sighed, "why exactly do you _think_ he was trying to kill you? Let's start with that." 

"Right...Well as I was saying, last night... I don't know what happened to him but...fuck all right. So I was sleeping on the couch as usual and suddenly he just screams that he "can't do it" and of course that shit wakes me up. Now I see him sobbing and shaking in front of me, mumbling how he "can't do it." Of course the first thing I do is comfort him and shit but as I'm doing that, I see his fucking sickle next to him. So I put two and two together and..."

"And you think he tried to kill you." Dirk sighed out, running a hand through his hair. Dave nodded, a glum expression on his face. "Honestly Dave, I don't know what to tell you here. I mean...he tried to kill you. Under normal circumstances I'd say that you should probably just...stop. Stop trying to take care of him, stop trying to fix him, stop trying to do things for him. If he is trying to murder you while you're sleeping then dump him off on someone else but considering your previous relationship with him dumping him off on anyone is not going to happen any time soon. We haven't even touched your financial stability since he got here--"

"Yeah okay before we go into what a sad life I'm living I'd also like to mention that Karkat kept mumbling to himself in his weird cicada language...not that that really helps back up the want to keep him home and continue trying to help him. I just...I don't want to send him off to anyone else. He asked for _me_ specifically. Me of all people! He could've gone for Kanaya or Terezi- hell he could've even asked for you! But for some strange reason he asked for me, even if he did say he was scared of me. I just...with that knowledge I feel like if I ask Kanaya or someone else to take care of him I'd feel like I'm letting him down and I don't want to feel like that...not again. Not anymore."

"I understand." Dirk reached over and patted his brother's shoulder. "So here's what I'm gonna tell you dude, I know you wanna keep doing this but you also have to think of yourself. Your needs and shit. You cannot just keep thinking exclusively on Karkat. To help him get better you have to make sure you're feeling one hundred percent mentally, emotionally, and physically. That means don't go wasting all your money on useless junk in hopes of getting Karkat to revert back to his old self. That means don't go overworking yourself so you can earn more money to buy previously said useless shit. That means don't spend all of your time with Karkat. You have other friends. Hang around with Roxy and John before they get married, hang out with Rose and Kanaya like old times. You can even come around here one of these days to hang out with Jake and I, but actually come over at a time with he isn't sleeping."

Dave nodded, pushing his shades up to the top of his head as he rubbed his eyes. Dirk was right, he couldn't be constantly tiring himself out just so he could make Karkat better, faster. No, that was something that needed time and making himself broke and constantly tired wasn't going to help anyone. Then again Dave was...Dave. He had gotten Karkat opening up and got him back on track so far...maybe his old methods would work again?

~

_"Darling, what happened? I thought we agreed on something last night?"_ Duplicate Dave was leaning against his sword, pouting slightly. Karkat could barely make him out. Everything was so blurry all the sudden.

"We didn't agree on anything asshole, you manipulated me into doing what you wanted!"

_"Correction, I gave you a helpful push in the direction you wanted to go in. You and I both know you subconsciously wanted kill him. It was...sort of like revenge. You can't kill me considering I am now an official part of your mind so you might as well get rid of the actual Dave. Don't even pretend like I ain't right."_ Karkat scowled and crossed his arms. 

"You know what? Fuck you. I don't have to listen to you. I can kill you right now. I can kill you slowly and make you beg for death."

_"Mhmm, sure ya can short stack. You and I both the know the truth. As long as you are fast asleep I am the superior one. No matter how many times you actually "kill" me I'll **always** be back. And I will always be the one speaking the truth of your mind. I know exactly what you're thinking, and you hate that don't you?"_ Dave smirked maliciously and picked his sword up. _"You hate how I know that you think about just running away and killing that Serket bitch. You hate how I know I only take up Dave's form now and not that piss blood's is because of your feelings for him. You hate how I know that you can't get rid of me. The clown may not be making me manifest in your nightmares anymore but I am burned in your brain. You can't get rid of me baby."_

"One day I will. Mark my words. One day, I will fucking end you. So enjoy your stay here because before long I'm going to fucking destroy you. I will make sure you never crawl back inside of my fucking head." Karkat snarled, a lip curling over one of his fangs. Dave simply laughed and before Karkat knew what was going on Dave's sword was impaling Karkat's chest. 

Dark spots were appearing in Karkat's already blurry vision. He felt the sword painfully sliding out of him as Dave laughed viciously though he sounded far away. Karkat woke up with a start as Dave swung his sword down and sliced through Karkat's neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO SO SO sorry for getting this chapter out two weeks late!!!! I went to go visit my brother and nephew in Nevada for a couple days and when I got back school started so I was/ am busy with homework. ALSO I got extremely sick when I got back and all the cold medicine I took made me sleepy so I couldn't stay up late to write. But thankfully I'm better now and I hope to get new chapters out sooner!! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and tell me what you think!


	18. Chapter 18

"Nightmare I'm assuming." Rose uttered as she calmly turned the page of her book. Karkat was sitting up and breathing heavily, his hands balled up into fists and his nails making small tears in Kanaya's sheets. The troll nodded slowly as he wiped the sweat off his forehead. "Let me take a guess what it was about. Did it happen to involve the evil fake Dave who previously seduced you into nearly murdering real Dave?" Karkat looked taken aback. How did Rose know all that?

"How did you know all that?" Karkat mumbled incredulously. Rose chuckled and set her book to the side. 

"You talk in your sleep a lot. I must be honest, it was a tad bit surprising hearing you talk about a "sexy" evil version of my brother seducing you into killing Dave in his sleep. It was also interesting hearing you talk about that said evil clone return to taunt you about not killing him." Karkat looked down sheepishly. If Rose had heard that then what else did she hear? Did Karkat say anything else that could've been potentially embarrassing? He didn't think so...

"Ah, so he has finally woken up." Kanaya smiled as she walked in, holding a tray with teacups and a small stack of pancakes. "Honestly I expected you to wake up much sooner, but I suppose the more rest you get the better." Kanaya sat down on the edge of the bed and handed Rose a cup before setting the tray down on Karkat's lap. "Eat up, we don't need you passing out due to the lack of proper nutrients in your system." The cancer troll nodded and began slowly picking at the pancakes. "So, what were the two of you talking about?"

"We were just talking about how Dave's red-hot evil dream clone was attempting, and sort of failed, to seduce Karkat into killing Dave. The real Dave that is." Kanaya blinked in confusion. Karkat didn't blame her, if someone told him that he'd be confused as well.

"I...I can honestly say I have no clue what any of that sentence meant and quite frankly I'm scared to find out." Rose chuckled and shifted in her seat before speaking.

"Apparently Karkat has been having wet dreams about killing people." The jade blooded troll only looked even more confused with that explanation. "Let me elaborate Kanaya, Karkat here has a secret imaginary friend that wants to kill off Dave, but I'm assuming it's not _just_ Dave that you want dead, correct?" Karkat clenched his jaw down and his gaze down at the pancakes. He nodded stiffly. "I'm assuming the other days actions means that perhaps you would enjoy Vriska to meet a violent death by your hands...and perhaps a couple other of your friends. Hell i even have a feeling you'd enjoy seeing my own demise but that's probably because I'm only annoying you." Rose had the smuggest grin on her face as Karkat nodded stiffly once more. As much as he hated to admit it, Rose was right. 

"Karkat, I have to ask why the fuck you want to kill so many people. Vriska I can understand, she can be aggravating from time to time but Dave? I just want some sort of explanation and Rose's explanation only made me more confused." Karkat stabbed his pancakes, refusing to look up at the two intimidating ladies in front of him. "Karkat. Explanation." The cancer troll groaned and glanced up at the two staring down. 

"Fine, what do you want me to say?"

"I believe Kanaya and I would like an explanation as to why you want to kill people and why an evil Dave is seducing you to do so. Actually, explain why there is an apparently evil and seductive version of my brother lurking your mind."

"I will if you just stop saying he was seducing me!" Rose nodded, a shit eating grin lingering on her face. "Thank you..." The cancer troll sighed and eased back down. He honestly wasn't looking forward to telling them this, or anyone this really. Sure he had managed to open up to Kanaya before but that was...different. Somehow.

"Dave...was used against me. In a way." Karkat frowned and bit his lower lip, trying to think of a proper way to explain this. "You see...he was something good in my mind when times were crazy as fuck. Kind of like a weird safe place for me. And that little 'safe haven' for me made me stronger and get through harsh times, so of course someone decided to turn him into a nightmare for me. The image I used to have of Dave was soiled. He was turned into a fucking demon and it sucked. The worst part was that the asshole who made Dave into a monster for me did it slowly and made me slowly go insane and made me doubt myself... Actually, now that I think about it that was a pretty smart idea." Karkat gave out a little half-hearted chuckle and continued.

"With the one thing I had to keep me going destroyed, it was easier for the enemy to attempt to take over. But then of course I found another thing- two actually!- to keep me going and...things got better. Sort of." Fuck. Karkat didn't know any sort of way to explain this without sounding like a complete moron. "Dave...was still around. The idiotically persistent fuck who put him in my thinkpan made him continue going back every single time I went to sleep, which wasn't often but still. He figured that if Dave had weakened me before he could still wear me down over time, but that only made me terrified of Dave." The troll sighed and ran a hand through his messy hair. "Even now that I'm out of that shithole Dave continues to return, along with a few other unexpected visitors but Dave has been showing up an awful lot. He is most likely a permanent part of my thinkpan now and I will probably never be able to get him out which sucks a tremendous amount of ass. Even now that I'm not asleep I can just...feel him here. Watching and waiting for me to fall asleep so he can torment me or try to convince me that the real Dave is an enemy that needs to be dealt with." 

"That is all very..." Kanaya thought for a moment, looking for the appropriate word, "...interesting...but I have one question." Karkat nodded and motioned for her to ask. "Who was the asshole who made the evil Dave appear repeatedly in your mind?"

"Oh, it was Vriska's matesprit."

"That doesn't exactly give Rose and I any general clue as to whom it was."

"It was Gamzee."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh, again I'm really sorry for putting this halter out so late. School has been taking up so much of my time. I'm really hoping I get better but by the looks of it that probably won't happen soon. However I won't abandon this fic because of my lack of updating! I will remain updating, just not daily like before. Thanks for reading and tell me what you think!


	19. Chapter 19

Days passed since Karkat's small breakdown happened and "evil" Dave had yet to make a reappearance. The two articulate ladies, however, made their presence very aware. Every single day since Karkat had told them which troll had managed to woo over the other universe's Vriska they were hungry for more information. And Karkat indulged them, telling the two of them practically everything.

Vriska, or more known as "The Persuader", was the mastermind behind the war. She was clever and meticulous with her battle strategies. Half of their army was brainwashed. She just mind controlled them and forced them to fight for her. Of course there was a group of trolls who had the same mind set as the two insane leaders but it was quite a small handful. A vast majority were forced, or more "persuaded" with her mind powers. It was disgusting what she did. Hundreds of innocent trolls died for a cause they never even believed in but she didn't care. She could just force another to join in a dead troll's place.

Gamzee was Vriska's matesprit in the other world, and together the two of them were unstoppable. It was frightening actually. Gamzee was frightening. He turned out much like The Grand Highblood, or what Karkat imagined he was like. Gigantic, viscous, merciless, barbaric. Gamzee's official name over there was simple "The Purple Blood", maybe people were too terrified to give him a proper name and the very sight of his certain shade of purple caused slight panic in everyone. Especially in Karkat.

Gamzee was no stranger to his chucklevoodoos there. In fact he used them regularly, every single day when the red blooded troll would attempt to have at least a few moments of peaceful rest, The Purple Blood would attack in nightmares that still haunted him to this very day. Countless nightmares of death and unspeakable violence were the main dreams he had, but the ones that really affected Karkat were the ones that involved those already dead. Or better yet, those close to his heart.

Dave was the first to be mutilated by Gamzee. Karkat's once loving image of the Strider was quickly tainted once The Purple Blood knew exactly what Dave was to Karkat. He used Dave against him and now Karkat couldn't even look Dave in the eye because of the disgusting projection of Dave that still walks his mind. Next of course, was Sollux and Equius. Karkat could say it was a prediction. His dreams with his two quadrantmates often involved death. Death of the two of them by Karkat's hands. He never wanted to do it, he just did. It was like some horrible unseen force was making him slice his lover's skin off or break every bone in his best friend's body. The nightmares only worsened after the two of them died. Gamzee knew all too well that Karkat felt immensely guilty of their deaths and he exploited it. He made The Marksman and The Architect appear and reappear in Karkat's dreams constantly. Always reminding him that it was his fault that they were dead. His fault that their bodies were dumped in some hole and only half buried in the dirt.

He was a brute. A giant, overly violent brute. Karkat was just glad he put and end to his reign of terror. His stupid war against Her Imperial Radiance was just, well, stupid. Both of the trolls were just not right in the head. They could not stand the fact that everything was at peace. They couldn't stand the fact that everyone was always going to be fine and the empire would remain as it would. They, for some reason, believed that there should be some sort of chaos. They needed the destruction. They needed high bloods to be the alpha trolls of society. They wanted low bloods to quiver in fear every time a certain blood color was mentioned. They wanted to be in charge, to be the all powerful high bloods. They just couldn't have those trolls categorized as "low bloods" running among their obvious superior peers. In the two trolls' eyes they believed they were doing a great justice to society, but in reality they were brining down the only shred of hope the universe had of ever being at least somewhat pure.

It wasn't just a quick lesson in Beforus history however. Kanaya and Rose did ask about the Dave Karkat seemed to be hearing and seeing quite often. However every time they brought it the cancer troll immediately shot down their questions. He talked about the Doppelgänger Dave enough.

The Real Dave, of course, got kicked out every time they came over to learn a new part of Karkat's entire experience. Dave didn't mind though. Well he did but he supposed it was nice that Karkat was spending time with Rose and Kanaya and trusting them with whatever they were saying.

...

Okay so Dave was extremely bothered by it. So what? It was perfectly natural and okay for him to be bugged by the fact that Karkat had been living with him for months and he had gone above and beyond to do so much for him just so Karkat could turn around and start spewing shit out to Rose and Kanaya. Fuck it stung to know that Karkat trusted his sister more than him. He wanted so badly to have Karkat talk to him but it didn't seem like that would happen any time soon. Especially not with Karkat's most recent midnight out burst. Fuck it though. Dave wanted to know. He had a right to know what Karkat was talking about, right? It'd be perfectly okay if he stopped Rose as she left his apartment and demand that she tell him what Karkat was saying to her. That would be okay right? Yeah. This was perfectly fine.

Perfectly fine...

Dave was still attempting to convince himself that going behind Karkat's back to Rose and trying to find out what he's telling her was fine. He still tried to convince himself that this wasn't weird as he impatiently waited for the Lalonde to briskly walk out his apartment door. By the time he stopped her mid-hallway he wasn't fully convinced that this was exactly right but oh well. This was already being put in motion and Dave had no plans of stopping it.

"Rose. You and I need to talk." Dave stood in his sister's path, arms crossed and jaw clenched. He may have had a serious façade projected in place of his actual nervous stature but Rose knew almost immediately that he was a bit uneasy.

"Oh really? What exactly is it that we need to talk about?" Rose crossed her arms, quirking a brow upward. She couldn't say she wasn't surprised that Dave was asking her to talk, she was surprised that it took this long for him to sum up the courage to confront her about it.

"We both know what it is I want to talk about. So...spill them. The metaphorical beans I mean." The Lalonde rolled her eyes at her brothers half-assed comment and led him down to the stairwell of his apartment.

"Honestly Dave, it isn't nothing too important. He has just been telling me about a bit of history in his previous home. The two cliche evil trolls who attempted to bring the downfall of an entire society, a Utopia even, for some asinine reasons. If you want to know so bad just ask him."

"No, Rose it isn't as easy as that." Rose raised an eyebrow and motioned for her brother to elaborate. "Look, he like, trusts you or some shit okay?! I don't want to butt in and make him uncomfortable and not make him want to talk anymore. That's not what I gotta do. What I gotta do is make sure he has someone to vent to and get all those bad vibes out and if that someone happens to be you, then so be it." Dave was unconsciously frowning at this point, his tone turning slightly sour. "Let him air out his bad feelings to you all he wants."

"Oh my god. Dave, you're _jealous!_ You're actually jealous of me!" Rose was laughing, cackling even. The idea that Dave was jealous of her was just way too hilarious. "You're jealous that Karkat has become more emotionally vulnerable with me rather than you!" By now she was holding her sides, tears welling up in her eyes. "My goodness that is rich! Hoo, I nearly believed that I would die due to laughing. Would that be Heroic or Just though?"

"Rose enough of your bullshit! So what if I'm a bit jealous of you!" Dave huffed angrily, crossing his arms. "It's normal!"

"Yes Dave," Rose sighed happily, wiping a couple of tears away, "it is normal. Perfectly normal and it is just as amusing. The infamous Dave Strider is jealous of me, Rose Lalonde, simply because he feels like I am stealing away his boyfriend."

"I never said that Rose."

"Ah, but it is implied. I mean, why else would you be upset? You're not petty enough to be mad that he's finally opening up. You're just bugged by the fact that it was me of all people. If it were John or Terezi you'd be fine, but you cannot help but feel slightly threatened by me." Rose smirked devilishly and winked.

"And yet again the supposedly all knowing Rose Lalonde says something completely unneeded and completely stupid just to waste all of our time. This was obviously a shitty excuse for a distraction but let me tell you this Miss Missy, my mind is focused like a laser." The Seer of Light chuckled and patted Dave on the shoulder.

"My dear brother, You're being undeniably foolish and paranoid. However if you must know what Karkat, Kanaya, and I have talked about it is nothing more than a slight history lesson. What war was taking place during his stay there, who were the two leaders of the war, his experiences etcetera etcetera." She waved her hand, attempting to dismiss the topic but Dave was stubborn and he just _knew_ something more was up.

"Nah. Nah nah nah, I know there's something else. Rose c'mon just tell me. I want to help Karkat as much as anyone else but I can't help him if I don't know. Now I would go in there and ask him myself but you know how hey gets. He won't want to tell me. You're my last resort." The God of Light sighed. She was defeated fair and square and Dave would reap his reward of the, in her opinion, useless facts.

"If you simply _must_ know, he told us about the little incident the other night." Dave nodded expectantly, motioning for her to continue. "Apparently there is a, and I quote, 'Seductive Evil Dave' living in his mind and pretty much seducing him into doing stupid things like hurting himself or hurting those he cares for. One of those people being you considering you live together." Dave was baffled. He didn't even know those words could be put together in a sentence. "To put it simply, he was basically forced to constantly dream up a version of you that murdered him at every possible chance. Now that "evil clone" has taken full form in his mind and refuses to leave him be. The other nights actions were a result of that Dave pretty much seducing him into killing you to sort of...free himself from the physical dangers of having you near him."

Dave sighed, running a hand through his hair. That was certainly...interesting. He honestly didn't know what to expect. He supposed an evil seductive Dave made sense...in a way? God he was so confused. He was half convinced that Rose was just pulling his leg.

"Well Dave, it's been nice." Rose said as Kanaya stepped out the apartment. "The two of us shall bring you some sort of food next time we come visit. Goodbye." They all bade their farewells and Dave waited a good minute or two before walking back into his home.

Karkat was in his, well _Dave's_ , room. He wasn't doing anything specific, just doing some cleaning. He had brought out his deceased matesprit's journal for today's session with Rose and Kanaya. The two of them seemed to really enjoy learning a bit more about the lives of the troll's on Beforus. Even Karkat was learning new things. He had read things in Sollux's journal he would never of dreamt Sollux though. It was so...fascinating. A knock on the door pulled Karkat out of his thoughts. Upon seeing Dave he smiled a bit. It was starting to stick to him, the idea of seeing Dave nearly all day every day. He had to admit, it was nice. It felt right. Natural, homey.

"Hey dude, can you and I talk for a sec?" The troll nodded and immediately wrapped the dog-eared journal up on a small towel, setting it to the side before focusing on Dave. "So...Rose says you got an imaginary friend named Sexy Dave...?" Karkat frowned. Lalonde had blabbed after she said she wouldn't. Great.

"Dave. It's nothing you have to worry about. Rose blew whatever it was she said wayyy out of proportion." Karkat began standing up but Dave held onto his sleeve.

"Kind of is something I have to worry about though. I mean, other Dave wants OG Dave dead." Karkat growled impatiently. "Listen, I'm not scolding you! I just want to know what the fuck is up with that."

"Nothing! I've already explained it to you Dave! It's nothing you need to worry about--"

"'Nothing I need to worry about?' I don't think so. Dude, " Dave turned Karkat to face him. His eyes were pleading and desperate. "He tried to convince you to kill me. I think that requires me to worry a bit."

"Fine!" The red blooded troll shook Dave's hands off of his shoulders, throwing his own up in the air and taking a coupe steps back. "You want to know the fucking truth behind that smug asshole? He was made so I would fear you. He was fucking made so you could no longer provide a nice, safe place for me at least inside my own god damn head. He has attempted to convince me to kill _everyone_ I love and care for but no more! Soon that fucker will be dead. He will be dead and I will dance and his fucking grave. Just you watch, just you watch..." He was mumbling to himself. Though it wasn't normal mumbling. His hands were clenched into tight fists and he was glaring at the ground. Dave took a step back, his hands raised up in defense. "I will no longer be a stupid toy to his sick game. I won't kill anyone else Dave. No more death," Karkat stood up and Dave does as well. The troll walked forward and Dave walked backwards. He continued repeating that eerie statement until Dave was just outside the door. "No more death..." The door was closed shut on Dave's face and he was left to ponder if Karkat was really starting to get better or if his condition was worsening.


	20. Chapter 20

There were boxes stacked up on one another neatly in the center of the living room, waiting for Karkat to walk out of Dave's room. Dave had left hours ago already. He had to work a double shift at his part time job in a small clothing outlet that sold things only edgy preteens would wear. It was an okay job. The employees were nice and most of the customers were too but every once in a while there was that one bitch who walk in demanding a refund even if the refund date had expired just before she walked in. Other than that slight problem, Dave loved his second job.

Of course he didn't have to work _just_ there today. He also had to head out to DJ some sweet sixteen birthday party of a rich family. Not that he didn't mind, the richer the family and the later he stayed meant the more money he received. Of course this all came with a downside. The downside here being Dave didn't want to leave Karkat alone but he also _needed_ to leave him alone. Karkat had to learn how to be independent. He had to learn that Dave wasn't going to hold his hand for the rest of his life, even if he desperately wanted to. But today was the day that Karkat learned at least a sliver of independence.

There was a note laid on top of the very top box. It was written in Dave's trademark red and read: _"I'm going to be all day. Food's already prepped for you, all you have to do is heat it up. These boxes have some of our old shit, I figured you may want to look through some things and reminisce. Call me or Kanaya if you need anything. Stay safe. -D.S."_

Hours later, around noon, and Karkat finally got up and marched out the room. Upon seeing the boxes and the note Karkat read the small piece of paper. He scoffed, shoving the paper in his pocket. Stay safe. Dave was delusional. As long as anything involved Karkat he would never be safe. Whether it be physically or mentally, he was _never_ safe.

He looked down at the boxes, a grimace on his face. Did Dave honestly believe that Karkat would want to spend his day looking through boxes that held pieces that created Karkat's old life. He felt offended honestly. It felt like Dave was telling him _'Here! Spend your entire day looking through whatever form of a somewhat normal life you used to have! It's a shame you can't have this anymore isn't it?'_ Karkat knew, however, that that wasn't Dave's intentions. He probably hoped that it'd bring the cancer troll some form of closure so he could move on with his life. Of course this sad attempt at doing so failed miserably. Karkat just picked the boxes up and one-by-one carried them to Dave's room and stacked them in the closet. Out of sight, out of mind.

_"Out of sight, out of mind. Don't you wish all the pesky things in your life would follow that same motto?"_ Karkat's clenched his jaw and slammed the closet door shut.

"You know Dave," he turned around, resting his back against the door and glared daggers at the evil twin, "you're just being a big fat nuisance and I'm getting awfully sick of you. Do you even have a proper purpose here or do you just stick around to annoy me?" Dave chuckled and walked away from his spot against the wall.

_"Of course I have a purpose darling. Of course you don't need to know none a that right now. I just want to tell you something."_

"And what would that be?" Dave snickered pointed to a picture of the original Dave. His arms were slung around Rose and Jade with John's arm around Jade. It was a nice picture that looked like it was taken shortly after coming here. Karkat glanced between the photograph and the doppelgänger, confused.

_"I know something. About you and him."_ He pushed his shades up to the top of his head. His iris' were deep purple and very unsettling. _"You may not know it yourself but **I** know it. And it's fucking **hilarious.** You're here for such a short amount of time and you're already acting like a twelve year old girl with a silly school crush."_

"What are you babbling about?"

_"You like Dave!"_ Karkat rolled his eyes. Honestly this clone was a bigger idiot than expected. _"Don't you pull the 'you're crazy card' on me. I know it. In here,"_ he pointed at his chest, "and here," Karkat threw a shirt that was on the floor at Dave when he pointed down to his crotch. He was painfully immature. _"Remember, I'm a part of you. I know exactly how you feel and think."_

"Perhaps you're confusing your feelings for yourself with me. I don't like Dave. I used to but now I don't. Things change, situations changed, people change. So shut up and leave. You're not welcomed here." Dave threw his hands up in the air defensively, shrugging a bit.

_"Whatever you say. Just know that we both know what's really going on inside of you. And a little heads up, He's coming back."_ He winked before disappearing. Honestly Karkat had no clue what that no good waste of brain-space was still doing here. The only logical reason Karkat could think of was that he wanted to psyche him out, turn back the little progress he's made. It felt like something that mischievous doppelgänger would do.

But then again...

What if...

~

An entire month went by and the path to recovery was quickly becoming more and more visible. Karkat no longer had horrible nightmares that kept him from sleeping. Or more, he didn't have nightmares _every_ night. His sleeping and eating schedules had both improved greatly. The only things he needed to work on now was not trusting a specific portion of his friends and his near constant paranoia. Other than that, Karkat was just golden and Dave could not be happier.

...

Okay. That was a lie.

Dave was heartbroken. Not for obvious reasons but because he didn't seem to be getting through to Karkat one bit. Nothing Dave did seemed to be helping Karkat ease back to his old ways of shitty movies and arbitrary rants over the most microscopic things. Dave wanted that Karkat back. Yeah it was nice, great even!, to have Karkat back. Even if all he ever did was lock himself up in Dave's tiny room doing god knows what for hours on end but Dave needed his pal back. Call him selfish, that's what he wanted and he'll be dammed if he doesn't at least try to bring that back.

He thought that maybe taking out the old boxes of crap they had kept on the meteor would maybe boost his old self back to life but no. Karkat hadn't even opened the boxes. Karkat probably didn't even read the note. He probably just thought _'oh hey, this loser is giving me some more useless shit! Better go put it in some place where I'll forget about it!'_

No. No. Dave wasn't going to be like this. He wasn't going to be petty and selfish. He was not going to be that guy. 

He took in a deep breath and sat up on the couch, glancing over at the digital clock. It was four in the morning. He had to get up in three hours to get ready and go to his second job. He was scheduled for the morning shift which wasn't half bad. Mostly no one got up at around nine in the morning, when the store _actually_ opened, to get a black band t-shirt or some weirdly complicated choker. 

Dave rubbed his eyes. He could hear Karkat snoring in the other room. 

_'This is weird.'_ He thought to himself as he stood up and walked to the slightly open bedroom door. _'Only creeps do this kind of shit oh my fuck.'_ The tired albino slowly sat down next to the sleeping troll. He just wanted to check up on him. Make sure he wasn't about to start sleep walking with a sword and nearly kill someone. That's what this was. 

Karkat's lip curled over his teeth and he let out a small growl. It was adorable and terrifying. 

A pale hand brushed the hair out of Karkat's face but the troll didn't move. Dave missed him. He missed him so goddamn much. He missed him right now, even if he was sleeping semi-soundly right next to him. He was petty. He was selfish. He could say he was happy that Karkat was back all he wanted but in reality Dave only wanted one thing.

He wanted _his_ Karkat back. He wanted someone to talk to. He wanted the troll who got mad at him for playfully flirting with Terezi. He wanted the troll who was annoyed simply by the way Dave breathed. He wanted the troll stayed up to god knows what hour watching shitty ass movies Dave liked so they could talk about them. The troll who spent so much time with The Mayor that they created their own language. He wanted the troll who once claimed he could defeat an entire army of Lord Englishes with an arm behind his back and a bicycle horn as his weapon. This Karkat, this literal alien filled with paranoia and hatred and violence and so much... _horribleness._ This wasn't his Karkat. In fact he was far from it.

Dave was selfish.

Dave was petty. 

Dave was horrible.

And right now, Dave hated himself for all this.


	21. Chapter 21

_It was like... two gigantic red light bulbs with small specks of deep purple in the middle were peering down at him. The giant mass of messy hair was filled with more blood, bones, and body parts that ever. The traditional white juggalo paint that decorated The Purple Blood's face was smeared and mixed with a rainbow of blood. His clothes were ripped and stained with even more blood. He was gigantic himself. Karkat expected no less from the hemospectrum's designated killing machine but seven feet was a bit too tall for him being this young._

_All of this was intimidating of course but the thing that really scared Karkat was the weapon. It was a giant blood splattered club with broken pieces of swords imitating spikes sticking out of it. It was big and it could rip Karkat in half if it hit him at just the right angle. The good thing was that since it appeared to be heavy, big lump of violence in front of him would move a hell of a lot slower._

_Getting killed was not a concern at the moment. No, the concern right now was the cerulean blood who barely hit six foot two with her signature red high heeled boots on. She was the real threat. Though she didn't have her own sword at hand her mind was her real weapon. Karkat was at her command if he failed to block her persuading grip. If he let his mind get distracted he would be marching up to Her Imperial Radiance and slicing her head off and no one would be able to stop him._

_"Relax Peacekeeper." Her voice was sickly sweet, almost sounding like a mother's voice when her wriggler bumps its head on furniture. "We have not come to do harm, have we sweetheart?" The seven foot troll shook his head. She chuckled and took a step forward. "Forgive us for intruding on your walk home, but my dear matesprit and I have only come to deliver a message to you."_

_"No thanks. I don't want any message you have to deliver me bitch." The Purple Blood growled and raised his club ever so slightly but she raised her hand, stopping him._

_"Oh, but you will just loooooooove to hear this little message from us. Trust me." The Persuader smiled sweetly, tucking her hair behind her ear. "You see, you have a small secret. A secret you keep from the Empire. And I know it." The Peacekeeper tensed up, his mind instantly flashing a picture of Sollux's face. "The Warlorde knows your matesprit to be Terezi Pyrope. The troll you saved from execution by claiming she was your matesprit. Now, if he ever happens to find out that this was a lie and you saved a potentially guilty troll from much needed execution...that can end badly. For you, for your matesprit, and for that poor girl you saved from a beheading."_

_"What's the entire point of this Persuader? Are merely trying to fuck up my life even more? Or do you want something?"_

_"Oh my dear dear enemy. This is simply **persuasion.** Perhaps one day...you forget to send out troops to scout for my own camps. Maybe you forget to train one day or "accidentally" not get all of your weapons and armor repaired. Just small things like that."_

_"That's all incredibly stupid. And you're even more of an idiot if you believe I would ever betray the Empress."_

_"Hm, yes I know your loyalty lies strictly with that peace loving bimbo but I assumed you just didn't want your own matesprit to die. Especially when you could have of prevented such a thing."_

_"Are you so scared of being defeated and killed by me that you would stoop as low to come to me and attempt to blackmail me? Pathetic."_

_"The only pathetic troll here is the one lying to an entire empire and hiding the troll he truly loves." She turned around and began walking into the thickness of the woods, her matesprit following obediently behind her. "Think about what I've said Peacekeeper. I can tell you now that this war will only get worse from here."_

~

Hours after Karkat had woken up he was still thinking of that dream he had. It wasn't a nightmare. It was just a dream. Simple as that. No killing or death or blood, just the simple reminder that he had a choice and he chose his Empire rather than his matesprit. At the time he didn't know if it was the right choice or not and now...well now he still doesn't know.

Karkat's thoughts wandered to Sollux. Not his Sollux but the Sollux currently here. He hadn't talked to him in quite some time and in all honesty, Karkat was starting to miss him a bit. Then again he didn't want to see him because every time he did Sollux would treat him like a baby with a machine gun. Scared of what could happen. Not that he shouldn't be. In Karkat's previous state he could've very much been like a baby with a machine gun, or in his case a library of weapons. But now...now Karkat was different. A bit different and he was proud of that. A little.

He wasn't proud of the fact that he hadn't left this goddamn house for the past few months however. Fuck. He felt caged up in here. So many hours, days, weeks, spent locked up in this dumb room. He wasn't even doing anything to really help himself. All he ever did was sit around and feel sorry for himself. That was all going to change today.

The troll rolled off the bed, grabbing whatever clothes off the floor and headed to the bathroom. He brushed his teeth, trying hard to ignore the slight pain in his teeth. They were all still a bit sore after his last dentist appointment. Hours in that uncomfortable chair as a pain with a sharp tool poking and prodding at his gums. Once done with that, he pulled off his clothes and put on whatever clothes he had in his hand. He refused to look at his body in the mirror. It wasn't worth it. Not today.

He was ready within a short amount of time. His crab watch was powered on and ready to go just in case. He had a spare key in his pocket and a sickle handy. Just in case.

Okay. Here goes nothing.

A deep breath and he opened the door, stepping out into the empty hall of the apartment building. Okay. So far so good. After shutting the door he slowly walked down the hallway to the elevator. No. No elevator. He instead went down the stairs. This was his exercise after being cooped up for so long.

Once outside the building Karkat held his breath. The sky was covered in clouds and the day was dull and grey with the slightest hint of rain. It was cool outside, but warm enough to where people didn't need jackets. It was nice out here. The troll smiled and walked down the street, taking in every single detail. He vaguely remembered the day months ago when Dave himself walked down this street, chattering mindlessly about whatever as he led Karkat to his apartment for the first time. That felt like yesterday.

He walked around for about an hour before stumbling upon a park. A perfect place for a rest stop. The troll sat on a bench right next to a small pond and closed his eyes. This was a nice day. It felt amazing to get out of the house and even more exhilarating to do it on his own. Maybe he was getting better if he could do things like these on his own now.

"Hi." Karkat opened his eyes and stared up at the Strider in front of him. Of all people he expected to see at the park, Dirk Strider was at the very bottom of the list.

"Hello." The two just stared at one another. Neither knew what to do in this situation. Dirk never really had a chance to properly talk to Karkat so he didn't know him that well, other than everything Dave has told him of course. And now, here the two of them were. Alone and staring at one another awkwardly.

Dirk was the first to do something. He slowly shuffled over and sat down besides Karkat, leaning back leisurely. Karkat stiffened up and nearly scooted away. Nearly. He caught himself before he could. This could be good for him. He just needed to relax. Dirk would not do anything to him. Hell, he barely even knew Dirk.

_Which is why he would have more of an incentive to hurt me._

No. This was Dave's brother. What harm could Dave's brother possibly want to hurt Karkat?

_Isn't it obvious you idiot? He's going to get rid of you before you get a chance to hurt Dave. Before you let that obnoxious bastard convince you to nearly kill his brother. He's going to get rid of you. But not before you do something about it._

No. Violence won't solve violence. He was not going to do anything about it and the Strider besides him wouldn't do anything either. This was Dirk. Dirk was the same as Dave right? Dirk didn't want any more fighting. He just wanted everyone to get along. He just wanted everyone to be happy. 

"Are you okay?" Karkat jumped slightly, glancing quickly over to Dirk. "You look like you just saw a ghost. Which in our case isn't a big a deal anymore but you catch my drift." Karkat nodded stiffly and looked down, unclenching the fist he had subconsciously made. 

"I'm fine. I'm just more nervous about this than is appropriate."

"Nervous about what? We're just two dudes in a park chilling. Nothing's gonna happen."

"I don't know that." Dirk raised an eyebrow and turned to face the troll. "For all I know you could be thinking of...of...of doing _something!"_

"But I'm not."

"Yes! I know that but my thinkpan doesn't know that. That doesn't make sense but...but I can't help but think...and even when I know you aren't going to do anything...I'm still thinking of ways to...to..." Karkat sighed and gave in, scooting away from Dirk. Better safe than sorry. 

It was awkward again. The two of them quiet now, Dirk looking off into the distance and Karkat looking down as he picked at the hem of his sweater. This time it was the troll who broke the silence.

"What brings you out here to this one specific park?" The human stayed unresponsive for a moment before chuckling quietly. 

"If you're trying to subtly ask if I happened to have followed you here the answer's no. And by the way, I'm not one of Dave's secret spy babysitters for you. He has no idea you're here, and to spare him the heart attack of him knowing you've gone out yourself, he'll never know." Karkat nodded slightly. "I come out here every once in a while, just to get away from the shop and the overwhelming stress of being an adult and one of the creators of this world. It's a nice break." 

"Yeah..." In all honesty, Karkat was hardly paying attention to whatever nonsense Dirk was saying. His mind was still tethered on the idea that Dirk _might_ take a swing at him. That Dirk _might_ hurt him and that Karkat _might_ hurt him back. 

"Karkat," Dirk hesitantly reached over and placed a firm hand on Karkat's shoulder, "Dave trusts you. And if Dave trusts you then I trust you. You won't do anything to me." 

"I hardly know you. It's a miracle that I even remembered your name, why even bother putting so much faith in me?"

"Simple. You hardly remembered who Dave was when you got back right? Well this is sort of like then, only this time you're not a bloodthirsty troll. This time you're a fuck of a lot calmer and you've gotten better since then. This time you've learned that you're in an entirely different place with entirely different people that have nothing to do with the people or things you've encountered before. You're better now and you've gotten a firm grasp on that. And you know you're not going to hurt me. I know you do. Dave trusts you, even after all those dangerous bumps in the road you two have recently encountered, so it's high time you start trusting yourself."


	22. Chapter 22

_"It's high time you start trusting yourself."_

He just kept repeating that to himself, over and over and over again. Perhaps Dirk was right. Maybe it was time Karkat put a bit of faith in himself. He wasn't going to lie, not trusting himself was part of the reason why he refused to leave the room or have any positive interaction with Dave. Or anyone for that matter.

"I'm going to do it." Karkat looked at himself sternly in the bathroom mirror. "I'm going to fucking do it even if it kills me." The troll took a deep breath and pressed the tip of his finger against the mirror. "Listen here Karkat Vantas, you better not fuck anything up or else your sorry ass won't ever be mildly content ever again. We don't want that now do we?" He shook his head in response. No. Of course not. The troll took another deep breath and walked back to the bedroom and began abruptly taking out box after box of dusty memories. This was how he was going to push himself to get better. He could do this.

Opening up the boxes took Karkat nearly an hour. His mind kept wandering and distracting him. He was trying to procrastinate the inevitable flow of guilt and shame but sooner or later it would come. And it did happen.

The first thing Karkat pulled out was a photograph, a Polaroid picture of Dave and himself looking happier than a pair of clams. God damn, Karkat looked so young and happy with Dave there. Their arms were around one another, Dave held Karkat as close as possible. He had a nice life on the meteor. No worries. He even had a small sort of family. He was so happy. The troll quickly shoved that photo into his pocket before he started crying. He wouldn't ruin his plan by ending up blubbering like a baby.

The next item was a small diary Karkat kept on the meteor. Just some day by day feelings he jotted down to keep himself sane. Karkat put that to the side. He'd read it later, maybe it would make him feel just a bit more normal. Taking out the remaining items in the box, Karkat found almost everything useless. It was all just a bunch of old drawings and photographs that once held emotional meaning to him but was now nothing more than a waste of space and a reminder of how much different things were and how much of a painful reminder to everyone else how long Karkat had really been gone. The next few boxes, however, held some things that the troll found adequate. His old husktop was in there, looking as good as Karkat remembered it. It's crab-legs stand were a bit scratched up but it wasn't like Karkat needed that part anyway. He found a couple of romance novels along with a few Alternian history books and fairy tales, those could be great for later. He also found a few movies, most of the discs were mostly intact minus a couple scratches. This. This was the thing Karkat knew he needed but didn't know he was actually looking for it.

If he could watch a movie, like old times, it'd hopefully make him feel more at home. And if he felt more at home then he'd make himself better quicker and that would lead to happier life. God, it was like Karkat just won the lottery of happiness.

The troll grinned to himself and dug through the box. Tonight was going to be the beginning of a fresh start.

~

_Everything was cold. The blankets didn't help Dave at all. What he needed was an insanely warm troll to angrily snuggle up against him. He needed Karkat. But he wasn't here. He was no where. He never came back and Dave would never stop blaming himself for it._

_He stood up and looked out his window to see Cantown's beautiful sunrise. The Carapacians had done a great job at mapping out the life size version of Cantown, Dave only wished Karkat was here to see The Mayor's vision come to life. He highly doubted he'd see Karkat ever again._

His alarm went off and Dave woke up with a start. Dave spent most of his lunch break napping, he didn't get much sleep last night. His dreams were being plagued with sad memories of what used to be, but it wasn't like dreaming of missing Karkat was any better.

Dave yawned and stretched. No one was in the back room at the time which was just great. His coworkers would probably tease him for sleeping on his lunch break, not like Dave cared. He needed sleep and plenty other people did it too.

He hummed and stood up, walking to the bathroom and fixing his hair in the dirty mirror. With the shades on he looked like he hadn't just taken a nap on a pile of shirts and belts. He looked himself over once more before he began heading out the bathroom and officially going back out to fold shirts and ask preteen kids what band shirt they were looking for until the little foam ass on his wrist began glowing a bright lime green. Dave didn't know what to do, he was too surprised to react. 

Dave cleared his throat and pressed down on the foam ass and answered. "Hello? Karkat? Is something wrong?"

"No, I just have a question." Dave raised an eyebrow. Karkat sounded weird...nervous almost. 

"Uh, okay. What is it?"

"I was just wondering what time you would be home.'

"Six-thirty, maybe seven. Why?"

"I want to watch a movie with you tonight." This brought a smile to Dave's face. A movie? Karkat wanted to watch a movie with him. It was like a dream come true.

"Oh, yeah dude. I'll totally watch a movie with you! If you want I can try to leave early?"

"No, that's fine. I can wait. I still need to choose a movie anyway... I guess I'll see you later then Dave."

"Yeah! Definitely." Karkat mumbled his goodbye and hung up. There was a giant smile on Dave's face. He couldn't wait to get home.

~

"It's okay," Karkat whispered to his reflection in the bathroom mirror, "don't freak out. Do not be a big fucking wimp. You are a Knight. You are THE Knight. You have faced an army larger than the universe itself and have beaten it. You can survive two and a half hours worth of shitty comedy and cheesy flirting." He hated to admit it, but he was nervous. He wanted to pretend that nothing was wrong with himself and pretend like he had never left but he knew, oh he _knew_ , that he would fuck this up somehow.

"Karkat, the movie's starting!"

"I'll be right there Dave, don't rush me." He sighed again and looked down at the sink. Goddamn it. Why was he being such a wimp about this. It's a movie. Nothing bad about it.

_You can't sit still. You're worried you'll do something crazy._

Right. Right right right. That was it. Karkat couldn't sit still, not anymore at least. His leg always shake too much, he taps his fingers, he looks around nervously. He does anything to move. What if...what if he does something insane? What if...while watching the movie Karkat somehow manages to revert back to his brutish way?

_No. that's your paranoia talking. Dave trusts you. You should trust yourself, if you don't you're basically throwing this puny attempt out into the trash._

The voice of reason echoed in his head. Karkat hated to admit it but the voice had a point. He needed to calm down. Everything would be fine. His overthinking would make things so much worse than they needed to be.

He took a deep breath in and closed his eyes for a moment before walking out the restroom confidently. Nothing would stop Karkat Vantas. Not tonight.

And nothing did.

That night was a went off without a single bad moment. Nothing extraordinary happened. No one flew off their rocker and saw evil twins or dead exes. No one freaked out and went into full Troll Hulk. The two of them just enjoyed a nice evening together, watching a crappy movie with an overused plot and recycled jokes and they had the best time together in a long time.

They sat on opposite sides of the couch. Karkat was hugging his knees to his chest, a pillow just between them. Dave was on the other side of the couch, leaning back comfortably with his feet up on the table. Every so often Dave would glance at Karkat, just to look at him. The troll was fixated on the movie, almost as if he trying to force himself to have a good time.

When the movie ended Karkat let out a quiet, nearly inaudible, laugh and glanced over at Dave. He thanked him softly for hanging out before returning to the room, locking himself in there until he came out again for another arbitrary amount of days.

Dave couldn't stop the big grin forming on his face and he couldn't stop the small happy tears prickling at the corners of his eyes. Sure it wasn't what Dave was hoping for. Karkat wasn't sitting right there next to him, making loud comments and reacting to every scene but it was something.

That was a good night.


	23. Chapter 23

He had not come out in days and in all honesty, Karkat wasn't planning on coming out at all. 

The room was cold and mostly colourless, at least in his mind it was. Blood stains splattered the floor and a pool of his own candy red was around him. He didn't know what happened. He was scared, hungry, and confused. Why did she keep banging on his door? Was it to torture him? Drive him mad? God, who knew. 

The lack of food was starting to get to him. His stomach was still unhealthily small even though he had spent a few months back in domestic civilization eating three, sometimes four, meals a day. He hadn't eaten in three days and he was already feeling like his stomach was eating itself. God, he just wished a horrorterror would pity him and finally end his miserable life. It was his time, he just knew it. He had to go now, he had done everything he could for the Empire. He needed to go. 

"Karkat, dude come out. You're seriously starting to scare me!" Karkat blinked and suddenly he was standing in front of the mirror, just staring into his reflection. It was all a weird figment of his imagination. There was no blood and no starvation. He hadn't come out all afternoon, the days in the small dungeon-like room in his mind were just in his mind. It was all in his mind. 

This had been happening a little more often than Karkat was comfortable with. He would zone out, his thinkpan wandering to the darkest corners and bringing back shitty memories like that one. He would subconsciously believe that he was back in certain places, whether it be locked up by that evil bitch in her crappy dungeon or it be that he was back home.  Home with the smell of tea and honey in the morning and raw meat in the evening. Either way, Karkat was starting to get pretty damn tired of this.

The troll took a deep breath in and unlocked the door. 

"Are you okay?" There was worry clear on Dave's expression. His eyebrows were scrunched up together and he was biting his lip slightly. For a brief second Karkat remembered the thirteen year old boy who was absolutely emotionless, Karkat had been the one to kill that Dave, but it was clearly for the better.

"Yeah. I'm fine." 

"Really? You didn't respond to me at all after my question about dinner. I was starting to worry..." The troll brushed Dave off and walked around him. 

"Everything's fine Dave. And yeah, sure I'll join you and John on your romantic dinner date." Dave rolled his eyes, not validating Karkat's snide comment with a response. Not like Dave cared if he said it. This was one of the few smart ass comments he's made in all his time home. Hell, Dave wouldn't care if Karkat said he rode John like a goddamn cowboy dressed as a cowboy. Of course Dave would have to respond to something _like_ that but luckily it hasn't happened. Yet at least. 

"Cool. But if we're going to make it you better throw on some clothes that don't reek of sweat." Karkat nodded, a small smile on his face. Today would be a good day. He would have a nice dinner and he could finally apologize to John about what happened the last time Karkat saw him. 

~

Dave's car was crap. The AC was broken but opening the windows wasn't an option, too much wind would irritate Karkat's eyes so the two of them were trapped in a too hot car in awkward silence. They were both sweaty and bored. The radio didn't even work so that only made their awkward silence even worse. 

Every two seconds Dave would glance over at Karkat. He was trying to figure out what to say without getting the cold shoulder but it seemed like nearly every topic made Karkat uncomfortable. He had no choice though, neither of them can really stand complete silence.

"So," The albino cleared his throat, "I've been meaning to talk to you...about us." Karkat scoffed.

"'Us'? Dave you make it sound like we're dating." Dave grimaced. That kind of stung. 

"I didn't mean it that way. I should've phrased it differently. What I mean is how do you feel...about us. Our friendship. Do feel like its the good old days? Or...worse? I don't know, I'm trying to get read here."

"Everything is perfectly fine Dave. Don't lose sleep over this."

"Karkat, you don't understand."

"Then explain it to me." 

"It's difficult to explain... I don't have the right words for it." 

"Try." Dave sighed and rubbed his temple. The red light he was stopped at gave him about a split second to come up with something to say. 

"Listen. I really...really...you're just really special to me. And...you live with me! And I take care of you. And you're not...uh...well i'm trying help you feel better. Like, I'm trying to help you...and...fuck. Okay. I just...I just want to know if you're doing okay so I can see what I'm doing right? No, no no that sounds stupid as fuck. I just, I have to worry dude. Let's leave it at that." Karkat rolled his eyes. "Sorry. I just...I can't explain it without it sounding weird." 

"Dave, let's just say what I know you're really feeling. You want to know if I'm feeling good enough to actually go out without me threatening to kill your friend. That's what's going on here! And honestly, I don't blame you. I'm a huge fucking jackass who constantly threatens to kill your friends. I'm sorry I've caused you so much work in making sure I'm not feeling very stabby or killy today." 

"No, Karkat that isn't what I meant! That isn't what I meant at all!" 

"Then what do you mean!" Dave groaned and pulled over, turning to face the semi-confused troll. 

"Fine, you want to know what I mean? I'll tell you. It has been legitimately no surprise that I am fucking myself over with you. You are on my mind twenty-four seven. I'm always worrying about you Karkat, I've tried doing what Rose and Kanaya and pretty much _everyone_ has told me to do and calm down but I just fucking can't dude. I love you. I love you so damn much and I just...It fucking hurts me to see you like this."

"Dave, I-"

"Now right now I ain't talking about romantic love. You are my best fucking friend. You helped me so much as a kid and now that I'm an adult and you're the one that needs help I want to help you. When I look at you...I don't know, I kind of see thirteen year old me. Just kind of scared but not wanting to show it and always on edge. I don't see that thirteen year old angry troll with shitty movies and a big ass heart who tries so hard to make everyone else happy and just keep everyone together. I don't see him and it fucking terrifies me. Karkat," Dave slowly reached over and held the troll's in his own, "I miss him. I miss him so much and I don't care what it takes but I'm bringing him back. I know it'll take a while and it may not work exactly but I'll do it. I will help you the way you did for me." He pulled his sunglasses off so he could properly see Karkat's reaction and it just melted his heart. The poor troll was crying.

"As for the romantic feelings in all this...I have to be honest. When you came back, I wasn't sure if i'd do the whole heart-eyes thing that they do in cartoons. Hell I wasn't even sure if I wanted to see you. It has been six years and I majorly blamed myself for not being there to save you from whatever the fuck took you. But when I did see you...dude it was fucking hell. I know this sounds gross and cliche but my heart hurt. In a good way. Like...fuck, it was like a hole was filling back up after i tried to shove useless things in it to pretend everything was fine. When I saw you again I never realized how much I really missed you. I know we were just kids back then and all those times I said it then probably didn't mean as much but I really did love you Karkat. You were my whole world and you're my whole world now. I get that you've lived a completely different life these past few years and you had a new boyfriend and had kids and you have that shit with evil me that currently resides in your head so I get if I don't get a chance with you again but..." Dave sighed and looked down at their hands. The tears forming in his eyes were starting to fall. "Karkat I just want to you to know I'm pretty damn grateful for those three years on the meteor. I'm really fucking glad you and I had that precious time together, you were and are the best thing that has ever happened in my shitty excuse of a life. You helped me through so much I want to do that for you. I want you to be as happy as you made me..." Dave let out a shaky sighed and looked up to Karkat, red tears were staining his face. The Knight of Time leaned closer to Karkat, averting his gaze from the troll's eyes and spoke in a shaky voice. "...I love you so much Karkat..." 

Dave leaned in a bit closer before he wrapped his arms around the crying troll, hugging him tightly and lovingly.

~

Dinner with John was a success. There wasn't a single awkward or tense moment all throughout the meal. Karkat fully participated in the conversations and even laughed a couple times. That night felt like a giant breath of fresh air. The heavy conversation in the car helped them get certain things off their chest. Dave was glad it happened.

That night went smoothly, John was honestly a bit surprised how much Karkat's comfort with other people had improved. He had a nice night and pretended not to notice Karkat and Dave holding hands under the table.


	24. Chapter 24

Dave just couldn't believe it. He couldn't. He could not for the life of him wrap his head around what was currently happening. 

Dave Strider was currently sleeping, or at least _trying_ to sleep, in his bed with Karkat. Karkat, who had his back pressed against his chest and was snoring softly. Dave was grinning like an idiot. This was happening. This was actually happening.

Dave snaked an arm around Karkat's waist and gently tugged him closer. The troll didn't stir from his slumber. He slept on, shifting to get comfortable again. Dave laughed quietly and breathlessly. This was amazing. He didn't know what he did that changed Karkat so suddenly and so drastically. Dave's little rant in the car earlier was just him spewing out the feelings he'd been holding in for so long. He didn't know talking would actually fix things! 

Dave reached his free arm up and brushed some hair off of the sleeping troll's face. This was just so...great. This was everything Dave wanted. Karkat to be comfortable again. Karkat to be happy and actually be _himself_ again. The human closed his eyes, the smile still plastered on his face. That night he fell asleep happy and with brand new hope for his future and his future with Karkat.

~ 

Several weeks later, nearly a month, and things with Karkat were only improving. Ever since that night in the car he'd just been feeling so...refreshed? No. That wasn't right. It was like he had just stepped out the shower, he washed away the old and vicious Karkat and was now his old self. It was almost as if his seven sweep old self had reemerged from his prison deep in Karkat's thinkpan and successfully kicked the ass of the troll who lived a life of misery. Things for him finally started to be looking up. Even his relationship with Dave was slowly being repaired.

Karkat understood Dave's feelings. He knew Dave liked-- _loved_ \-- him. He knew Dave was willing to wait as long as it took to get another chance with Karkat, he knew Dave was that determined. The troll however, was skeptical. Dave had _just_ reconnected with him, how could be possibly expect to rekindle the red relationship he once had with Karkat? Karkat had no clue, but he was more or less sure the old matespritship between them would happen soon.

The two of them were closer than ever now. Karkat allowed Dave back in his own room and the two of them shared the bed during the night. The troll was doing it mainly because of that certain night's events, it felt appropriate. They had a heart-to-heart and Karkat didn't want to feel guilty because Dave had just metaphorically spilled his guts to Karkat and in turn Karkat would just dump him in the living room.

Okay so it was more what Karkat thought would look bad. So what? It wasn't a bad idea. That night he slept peacefully, he didn't even remember having a dream that night. The extra warmth of Dave's human body comforted him. It was nice and he had to admit, he kind of missed it. When he was out in the day, sitting outside her Imperial Radiance's tent he would sometimes daydream of his days on the meteor with Dave. He smile and remember falling asleep in Dave's arms on the couch as they watched yet another shitty movie. Then Karkat would remember what Dave was (or what that scum sucking purple blood wanted Karkat to _think_ Dave was) and he'd shake the thought out of his head, returning his full attention to standing guard. God, that all seemed so long ago.

Karkat was; however; still thoroughly confused about his feelings for Dave. A part of him still saw Dave as the horrifying ally of his enemies who just loved to torture and kill him in every way possible, but another part saw him as a sweet young man who was probably a bit too determined to do tasks that seemed nearly impossible. A nagging voice in his mind informed him that Karkat wasn't confused on Dave, but _himself_ , but that was an internal struggle he'd rather face another day. For now he was happy hugging Dave goodbye when he left for work and falling asleep next to him at night.

~

Karkat sighed. He was sitting in front of the closet door with a few boxes around him. He was left alone for the day yet again but he didn't mind. He had wanted this, mainly because he had certain plans for the day that might've required Dave to be gone. He dug around in a box until he finally found the item he was looking for; a ratty dog-eared leather book with a yellow Gemini sign embedded on the cover. Karkat smiled sadly and opened up the the diary of The Architect. Something the psiioniic troll had treasured dearly and wrote in it daily. All of his feelings were written down here. It was like Karkat was holding a part of Sollux, a secret part only shared with him. It was nice.

Seeing the Alternian letters written in the comforting chicken scrawl of his deceased matesprit again made him feel calm. He had been a bit panicky recently what with the new Dave development but this would help him, he just knew it would. The troll eased back against the wall and began reading.

_"My moirail suggested I write my daily thoughts and feelings and whatnot in this stupid little book so I would have something to calm me down if she is ever busy. I told her this was the stupidest idea I've ever heard of but I'm doing it anyway, for her."_ Karkat frowned. The Architect's moirail wasn't exactly his moirail at the time. It sort of hurt reading this. _"I don't really have much to say today. It's been a fairly dull day. No moron has accidentally killed himself today while helping me construct my newest architectural masterpiece so there went me laugh of the day. However, there was a certain someone I bumped into. Her Imperial Radiance's newest bodyguard. I have to say, he isn't much of a bodyguard type. He's short and doesn't seem muscular at all. I honestly expected The Warlorde to choose someone far more suitable for the job. He's always going on and on about how his beloved deserves the best. I will say this about the alleged 'Peacekeeper' though, he has an intimidating look in his eyes. I cannot tell if it's the rich red color of them or if it is from first hand experience in battle. I'm sort of hoping it's merely color, because if it is then it must've been a hell of a battle to get him looking so dreadful and hopeless. He looks as if he had to firsthand witness the gruesome murder of his loved ones."_

_"It's funny,"_ Karkat jumped and looked to his left, sitting besides him was Sollux- his Sollux, _"I started up that shitty diary the first day I met you. It also happens to end the last day I'm alive. I like to think of that as a depressing little way of the universe saying my life metaphorically started when I first met you."_ Sollux smiled softly and reached over to the shocked Knight he used to call his own. _"I've missed you, Peacekeeper."_

Karkat gulped and looked down at Sollux's ghostly hand which was resting on top of his own. He didn't know what to say or do. He didn't know if this Sollux was meant to be a good memory or a corrupted one that blamed Karkat for everything. 

_"Aren't you going to say anything Karkat?"_ The Psiioniic troll raised an eyebrow. _"I haven't seen your face in perigees and now that I am, you're dead silent. Other times you can't stop talking my ear off."_ Karkat gulped and shook his head. He wasn't going to risk going back to the way he was. He didn't want to stay shut in the room all alone. He wanted to stay with Dave and be happy.

"I'm not falling for this, I just got myself better..." The red blooded troll murmured, looking down to the book in his lap. 

_"Falling for what? It's just me. I promise you, I'm not one of The Persuader's shitty mental holograms. It's me, Sollux."_

"I don't believe you." Sollux sighed and pulled his hand away from Karkat.

_"I understand. That bitch poisoned your mind. You can't even trust your own matesprit anymore. It's a sad world we live in Karkat."_ Karkat grunted in response and kept his gaze down. _"Well...it's more a sad world you live in..."_ The troll glanced over to Sollux. _"In my perspective at least...you have to live in a world where you have to see my face all the time and the face of your moirail almost always. I would never be able to live in such a world."_

"Yeah well I'm not you now am I?" Sollux chuckled.

_"No, you're not. You're a lot tougher than I."_ Karkat messed with his finger nails, biting his lip. Everything was silent for a moment before Karkat spoke.

"...It hurts seeing your face and knowing it isn't you. It hurts so bad I can't do anything about it." The Gemini troll returned his hand to its spot on top of Karkat's, rubbing his hand with his thumb. "I miss you more everyday... but I'm getting help. I'm getting better. Things are a lot better for me now." 

_"I'm glad to hear that Peacekeeper..."_ The Gemini scooted closer to his matesprit and placed a hand under his chin, moving his head so they were facing one another. _"But you know...there is always a way to make things better."_

"What...? What do you mean...?" 

_"You can always...come back home. Come back to me."_ Sollux smiled softly. _"There is a possibility. You have an Equius here in this strange world, he can help you..."_

"Help me with what? What the fuck are you talking about?" 

"Remember...long ago, when we all just barely established our quadrants you told us of this strange land and your friends...your moirail being the genius he was built you a machine, a wonderful one meant to take you home...the machine never worked. But perhaps it will here. Perhaps your Equius is more suited for the job." Karkat's mouth was dry. Sollux was right. Karkat had constantly prattled on to The Marksman about his old home, enough to the point where the blue blood decided to build a machine to help him go back. It was a nice thought and an amazing gesture but the machine never worked. 

_But what if it can work now? He has a point. Modern technology can make it work._

No. no he wasn't going to think about it. He wasn't going to entertain the idea of going back. He was better now. He had Dave. He had Dirk. He had Kanaya and Rose and all his friends. He didn't need to go back. 

_Just to see them again. Just once more. One more time, to say goodbye._

Karkat bit his lip. It was starting to sound like a good idea. And maybe saying goodbye would help him. Yeah. Besides, he'd only be there for a couple of minutes. Nothing would happen. Nothing at all. 

Convinced, Karkat began digging through the boxes again. Instead of a diary, this time he was looking for an old work journal filled with sketches upon sketches of new weapons and machines. Karkat was going home.

~

Upon arriving home that same night Dave could already feel something was off. The atmosphere was just...wrong. He slid his jacket off, throwing it on the couch and walked slowly to his room. 

"Karkat? You in there dude? I just home from work...thought maybe we can watch moms put their kids in pageants and get too competitive over it..." Dave poked his head into the room, finding Karkat on the floor surrounded by his old things. He was just staring at the wall in front of him, clutching a book in his hand with a look of pure concentration on his face. "Karkat? Snap out of it." Dave kneeled down besides the other and reluctantly rested his hand on top of his shoulder. "Dude...?" Then, as if by magic, Karkat yanked himself out of his deep train of thought. Looking over at Dave he blinked in slight confusion. 

"Oh, sorry Dave. I was just...thinking." Karkat glanced down at the book in his hands and so did Dave. He frowned slightly upon seeing the Gemini symbol embossed on the cover. 

"You miss him that bad?" Karkat nodded, keeping it at that. He wasn't about to go spewing out his entire encounter with the apparent ghost of his dead matesprit. "Hey, remember I'm always just a click of the crab away dude. It doesn't matter what time you need me, I'll answer. That's why we dug out these monstrosities remember?" The troll nodded stiffly and let Dave hug him tightly. 

That night was filled with Dave trying to comfort Karkat on something he didn't need to be comforted on. When they went to bed that night Dave held him tightly and whispered sweet, comforting things into his ear. Karkat was at ease and happy here. Which only only made him feel even more guilty about what he was going to do.


	25. Chapter 26

Karkat waited until he was sure Dave was asleep. It was around one-thirty in the morning when he finally decided to pry off Dave's grip from his waist and slide out of bed. He was doing nothing wrong. He would just go and come back. Dave would never know he was gone. Karkat slid his shoes on and grabbed his spare keys, pocketing them and snatching the small journal of sketches off the bedside table. He would be able to do this no problem. 

The troll silently tip-toed out the room and out the small apartment into the cold night. He was doing it. He was making it happen. 

The walk over was no big deal. Equius' house was just a short walk over. Karkat already had a spare key into his home from his short time spent there, so it wouldn't be too difficult to actually get in. Still, even if Equius' house was right next door Karkat would still be a bit scared. This was an entire world filled with new trolls, humans, carapaces, and all sort of other potentially deadly things. He didn't know what to expect, so the entire walk over he kept his head down and the grip on the small knife in his pocket tight. His heart was racing for no apparent reason. He wasn't in any danger. He didn't have a gang of blood thirsty people wielding weapons chasing him. The only _real_ threat here was that Dave wakes up, notices he's gone and goes out out to look for him only to find him trying to convince Equius to build a machine to take him back home. Sure it wouldn't hurt Karkat physically but emotionally it would wreck him. 

It'd hurt like hell seeing Dave's reaction to finding out Karkat wanted to go back. He could almost see it now. Dave would blink and bite his lip, trying to stop himself from crying. His dark sunglasses would hide the appearing tears but Karkat would know. Next, Dave would clear his throat and shrug, pretending everything is okay. He'd probably laugh a little and rock back and forth on his heels. _'Hey man, whatever makes you happier. I'll be happy when you're happy,'_ he'd say while choking back tears. His cool kid facade would come in handy for about five seconds before he would excuse himself and run to the bathroom to have his break down in private. He'd cry for hours and it'd be all Karkat's fault. 

The troll sighed and shook his head. He couldn't think of that now. No, instead he should be thinking about how he was going to convince Equius to build that fucking machine. 

The troll unlocked the door and slid the key back into his pocket. He still had no plan whatsoever and he was now stepping into the blue blood's house. His mind was completely blank and he was starting to question whether or not this was a good idea. 

He shut the door and walked in slowly and quietly. The mess Sollux brought with him when Karkat moved in was gone. Instead Nepeta's mess had replaced it. He had almost forgotten that Nepeta was Equius' moirail, in all honesty he was just trying to convince himself she wasn't. Equius and Nepeta were great moirails and all but Karkat was selfish and he just wanted to believe that Nepeta hadn't replaced him as Equius' moirail (though not really). As he walked down the hall he could hear the Equius awake in a small room he had used as a workshop of sorts. Perfect, now he wouldn't risk getting punched in the face. 

"Hey Equius." The red blooded troll said, trying to sound as casual as possible though that failed. The blue blood broke the hammer in his hand in surprise. He sighed and turned around, wiping some sweat off of his forehead. 

"Hello Karkat, it's a bit too late for a visit isn't it?" Karkat couldn't help but laugh a little. 

"Yes. It is. But I couldn't find a better time that would make...make more comfortable going out on my own. I'm paranoid as fuck that I'm going to get jumped in broad daylight. Plus my eyes are more used to night like before. Unlike you guys...living in the sun for so long..." the Sagittarius troll grunted in response and leaned idly against his workbench. 

"What is it exactly that brings you back? And why alone? The streets aren't dangerous but you. You can hurt someone and we do not need that here. Our society is peaceful and we don't need you running amok, destroying the tranquility." Ouch. That stung Karkat quite a bit. 

"I have a favor I need to ask you." 

"A favor? Whatever it is, I'm just going to tell you no now and save you the trouble of explaining. I don't think any favors you need are going to be too safe and I don't exactly need Nepeta getting mixed up with all this." 

"First of all Nepeta won't. Okay? There goes your number one concern. Second of all, put some more faith in me. I had to go through constant shit and I just want one thing from you. One. That is all I'm asking. Yeah I know I was a pain in your ass when I first came back but I'm getting better. Dave's helping me. I'm eating and sleeping again Equius! Remember when you had to awkwardly convince me to eat or sleep? When Sollux had to lay with me until I finally passed out? I can do all that myself now. So just...please, believe in me a little more. Besides, the favor is more for...my Equius than anything." Karkat glanced up at the other troll who seemed to be slightly interested. The other nodded stiffly, motioning for Karkat to continue. "Not to brag but my moirail was innovative. He constantly had new ideas and new machines to go along with them. Of course not _all_ of them worked but a great deal did... anyway, before he died, he was working on something. Something he felt would change everything. It was...a machine that would allow people to step into the dreams of others..." Karkat's heart was racing but he kept a collected face. That idea was stupid. Equius would never believe that. They had pretty much the same thing back in the game! 

"That...is a very interesting idea he had." Karkat nodded. "How did he think of such a thing?" 

"Well...the times I was home I would often have horrible dreams. He thought that maybe I wouldn't have those dreams if he helped me eradicate it. So he began building that machine. Of course it was unfinished but..." Karkat tossed the small journal that was overflowing with papers of sketches of different machines. Equius opened up the journal to the bookmarked page and scanned over the drawing. "I was hoping you could finish his final project. As a sort of...real final goodbye to him. He was a great moirail and I need closure too..." The blue blood said nothing for a short while, still reading over the little notes his other-self had written. The silence was making Karkat panic more but he willed himself to at lest try to calm down. He had to pull this off he wanted any chance of getting back home. 

_But back home to what if those that you love are dead?_

Not now. Shut up. 

"All right," Equius finally spoke, "I will do it. But only because this machine actually seems somewhat useful. And partially because I want to see just have 'innovative' my other self was." Karkat grinned and let out a long breath of relief.

"Fuck, Thank you Equius. Thank you so much. You don't understand how much this means to me." 

"A great deal I presume. Just please leave now, I need to finish up my own work and head to bed." He handed Karkat the journal once more and began leading him to the front door. "Come back in a couple of days with the journal again, we'll begin planning for this then." Karkat nodded enthusiastically as he was pushed out into the cold night. He didn't mind though. He was too happy to care. Things were turning out for the better. 

At least he thought they were.


	26. Chapter 26

"Karkat, will you go out with me? No. that doesn't sound authentic. Karkat, wanna go out on a date? No, fuck, that sounded worse then the first one!" Dave sighed loudly and flopped down onto his bed. Jade, who was sitting right besides Dave sloppily dressed as Karkat, looked down at her friend.

"Dave can we hurry this up? Not that I don't love helping you with this but Karkat's sweater smells like shit and all this nasty grey paint on my skin is making me feel like a desert. All dry and crackily." He took his sunglasses off, rubbing his eyes. He was starting to get tired of this too. 

"Yeah. I just, why is it so hard this time? When I was younger the words just fucking flew out of my mouth." Jade snorted.

"No they didn't. Rose and Kanaya told me how you asked him out. You alchemized shitty flowers and practically started crying trying to ask him out. And I think Rose said you just shoved the flowers in his face."

"Nooo, whatever Rose says is a lie! I'm...I'm pretty sure that didn't happen." The two stared each other down for a good minute before Dave gave in. "Okay okay that's how it happened! In my defense I was young and naive. I had no clue how to ask out someone I really like. It's hard. It's hard and nobody understands."

"Oh whatever Dave. Rose asked Kanaya out when she was partially drunk and I got stabbed in the chest."

"I don't think yours counts Jade." She rolled her eyes and tugged Karkat's sweater off.

"Whatever Dave. But you," she poked Dave's chest, "need to figure this out and soon! John can't keep Karkat busy forever!"

"Yeah yeah I know. You have to help me though! You're like...you sort of dated me at one point? Just tell me something that I did then that I can do now."

"Dave, the closest thing you and I have had to a date is when we went frog hunting and then I shot you. But I guess I can tell you not to get shot." The albino stood up and hugged his friend goodbye.

"Fuck. I wish The Mayor was here. He'd have a kickass solution." Jade frowned and hugged Dave tightly. He still hadn't quite gotten over the fact that the Mayor had passed away. Carapace's didn't exactly have a long lifespan, and Dave knew that but it still came as a great shock.

"Yeah. He would. But don't worry Dave, I'm sure you'll figure this out. I have faith in you." She bent down a bit and kissed his cheek before bidding him a final goodbye and taking the dramatic exit: flying out the open window. He watched his friend fly away until she was out of sight then shut the window. Jade was right, he could figure this out. He was Dave Freaking Strider. God of Time, creator of the World, Protector of the Universe. He can ask a hot alien out on a date. It shouldn't be hard, they've been practically dating for these past couple months. This will be a piece of cake.

_There's a such thing called friendship, little man. The crazy space warrior could be cuddling up to you at night as a friend. He could be thinking you're doing it to comfort him._

Fuck.

No. This wasn't like that. Right? Dave made himself clear. He loves Karkat but he wouldn't go and jump the gun if Karkat wasn't ready. Maybe this is how Karkat's showing he's ready?

_You don't know that little bro. He could be thinking you're all physically affectionate to help him through his insane experience. Shit like this happens._

No no no. No doubts. Not today. In fact, not tomorrow. Not ever. Dave was one-hundred percent sure this would be okay. He was going to do this and that was that.

_But what if you fuck up, Dave. What if you fuck up. You fuck up your one chance at getting your alien sweetheart back. If you fuck up you'll be alone. Alone for the rest of your life. You'll have nothing other than the already fading memories of what Karkat used to be meshing with fresh memories of what Karkat is becoming. You'll fuck up._

"I won't fuck up." Dave said aloud to himself, his voice was loud and filled with false-confidence. "I won't fuck up, and if I do, so what? It won't be the end of the world. I can ask him again. Karkat's the kind of guy to give me a retake on asking him out. But I won't need it, want to know why? Cause I won't fuck up!" Dave grinned to himself, stretching out on the bed. He could manage this. Hell he managed years of Bro then years of SBURB.

His phone rang. John was calling to inform Dave that Karkat had grown restless with John's 'Grand Tour of the New World' and he was bringing Karkat home. Dave responded with a nod, which John obviously couldn't see, then with a simple 'okay!' before hanging up. He could do this. He had about an hour, he could throw together a sweet date idea and an amazing pick up line. He didn't have to worry.

His phone dinged once. Then twice. Dave rose and eyebrow and glanced at the screen. It was work.

~

"Hello?" Karkat called out into the dark apartment. Not like it mattered if it was dark, he could still see perfectly fine. But just to make things easier he flipped on the light switch. "Helllloo?" He shrugged his jacket off and tossed it on the couch. No response. The troll frowned and walked into the kitchen. He didn't remember John telling him Dave wouldn't be home. Maybe he shouldn't of tuned out the seemingly eternal chatter of the Heir of Breath. Oh well.

Karkat opened up the fridge and began pulling out random things, things that could simply be heated up in a few seconds and didn't involve any _actual_ cooking. Left over soup from about a week ago, a plate of chicken with corn mixed with mashed potatoes from Kanaya's house the other day, and a half-eaten take out burgers from last night. Karkat sighed and looked at the table displaying the sad choices for that nights dinner. Oh well. He chose the one that was probably the best out of all three and went with the soup. Soup didn't go bad. He put it in the microwave and waited. His mind wandered to where Dave was and he wondered why he didn't leave a note. When the soup was down, Karkat sat himself down at the table and ate quietly.

For the first time in a long time his mind was blank. He didn't think or overthink. He just sat there contently, enjoying his meal. He was happy this way.

The soup was soon finished. He washed his plate, took his prescribed pills, and moved over into Dave's room. He flipped the light switch on in there and sat down on the bed. On the very corner of Dave's dresser there was a note sitting upright. On the paper in somewhat messy handwriting in a bright red ink was Karkat's name. It was the first thing Karkat saw when he sat down. The troll sighed and leaned over, snatching the paper from its spot. He opens up the note and read it;

_"Karkat, sorry I wasn't home to hear all about your presumably badass time with John and his fan-fucking-tastic touring skills but I got called into work. This night isn't all bad though. Wanna know why?"_ Karkat quietly asked himself 'why' in response to the note. _"Because I may have the greatest damn opportunity in the world, I'll only have it if you say yes though. Karkat, will you go out on a date with me? Check yes or no."_ Two boxes were underneath both yes and no, looking as if they've been scribbled there in a hurry.

Karkat blinked, then smiled. He laughed breathlessly then went to grab a pen and leave his answer for Dave to find when he returned home later that night.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter starts off with some blood and decapitation and all throughout there is excessive cursing and some Karkat talks down to himself. I know there are warnings in the tags but just in case.

It was horrible. Everything about this scene was horrible. Karkat was standing in disbelief, his knees beginning to buckle. His hands were splattered with golden and indigo blood. His breath was already beginning to get stuck in his throat but he forced himself to breathe, even if it was short rapid breaths. He looked down and saw them.

One tall, muscular body with its arms and legs tied up was lazily thrown towards the back of the large cold room. There was a large pool of blood in front of it, some more blood dripping into the puddle from the neck. The head of this body was carefully set on the body so it wouldn't roll off. Thankfully whoever had set the head had made sure to face it away.

Karkat looked down. Another body was there, this one thinner and weaker looking but Karkat knew better. This body was far from weak. The head of this body was cut off as well, the pool of blood was smaller here and it seemed like some blood had managed to squirt out and land on Karkat's lower leg. The head for this body was placed on top of the body's back, facing directly toward Karkat. 

He let out a quiet, strangled sob and dropped to his knees. The weapon that had caused the death of this poor, beautiful troll was tucked somewhat underneath the corpse, splattered in both indigo and golden blood. Karkat let out another sob, his lower lip quivering violently.

"Sollux, Sollux..." He reached over and witch shaky hands he took a hold of the decapitated head, bringing it to his chest and hugging it tightly.

_"How do you feel knowing you're the killer in this disgusting, twisted scene?"_ Karkat let out another loud sob in response to the disembodied voice. _"Drop the head of your murdered matesprit and laugh at the golden blood that will forever stain your pathetic grey skin, Peacekeeper."_

_No no no._ He held onto the head even tighter and shut his eyes, letting out more sobs.

_"Go back, make it right..."_

Karkat opened his eyes and the scene had changed. He was backed up into a corner. He was gripping a desk so tight his knuckles turned white. Everything was blurry for a  moment then his vision came into focus.

Sollux was there again, bleeding out the back of his skull and thrown against a  wall. He could feel himself want to cry again but he forced himself to keep it in. It wasn't too bad, Sollux was still breathing. He was fine. Karkat turned his head to see two more bodies with disturbingly similar wounds, a giant gaping hole in their torso. Feferi's eyes were open and a frightening expression on her face. Kanaya was on the floor, her expression looked more peaceful than anything. He slowly moved towards the corpse of the Jade blood and knelt down besides her, picked her body up and pressed a kiss to her lips in hope of reviving her.

Nothing.

Karkat took a deep breath and went back to Sollux, dragging his body out of the room.

After hassling with Terezi and Sollux, who was now awake, Karkat continued his little walk, looking for more of his friends and hoping that no one else had met a terrible fate. He walked into the next room and was greeted with a bloody surprise.

It was just...a pile. A pile of his friends, of his _dead_ friends. He was getting dizzy, the different blood colors blending in with one another.

This wasn't right, this wasn't how it happened.

**"Who gives a shit if this was or wasn't how it happened, it happened and you are responsible."** Karkat's took a step closer to the large pile, the tears in his eyes blurring his vision. **"You did all this. You did it and now you're going to run away from it? Fucking pathetic. You're a disgusting troll, a horrible friend, and just a flat out shitty leader."  
**

"I was..." Karkat mumbled to himself, kneeling besides the corpses and brushing the hair out Eridan's lifeless face.

**"You make me sick."**

"I make myself sick..."

**"Don't run away. Don't you dare try to run away from this. Stay here, make it right..."**

Karkat shut his eyes, mumbling a quiet apology to his dead friends. When he opened his eyes the scene changed again.

Karkat was staring out into nothingness. He only saw pure black everywhere  he looked. In a sense it was calming, nothing was there to attack him. Nothing was around to make him anxious, no corpses around to make him feel like absolute shit. In his mind there was the tiniest voice saying that he should be scared for those exact reasons but he paid no attention to it. Nothing would happen.

_"But what if something does happen? You won't be prepared. You'll get yourself killed."_ Like a spotlight turning on, he suddenly appeared a few feet in front of himself with lighting shining on him. There he was, The Peacekeeper. He was dressed in his armor, the armor that was practically a part of his own skin for so long. His eyes were sharp and cold, the gaze fixated uncomfortably on Karkat. He had his twin sickles strapped to his hips and in all honesty, Karkat was scared of this mature and deadly-looking image of himself. _"Don't be an idiot. I know you know that this very place should be one should fear the most. You can't see anything or anyone. Someone could be sneaking up on you right now, ready to kill you."_ He's right. God what was Karkat thinking? He could feel the anxiousness of the scene closing in on him. He felt vulnerable. He felt eyes staring at him from all around. He felt-

**"Don't be a dumbass."** Another spotlight turned on and there he was again. There he was, Karkat Vantas. Shorter and younger. His stance was confident but his facial expression hinted self-doubt. His loud voice was a different thing entirely. Unlike The Peacekeeper's authoritative and confident voice this younger Karkat's voice was a gross mixture of emotions ranging from pleading to assured. It was disgusting to hear his own voice being used in such a way. **"Nothing is going to fucking happen, you're being overly paranoid and it isn't fucking good for you."** He was right. No good could come from too much paranoia. If he kept up like this he'd be the very cause of the things he was trying to avoid.

_"Don't listen to him, he's an irrational six sweep old. He's an overemotional dunce. He hasn't been in a real battle yet. He isn't experience like me, like us. He has no say in this."_

**"On the contrary you sniveling fucker, I've been in plenty. My entire goddamn life is a battle of survival. A battle of keeping up shitty charades and a battle of keeping my very self together. So would you kindly shove a pole up your ass and shut the fuck up."** Karkat didn't know where to look so instead he kept his gaze down. He had no clue what the hell was going on and didn't plan on asking, both of these images of him were kind of frightening.

There was an awkward and tense silence between them for what felt like an hour. Karkat didn't know if he was supposed to talk or not. Thankfully though one of the two broke the horrendous silence.

**"Dave."** He looked up at his younger self in confusion.

_"Sollux."_ He glanced at The Peacekeeper, even more confused.

"What?" Karkat blinked and looked between the two other Karkats.

**"The two of us failed to mention what we're here for. Well more that gigantic prick began going on about how scared you should be of nothing before I could make my grand entrance and present myself as the one sane portion of your conscious.** **"** The Peacekeeper rolled his eyes but let the younger troll continue talking. **"Listen, I'm going to be blunt. You're fucked up in the head. You're fucked up bad. You keep believing things will get better if you take certain courses of action but in reality you're just making them a billion times worse. You're messing yourself up dude."**

_"I, on the other hand, believe other wise. What you're currently doing is taking the path that is going to make you happy. So in that case you aren't fucking up."_

**"Before we get into a gigantic argument on our different points of views, I just need you to understand that he and I,"** he motioned to himself then The Peacekeeper, **"are completely different people, in a sense. I'm the more reasonable one that went through shit in SGRUB. He's the psychopath that went through shit in fucking Beforus and came back as a war veteran of sorts. He never experienced SGRUB in your mind and I never experienced a mass genocide in your mind."**

"Then who am I?" The two other trolls stopped and looked at each other for a moment. This was more of a difficult question than it should've been.

_"You're you."_ The Peacekeeper finally spoke in a confident, yet slightly uncertain tone. _"You are...us. You're a...fusion of us."_

**"No,"** the younger troll cut in, **"you're not. And clearly he wasn't around for talking seeing as every single part of that sentence was moronic. But you're not us, but you are. You went through everything that made us individually but you're a new person for it. That's the best possible way I can think to put it."** Karkat thought about that and nodded a bit. He supposed it made sense. **"We aren't here to talk about this though. We're here to talk about you going-"**

_"-home. You going home."_ The Peacekeeper's booming and powerful voice returned _. "Making Equius build the machine was an excellent idea. This world, these people, it isn't for us. We belong back in the kingdom, back with Her Imperial Radiance. That is the life we know. That is the life we're accustomed to. Our friends are there. Our hive is there. Our reputation is there. What more could you ask for?"_

**"Literally anything."** The younger Karkat took a step forward. **"Going back isn't a smart decision. There is nothing for you. YOUR matesprit and moirail are both dead and from the sound of it, by now people will think you're either A) dead. Or B) deserted. And if they think it is the second option you're going to get your ass killed."**

_"The Empress is an understanding troll. She will hear me out. She will understand what happened and my life will go back exactly the way it was."_

**"It won't. Listen, you've been here for months now. You've begun a new life here. You live with Dave, your friends are always within an arms reach. Hell, all of your friends are alive here! What more could you fucking ask for?"**

_"Perhaps the honor of being called a Knight. The eternal gratitude of an entire kingdom and Empress. The unconditional love of family."_

**"Yeah okay but what family? YOUR Sollux and Equius are both dead. Your supposed children are in the care of whatever weird kingdom appointed orphanage now. You have no family there."** The younger troll turned to Karkat and looked him straight in the eye. **"You would have no family there. You'd be alone. And we both know we hate being alone."** Karkat bit his lip. His younger self had a point. He couldn't stand being alone. **"You have Dave here. You have Kanaya and Terezi and even Gamzee here. You have all of your old friends back. That is what I- we -considered family. If you go back you'll be leaving them all behind."**

_"But if you go back you'll be a legend. You'll be written in books for centuries. You'll have everything you want. If you go back you can raise your grubs yourself and tell them stories of The Marksman and The Architect. If you go back you can be a historical mark, you can affect the lives of many for the better. Your life will have purpose again."_

**"But you won't be happy. You won't be happy like you are here. You won't be happy over there because Dirk isn't there to casually meet up with you in a park and talk to you. You won't have Kanaya and Rose pestering and annoying the crap out of you for details on that shitty life you lived. You won't have Dave making you some gross meal for dinner and telling you about his mundane day. Shit, you won't even have that little time slot in the day where you just stare up at the ceiling in complete silence."**

Karkat stood there quietly. His gaze was still fixated on his shoes. He was confused and overwhelmed. He didn't know what to do. Both sides of himself had a point, but he didn't know which point he liked the most.

**"Please..."** the younger troll had angry tears in his eyes. His hands were balled up into fists and his voice was pleading. **"Don't do it. Don't go back to that shit infested hell hole. You have nothing there. You're screwed up in the head because of the god forsaken place! And yet you want to go back?! What kind of idiot wants to do that?! You can't leave them, you can't leave this!"**

_"You're exaggerating."_

**"Why don't you go screw yourself you dick muncher! I never got to see everyone I care for alive at the same time or even in the same room! And here's this asshole trying to go to a place that's the exact opposite!"**

_"You're an idiot. More than half of those people are a disgrace. I can't stand to be around them for more than a second. And the humans want nothing more than to use me for their own twisted games."_

**"That's because you were practically brainwashed by the seahorse fucking sea dweller you cunt! And that chucklehead Gamzee made you think the others were assholes. He made them into assholes! He was the goddamn king of assholes there!"** He turned to Karkat, the red tears staining his cheeks though the stain was washed out by the angry shade of red dusting his cheeks. **"Don't do this. Don't do it to yourself. Don't do it to Dave. All he wants is for you to be better. He just wants you happy. Why do you think he hasn't mentioned Beforus in so long? He knows that won't make you happy."**

_"Oh and suddenly we have to rely on a human to tell us what makes us happy? No. I will tell myself what makes me happy and what would make me happy is going back home, back to the place where we had a purpose in life. Back to the life where we were adored by an entire kingdom and kept the people we most cared for safe."_

**"Safe?! You killed your Quadrantmates! That isn't keeping them safe, that's the exact opposite!"**

_"It was for the good of the Kingdom...The Warlorde believed them to be threats."_

**"Yeah, he thought they were but you KNOW they weren't! His excuses are complete shit in its purest form. Literally! It's like he just reached up his ass and grabbed the biggest clump of crap he could find!"** The Peacekeeper rolled his eyes.

_"It's disgraceful seeing myself using such foul language and saying such a juvenile insult."_

**"Yeah? Well get fucking used to it. This is what you used to be and this is what you'll always be, nooksniffer."**

"Stop." The Peacekeeper and younger troll broke their glares at one another and instead looked at Karkat. Karkat looked nervously between the two and stood up a bit straighter, trying to mimic the confident stance of The Peacekeeper. "Stop arguing and just tell me what the hell you two want." The two looked at one another, silently asking who would go first. The youngest troll motioned for the elder of the two to talk.

_"I want you to go home, back to Beforus. Back to where we meant something and were useful. We had a reason to live there, we had a purpose. Here we mean nothing. Your old friends have already set up their kingdoms or government or whatever it is they want to call it, and you are not included. Everyone else here has a purpose, a job to this world. You're...and alien. Plain and simple. You have nothing. Sure, for now you have people who care for you. A place to stay, something you may consider home, but when they all deem you fit to live on your own you will have absolutely nothing."_

He stood there, looking down, horrified. Karkat's eyes widened slightly with the realization that he- The Peacekeeper -was right. He had nothing here. Dave may not cast him out into the streets the first chance he got but he would eventually. He would when he gets tired of taking care of Karkat, buying him food and clothes. Spending hard earned money on Karkat who doesn't do a single thing all day.

**"Don't listen to him."** Karkat looked up. **"That prick is full of shit. You do have something here. You have more than what we had on Alternia. We helped create this goddamn universe, you may not have political power here yet but you helped make this universe. Without you it may not have of been done and everyone knows that. We have spent too many hours of our life staring at our crappy reflection wondering what the hell we would do with our short, pathetic life. Remember waking up terrified every morning? Thinking the fucking drones would come knocking on our door while Crabdad was out? Thinking maybe that day would be our last? Look at us now. Our friends are all alive, hell, you just got asked out by Dave."** Karkat, both the younger and current one, was crying. Although the younger one was crying more. He forgot how emotional he really was.  **"You have something here. You have the liberty of waking up every morning next to someone who actually cares about you. You can wake up knowing your blood color isn't a problem because there are hundreds of other trolls with the same color! Please, please don't fuck up the greatest thing we have."**

Karkat sniffed and wiped his tears away with his sleeved. Maybe this mind-version of himself was right. He did have a home here, he had his friends, he had freedom and safety here. Maybe going back wouldn't be a good idea at all. He would have absolutely nothing back there. Nothing but going back to a life of minimal eating, next to no time for himself, and no quadrants. He wouldn't be happy at all.

_"Think about it. It's ultimately your decision, just make the decision you deem fit. The one that makes you happier."_

Karkat blinked and opened his mouth to say something but before he could get a single word out, he woke up.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy fuck sorry for publishing this so late. It was finals week for me last week and I had to study, plus i had my SAT and i was writing the chapter after this one. 3k words coming at you guys soon.

"Is it done yet?" Karkat asked into the phone in a hushed voice. Equius, who was on the other line, sighed loudly.

"No, Karkat. It is not done yet. It may get done a lot sooner if you stopped calling me so many times a day to ask if it is done. I have already assured you that I will call you when it is ready. Understand?"

"Yes," Karkat sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "Sorry, this shit is making me anxious and I just _really_ want to see it done already."

"Well you have to wait, you cannot rush my work Vantas." There was an awkward silence for a moment then Equius spoke again. "I hear you and the Time God, Dave, are officially in the flushed quadrant." Karkat chuckled.

"Yeah. Let me guess, you heard it from Kanaya?" Equius grunted. "Yeah she's been going around spreading that shit like crazy. It's like the second coming of that one guy humans worship. She seems really really fucking happy because of it..."

"She has a right to. When you came back you practically bit his head off, now you're off on dates with him. I have to admit it is a remarkable improvement for you, I thought you'd never get past the incredibly embarrassing stage of your life when you clung to my hand and believed me to be your moirail. If that had gone any longer Nepeta would've let her jealousy get the best of her and that would not have of ended well for either of us."

"Heh, yeah. I don't think I'd want to face her in a shitty mood like that. The Nepeta on Beforus wasn't exactly the nicest person when she was pissed off so I can pretty much assume Nepeta here would be the same."

"...If it wouldn't be...too much strain on you I want to know what your Nepeta was like. She seems interesting." Karkat bit his lip and and checked the time.

"Equius as much as I would love to reminisce about my old days in Beforus with my old pitch flame Nepeta but Dave's coming home in like five minutes."

"I understand. We shall continue this conversation another time. Have fun out on your date with your matesprit."The two hung up and Karkat sat there on the couch, waiting for his matesprit to come home.

His matesprit.

Just thinking of it made Karkat's stomach turn to butterflies. He was so fucking happy now. Dave was his matesprit. They were dating and flushed and it was wonderful. It was like now that Karkat knew Dave was there for him, now that he knew for a fact he for sure wasn't a major nuisance, he felt better. He had Dave now and he was assured he had him. 

It had been a little over a month since he had that dream. The dream with The Peacekeeper and his younger self. He still didn't know what to make of it but he was almost positive it was something. It was always something. The one thing that stuck out at him, however, was the way he changed. It was weird seeing himself but it really _wasn't_ himself.

Three to four sweeps ago he was a small fireball of fake confidence and an aura of anger. He cursed to assert his authority and had a seemingly permanent scowl on his face. Seeing himself in that way again seemed so...childish. All the needless curse words were kind of surprising and the glare he had on looked unnecessary. But it was how he managed to stay sane in his younger years on Alternia and during SGRUB.

Then there was his personality just a little over a year ago, on Beforus. The Peacekeeper was...a special kind of troll in Karkat's eyes. He changed so much, from the passionate young troll to an older, more mature troll. The Peacekeeper spoke like an ancient dignitary with such a strong voice. Really he reminded Karkat of his ancestors, or at least Vriska's ancestor. Her ancestor seemed to have spoken with the same confidence and the same goofy manner of putting words together that Karkat didn't really seem to get. Overall he was just so much...different. 

Then there was Karkat. Current Karkat. Karkat who barely cursed now and wasn't as loud and outspoken as he was in his younger years and when he did speak he wasn't as confident as The Peacekeeper. He sort of kept to himself but there were times when he would burst with laughter and chatter. Those times were mostly with Dave, Rose, or Kanaya. Sometimes Sollux. Karkat was always worried and wondering if the others would feel like they were getting a cheap knockoff the real Karkat, he had to admit he felt like a cheap knockoff. But Dave assured him no one cared, everyone had changed one way or another.

"I'm finally fucking home," Dave announced as he quickly shut the door behind him. "It was hard as hell trying to get through stand-still traffic in a motorcycle. I should've never taken the freeway." He plopped himself down right besides his boyfriend and wrapped an arm around his waist, kissing his cheek. Karkat grinned. "Sorry I'm late for our designated date night, but don't worry, I have the greatest thing planned out."

"I'm sure you do and I'm actually pretty excited for tonight's date night."

"You should be, there is no way in hell that your one year anniversary of reentering our lives was going to go unnoticed. We are going to celebrate the right way."

"And what would 'the right way' be?" Dave chuckled and shook his head, standing up and shrugging off his jacket.

"Nope, no way are you getting me to spill the beans on my totally romantic date idea. You just wait your cute little troll ass here for five, ten minutes tops, and I will be right back." Karkat rolled his eyes but nodded, playing along. Dave leaned down and kissed his cheek before giddily exiting the apartment. 

Karkat waited an entire eleven minutes before Dave returned, a little out of breath. "Okay, Okay its done. Come on." The troll stood up and walked briskly to Dave who gently grabbed his matesprit's hand and began leading him up a series of stairs. Before long they ended up on the very roof the apartment complex. Not too far away was a blanket spread out with a couple of candles lit. A small basket was there as well, most likely filled with the food Karkat liked most.

"I remember back on the meteor I told you about how I used to like stargazing when Bro was out late and I could have an actual quiet night, you said you never really got a chance to do that since there were always killer robots  or some shit around and well, y'know, I kind of figured you didn't get much of a chance to do that while you were our being Mr.Hero so I thought it'd be a nice treat." Dave smiled expectantly, waiting for Karkat's response. The troll didn't say anything, in all honesty he didn't remember ever telling Dave that but he was positive he did. He stared at the blanket down on the ground and the candles and the little basket, then he looked over at Dave, then he looked up at the stars. The night sky was beautiful.

Karkat smiled and looked back at Dave who was still patiently waiting for an answer. "It's great Dave, thank you." Dave smiled widely and he picked his boyfriend up bridal style, carrying him over to the blanket. He gently laid him down and stretched out besides him.

The two lounged there in silence just looking up at the stars. Dave mustered up the courage to slide his hand into Karkat's and Karkat happily responded with a gentle squeeze. 

"I can't believe it's been a year already dude..." Dave laughed breathlessly. "I just...Can I just say I'm proud of you? Like, really goddamn proud of you dude."

"Dave, there really isn't anything to be proud about."

"What? Of course there is! Listen, I'm gonna rant or whatever for a sec and I want you to listen to every goddamn word I say okay?" Karkat sighed and nodded. "Okay. Again, I'm really proud of you. Really proud of you dude. When I first showed up at Aradia's house that day I was scared as shit, I did not think you would be the same as I remembered and I was right. When you first came home you were, to be blunt, aggressive. You did not want Gamzee or Vriska or Aradia near you and you made sure they stayed away by fucking hitting them on the head. When you first came back you said you were scared of me and that hurt, but I just hoped it'd be a phase. About a month or so later and Sollux calls me to tell me you want to live with me. In all honesty that was the happiest and scariest day of my life. Karkat I was terrified of you. I thought you might wake up one night and gut me like a fish but you didn't. That day that you came to live with me I made a promise to myself and to you. I promised I would take care of you and help you get better. That shit wasn't easy, you know that. To be honest with you, I thought about just...giving up. There were times when I thought I was the shittiest person for you to be living with considering 'evil Dave' was still hanging around in your brain...I just thought Kanaya, or maybe even Sollux, would be a better option. I was scared Karkat. I was scared I wasn't doing anything but making you worse in every possible way and I only wanted what was best for you. Anyway, I still tried to help you out and help myself out. All in all it was tough as shit...but I'm...I'm really glad I helped you Karkat. I'm really fucking happy that you're back and I'm just...I'm elated that you're happier now."

Karkat had a small smile on his face. It made him happy to hear Dave say that, though he did feel bad for all the hardship he had put Dave through but the giant smile on Dave's face assured Karkat that everything was fine now and all was forgiven. They scooted closer to one another, staring into one another's eyes now instead of the stars.

"Karkat," Dave pressed their foreheads together, his heart racing, "I'm so proud of you and everything you've done. I love you so much, I hope you never forget that. And I'm not just talking that friendly love, y'know the kind for your friends and shit. I'm talking full on 'I want to live with you and hold you forever' kind of love." 

Karkat giggled and rested his hand on the side of Dave's face, his thumb gently caressing his cheek. "I love you too Dave." Dave's heart practically melted in his chest. Hearing Karkat say that after so long it just...it destroyed him. 

Dave hesitated a moment but he couldn't control himself. He leaned in and pressed his lips against Karkat's, kissing him sweetly and lovingly.


	29. Chapter 29

The two of them stayed out there under the starry sky, enjoying each other's company. They fed one another the tuna sandwiches (those were Karkat's favorite) Dave made in a semi-panicked rush and had a nice desert of multi-flavored jelly beans, the kind that range from flavors such as strawberry cheesecake to vomit although Dave was sure to pick out _only_ the ones that tasted good. When it had finally gotten so cold that cuddling one another under a blanket couldn't help them, they packed their things and went back downstairs. 

Karkat took a relaxing, warm shower. His mind wandered to his life this past year. Like Dave said, he improved. A lot. He remembered those times when he would wake up in tears and shaking from dreams where he relived the senseless killing he used to do. The many faces of the innocent trolls that just happened to be taken under the control of The Persuader haunted his dreams. Those days he was too scared to walk out into the small living room and talk. No, instead he would stay locked in the room and allow his mind to toy with his latest nightmare. He'd allow himself to see Dave, the other Dave, standing there trying to convince him that he was better off gone. gone being either back on Beforus and working as a knight or dead. Either was fine just as long as he wasn't here.

Then there were nights where his nightmares were worse. Nothing gruesome in his dreams. No bloodshed or violence of any kind instead it was something more emotionally painful. He'd have dreams of himself just sitting alone in his old hive. A pile of papers in one corner and a pile of scrap metals in the other. Those dreams he was slow in realizing what was going on. He'd call out their names. _"Sollux...? Equius...?"_ When there was no response he would rise and wander around. Soon enough after he had walked into a couple of empty rooms he'd realize what happened. 

In those dreams Karkat would wake up slowly, it was as if his eyes didn't want to open. His face was fairly wet from the tears and his lower lip would quiver. His mind toyed with him and made him believe either one or both of his old quadrantmates were there. Sollux would have his head leaned against Karkat's shoulder, Equius would be holding his moirail's hand gently. The entire time Karkat would quietly sob to himself, apologizing over and over again. 

Those dreams were the worst.

But now he didn't mind them. Now they didn't hurt him as much as they did before. Now he has the confidence in himself and others to actually talk about this shitty dreams and feelings and thoughts he constantly had. And now, everyday he wakes up with a smile on his face grateful to have someone he can talk to and even though that someone doesn't always have a response at least he's there. 

Karkat turned the water off and stepped out. As he dried himself off Karkat glanced over at the window. It was all fogged up from his shower. He stared at it a moment before wiping it clean with his slightly damp towel. Now he could clearly see himself and his still badly scarred body. 

It isn't that bad.

Yeah, it wasn't. Now looking at it it wasn't that bad. He remembered looking at it before and being disgusted with his scars, every single one representing a dark moment from his life but it was over now. It was okay now. His eyes continued wandering over his body, scanning every brand and scar in sight. His finger tips eventually grazed over the brands on his arms, specifically the two that classified him as one of the most important trolls in Beforus. 

"Karkat? You still in there? I seriously have to piss dude, I can't hold it any longer." The troll pulled his hand away from the sign forever engraved in his skin and began gathering his things before wrapping a towel around his waist.

When he was in bed, Karkat stared blankly up at the ceiling. He was shirtless this time which felt weird to him, he was used to having himself covered it most of the time. Plus Dave hasn't really spent so much time staring at Karkat's bare chest to get used to seeing his scars so it may be a bit awkward for him as well.

The albino flopped down onto the bed, instantly attaching himself to his matesprits side. Dave's head rested atop Karkat's chest and he tried his hardest to not grimace at the scars.

"Karkat?" Dave spoke as he set his signature shades down on the bedside table just behind him. "Ya know, I was thinking the other day about today and about how things...are different. Fuck, I feel like I'm just repeating myself over and over again. Sorry. Okay, from the top. I was thinking about today and our friends, specifically your friends. Last time you saw your friends all together you were...you weren't in the best of places so I set up a sort of a reunion kind of shindig for you and your troll buddies. But that's not all! I figured that you'd want to 'reconnect' with everyone so after you have your troll party the rest of us will join. If that's okay. If any of what I just said is okay. This would all be tomorrow by the way, I kind of set literally everything up during my lunch break today." Dave looked up at Karkat hopefully. He really had his heart set on having Karkat patch things up with, well, everyone. He had done a fairly successful job at doing that with Sollux, Equius, and Kanaya but it there was still work to be done with the others.

"Okay." Karkat finally answered after a minute. He didn't see the harm in it. He did kind of owe Terezi and Vriska an apology from what he did the last time he saw them. He could probably apologize to everyone else as well. Aradia, Eridan, Tavros...

Gamzee.

Ugh. That name sent a shiver up his spine. It's been a year and just the thought of that maniac clown's name still fired him up. Like that one name brought back some part of the Peacekeeper. He wondered...what if...

**No. You're better than that. You can behave yourself for one damn day.**

Yeah. He could, and he was going to. 

It wouldn't be that bad.

~

"Ready Karkat?" Dave asked the troll who was currently just staring at himself in the mirror. "If not they can all wait a couple more minutes..." The chatter from the other room was loud and only making Karkat more nervous than he already was.

**Don't be afraid.**

He wasn't afraid. Karkat cleared his throat and ran a hand through his hair. Good enough. "I'm ready." He turned around to face Dave. The other nodded and took his hand, leading him out to the living room where the crowd of trolls waited eagerly. 

It was like Dave had frozen all time. As soon as Karkat stepped into the living room everyone froze. All conversation stopped and everyone turned to stare at the man of the hour. Karkat stood there awkwardly staring back at everyone. Finally someone was brave enough to break the silence.

"So is he safe to approach this time or am I going to have to hold a chair in front of me so he doesn't bite my head off this time?" Vriska asked, an eyebrow raised.

"Of course I'm safe, I'm not a fucking animal."

"That's debatable." Terezi nudged her moirail in the ribs before going over to hug Karkat. After that everyone else followed suit and hugged the Cancer troll although Karkat did tense up when a couple of trolls embraced him. 

When all that was done with Karkat sat down, the others sitting around him as if he was going to tell an elaborate story which was most likely going to happen considering more than half his friends knew nothing of who he used to be.

"So??" Feferi asked. She was sitting cross legged just in front of Karkat. Aradia was just beside her, their arms linked together.

"So...what?"

"So tell us everything!" The seadweller exclaimed, her shoulders rising up in excitement. "We haven't seen you in so glubbing long! Tell us everything!" Sollux, who was standing not too far from her nudged her thigh with her foot. "oh, right, if you're okay with it."

"Yeah...Yeah I'm okay with it. If anything I actually _like_ talking about that shit at this point. I just don't know where to start."

"If I could offer a suggestion I would say just start with yourself." Karkat glanced over at Kanaya. "I am at a slight advantage, I know all about you and your previous lifestyle but our friends aren't exactly in the same boat as I so start with that." The red blooded troll nodded stiffly, staying quiet for a moment.

When he spoke again his words were awkward. His retelling of the story of his life was...uncomfortable in a way. It was hard to tell his friends who were now his friends again that in Beforus he had considered most of them wastes of perfectly good trolls. He didn't like saying it but, hey, they wanted to know his story and that was a part of it. 

As he told more and more of his story his words came flowing out easier. He sounded more passionate as he retold the time he had first laid eyes upon his soon to be matesprit (that had earned some understandable but still highly embarrassing teasing from his friends). When he spoke about his fights with The Purple blood and The Persuader his friends leaned forward, chins on their hands and elbows on their knees, hungry for more and more details of how his battles went down, although Gamzee did feel slightly awkward and maybe a tad bit guilty at hearing his 'other self' do that to his friend. Sounds of fear and shock emitted from the crowd as he told of days gone without food or water or sleep, just pure fighting. Finally, tears were most definitely shed by Karkat and his friends as he had to tell of the day he lost the two most important trolls in his life.

When he was done there was silence. A hand shot up into the air.

"I want to know more about us." Tavros spoke confidently. Karkat smiled.

"What do you want to know?"

"I want to know about...myself. You said something about me- him...about him being...a general...? Or something...I dunno. It's just interesting hearing about that, a completely different me living a completely different life." 

"Yeah!" Feferi nodded in agreement. "It's amazing hearing this! I've always had that dream of runnin' a troll kingdom that was peaceful and in a way it's like I did it! Ya know, minus the glubbing war that was going on while you were there."

"Easy for you all to say!" The Scorpio troll had been mostly quiet this entire time, only whispering snide comments into Terezi's ear while Karkat was talking. "I was a total fucking bitch! And I would like to mention that I would never _ever_ date that chucklefuck over there. Not in my life time." 

"Yeah yeah we all know you said that eighty times during the goddamn story Vriska." Before Vriska could retaliate to what Karkat said, he had begun talking again. 

As asked, he talked about the others. Tavros was first. It felt amazing talking about The Cavalier, Beforus' version of Tavros, and how his confidence and generally amazing skills helped out the kingdom and it felt equally as amazing seeing Tavros' eyes light up and smile spread across his face as he heard someone talk so highly of him.

Terezi's Beforian self, The Decider, had a more action packed beginning. She was the kingdom's Judge. Any lawbreaker went to her and she decided whether they were guilty or not and decided on the punishment. She was amazing at what she did and The Persuader despised her for it, so the Persuader did what was necessary and forced The Decider to scratch her own eyes out. If that wasn't enough she was also accused of letting those who were aiding The Persuader run free so she was put to death. Luckily for her Karkat was the one tasked with killing her and she managed to save him.

Nepeta was asked for next, twice, by both Equius and Nepeta herself. Equius was more eager to learn what she was than Nepeta. The Huntress was her title and she was, well, a hunter. She was fierce and merciless in battle and has ever only lost once. That loss was the one that cost her life. She was so determined she could successfully take out the highest threat, The Purple Blood, out that she went straight for him. Sure it seemed like she was winning at first but one bone-cracking hit later and he had his hands firmly grasping her sides and with one terrifyingly strong pull she was  now two halves of one dead troll.

Kanaya's story was a lot calmer than the others. She wasn't a warrior and she didn't exactly fight unless it was needed. Her title was The Caretaker and she did what her title intended. She cared for Her Imperial Radiance, being a sort of 'second lusus' for the Empress while on land. Before Karkat was around she acted as her body-guard, killing anyone who meant any harm to the Empress. She also was medic to The Peacekeeper, in fact it was thanks to her that he's managed to live this long.

The stories of the others left everyone feeling more awkward than fascinated. Eridan, The Warlorde, was an all around jerk. He was overprotective of the Empress, which was understandable, he did not allow Karkat many breaks, little less understandable, and would order the death of anyone he thought was a threat, a lot less understandable. However he did go into battle more often than expected of someone as high up as he was. The Mortuus, Aradia, had a somewhat sadder tale. She was living an exceptional life with her moirail, The Architect, until she had been taken under the control of The Persuader. After that she was shunned by everyone and eventually killed.

The Persuader and The Purple Blood's stories were brief as to avoid any more awkwardness. They were matesprits and leaders of the rebellion against the kingdom. Karkat managed to kill them both and took in the grubs they had together. That was all.

It was silent, painfully silent. The curiosity from before died down and now people were avoiding the eyes of the 'bad guys' of Karkat's past. 

"Wait here, I have something from over there." He stood up and quickly rushed to the bedroom where Dave was leisurly sitting on the bed, dicking around on his laptop.

"Whatcha doing?" The human glanced at his matesprit who was digging around in the closet.

"Oh, shit got awkward so I'm going to try to spark up people's curiosity or some crap." He pulled out a large book and tucked it under his arm. Dave stood up and walked over to the troll.

"Should I call the human half of this shindig? Tell 'em it's time to come over?" Karkat nodded and leaned in for a hug. 

"God, interacting with people is so exhausting. I am physically tired, I feel like I just ran twenty miles nonstop." Dave chuckled.

"First of all, I don't care if you used to be super troll, that is physically impossible. Unless...no. It is physically impossible. Second, want me to go out there? I can be your body guard." The Knight kissed his boyfriend's cheek. Karkat giggled. "I can shoo them away with a chair, 'Sorry but Mr.Vantas is no longer taking any questions, come back later!'" This earned some more laughs out of the troll.

"Oh shut up you." Karkat rolled his eyes and stepped away from the hug. "Just let the others know that they can come over know." 

"Will do." The two shared a quick kiss before Karkat returned to the still deafening and awkward silence of his friends.  He dropped the book down on the coffee table with a loud thud and everyone scooted closer.

"What's this for?" Eridan raised an eyebrow and picked the book up.

"For you guys. It has pictures of what you all looked over there and background information. Like a history book. Except it's kind of old. It still talks as if the war was going on and the two leaders of the rebellion were still alive." That sparked up his friends attention. they opened the book and began flipping through the pages.

"Is no one going to question why he carried this around over there?" Vriska grumbled as she tried to push Eridan out the way to allow Terezi room to see.

"Oh, you see while I was out all day I would some times read this calm myself down or keep the boredom away. I also just liked to look at the pictures of The Architect and The Marksman to remind myself that there was some good out there. Plus it was basically the only entertainment I had..." Vriska grunted. It seemed as if his question was enough to satisfy her.

The trolls all crowded around the book, flipping the pages and gazing at the amazing pictures. Not too long after Karkat had given them the book the human half of the party arrived. The rest of the party went off without a hitch. Everyone had a nice time. No one else brought up Beforus or The Peacekeeper, mostly old times in Karkat's hilarious group chats. Karkat even spoke fondly of his old times with Gamzee during the game (which surprised everyone given his relationship with Gamzee's Beforian self wasn't exactly friendly). By the time the party was over everyone was a giant mess of smiles and laughs. 

"Good night everyone." Karkat smiled, holding the door open for his friends. He was dead tired and ready to crawl into bed. Equius was the last one to leave. 

"Karkat," he leaned in and whispered in his ear, "It is done. The machine is ready for you." The blue blooded troll walked out without another word.

It was done.


	30. Chapter 30

_Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go._

Karkat was staring up at the ceiling, an arm around a sleeping Dave.

_Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go._

His eyes were wide. His heart was racing. He didn't know what to do.

**Stop. Think. Think. Think. Think.**

He shouldn't be panicking over this. This is nothing. It was nothing to him now.

**Stop. Think. Think. Think. Think.**

Fuck. What was he supposed to do? He had no goddamn clue what to do. The machine was ready. He had the key to Equius' hive. He could just walk right in there, push a button, and leave. He could go now. He could go back to them. Back home.

**No.**

_Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go._

Karkat looked over to Dave. He was turned away from Karkat, his back facing him. Even if Karkat couldn't see him he knew that he was drooling, his hair would be all over his face (Dave really needed a haircut), and even though he was asleep his eyes would be moving underneath his eyelids.

_Stop thinking. Let's go._

Dave grumbled and curled up more. Karkat was able to slid his arm out from underneath Dave. He sat up and stared at his matesprit sleeping. He could go right now. He could leave Dave alone to find out in the morning that his boyfriend was gone. Dave would panic.

**He would blame himself.**

He would freak out. He'd call out Karkat's name, thinking he's only in the shower but he had to be sure. He'd call once. Twice. Three times...four. Fuck. Karkat could already see Dave stumbling out of bed and throwing the bathroom door open only to find the shower empty. He'd call Rose first.

**Or Dirk.**

He'd be panicky and irrational. Karkat would be gone. He'd have no idea where his boyfriend was. He had him back for a year. This couldn't be it. This couldn't be it. He had to have more time with Karkat. He _needed_ more time.

Everyone would be panicking, looking everywhere for him. No one would know where he was.

Karkat sighed. What should he do? If he went back to Beforus he would never see his friends again. Dave would be devastated. They'd spend countless hours looking for him. They had only gotten him back _where could he have gone?_

**Don't do this.**

Karkat stood up, slowly as to not wake Dave up. He stood still for a moment before going to the closet and gathering his things from Beforus. As he grabbed his twin sickles he looked at them a moment. They were stained with blood and if he went back there was no doubt they would meet many more colors of blood. The sickles were placed in his sylladex, ready to go in a blink of an eye. He was ready to go.

"Bye Dave..." The troll murmured, leaning down to kiss his boyfriend's forehead. He would miss him. Fuck he would miss him so goddamn much. He was already beginning to miss him and his lips were still awkwardly pressed against his forehead.

**If you'll miss him so fucking much then don't go. It is that simple.**

No. He had to go. This life wasn't meant for him. Or was it?

**Yes.**

No. No it wasn't. Maybe at one point it was but now...now he had an entirely different life that he needed to live. A life that had purpose. A life that was filled with the things he's wanted since he was a young troll. A nice position in the empire, protecting it and the Empress. Having some sort of importance. This was the right thing to do for himself.

_Let's go. Let's go. Let's go._

Karkat managed to tear himself away from Dave. He murmured one last goodbye before shakily walking out the room, out of the apartment, and out of this life.

~

'I don't have to do this.' Karkat thought to himself as he hastily walked to Equius' home. It was true, he didn't have to. He could straight back to Dave's, lay down, and pretend nothing happened. He could do that. In fact, he _should_ do that.

He didn't.

He shoved his hand into his pants pocket and pulled out the key to unlock the blue blood's door. This was it. He was one step closer to going home.

It was a task to open the door. His hands were shaking so much he almost couldn't put the key in its keyhole. But he somehow managed and slowly tip toed into the building, shutting the door behind him.

_This is it. This is it. This is it._

He walked slowly as to not make noise, looking for the room with the one big machine in it. His first stop was Equius' makeshift workshop which was really his garage. Unsurprisingly enough, there it was. One step closer.

He passed a mirror. He took a look at it and really examined his face. Dark circles under his eyes (though not as dark as before thanks to restored sleeping habits), scars on his face, the look of complete and death. He was, of course, missing the hollowed in cheeks, sadness in his eyes, and the ever-present blood stains on his skin. Yeah. He was going back to that. Going back to the possibility of constant having to go out in battle. To kill and maim. To not eat or sleep nearly enough. To having to live in a world where he was...alone. Basically. Karkat sucked in a nice deep breath and closed his eyes, making his thoughts go away for a moment before he began inching towards the machine again.

The buttons were cold to the touch. Most of them were, thankfully, labeled. This was it.

His hands were shaking.

He blinked, not knowing what to press. What lever to pull. What the number pad was for.

_You know this. You have been studying this exact machine for perigees, just in ink and paper instead of actually seeing it in it's full form._

Right.

Another deep breath in.

He began pushing the buttons, his mind was foggy but his hands knew what they were doing.

He pulled a lever, whose to say that he would land in Beforus? What if he landed smack in the middle of space? Then what?

He punched in a set of numbers, what if they kill him when he gets there? If he ever gets there?

The platform on the machine glowed a bright white light. The small monitor said it was ready to go.

_Let's go. This is it. Let's go home._

**Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't go.**

With a shaky leg, he stepped onto the platform and allowed the blinding light to engulf him.


	31. Chapter 31

He opened his eyes slowly, the sunlight was bright enough to make Karkat shield his eyes. There was a sharp pain on his left side and on his chest. That probably wasn't a good thing. The troll let out a groan and slowly stood up off the somewhat muddy dirt. He stretched, his back cracking as he did, and finally took a good look at his surroundings.

It was all trees. Giant trees with leaves that overlapped one another and created a sort of roof that provided pretty great protection from the small spots of sunlight that was poking through. The trees were an unusually darker color than the ones he's seen lately. These had black bark with purple leaves. Karkat blinked, staring blankly up at the small sliver of sunlight that managed to poke through the holes of the tree's makeshift roof. Curiosity got the best of him and he slowly stuck his hand out and into the sunlight, yanking it back a second later.

It burned him.

He examined the appearing red mark on his grey skin and suddenly it hit him. He was on _Beforus_. It _worked_.

Karkat let out a breathless laugh, tears prickling his eyes (happy, excited, unbelievable tears of course). He was back on Beforus. He was home.  It worked.

"Oh my god..." he laughed and wiped his eyes. He just couldn't believe it. Slowly, he began walking forward. He was hoping he would at least walk out and find himself somewhere near civilization or at least in someplace he somewhat recognized.

He walked for hours, sickles in hands and ready to pounce at the very first sign of a threat. When the sky was beginning to fade into a pinkish-purplish color he stumbled upon the one place he for sure knew. The entrance of the small village that surrounded the Empress' palace. The gate was not guarded and from the looks of it no one was really awake. Karkat let out a small laugh, the grin on his face not showing any sign of leaving, and began jogging into the village.

As suspected, there was no one out and about. It was pretty early after all, the moon was barely poking out from behind the mountains. Karkat tightened his grip on the handles of his sickles as he strolled through the small pathway up to the palace. Everything seemed so...calm. So serene. Hopefully because the war was fully over and any threat against Her Imperial Radiance had vanished. If threat was still hanging over their heads than it probably wasn't in their best interest to have the very gate to the palace left unguarded.

As he made his way up the many steps to the front doors, Karkat stopped himself. He couldn't just stroll on in. He'd probably get his head cut off before they realized who he was. The troll thought for a  moment before backtracking and walking around the gigantic building to a small door on the left side. It was an entrance to the kitchen- nutritionblock, he had to get used to calling things their correct names- that really only Kanaya used. All the Empress' cooks had different duties that did not exactly involve leaving the kitchen. The small wooden door was slightly ajar, a glowing white light coming from inside. Karkat smiled and walk in slowly, keeping his back against the wall.

The rainbow drinker was hunched over a large crate, digging around in it. Two large grubs, they seemed nearly ready to pupate and become full-fledged trolls, were sleeping peacefully in a basket besides her. Karkat had to stop himself from speaking. Safety first after all. He took a couple more steps back, his back still pressed against the wall.

"Hello." The jade blood tensed and immediately turned around. She stood protectively in front of the grubs. Her tense pose relaxed slightly when she saw the familiar face of the troll who spoke a weird, alien language. She tilted her head in confusion and Karkat realized he had spoken English on accident. _"Pardon me, I meant to say hello Caretaker."_ He smiled a little, hoping that would make her calm down some more.

_"Peacekeeper? I simply cannot believe it is you. Who are you really?"_

_"I am who you say I am. I am The Peacekeeper, Her Imperial Radiance's personal and loyal knight."_

_"Impossible. He has died a solar sweep ago. You cannot be him. Tell me who you really are."_

_"The Peacekeeper. I did not die, I was imprisoned, lost really. The beam of light that seemed to have killed me merely took me somewhere...far away in the world. Now I am back."_ Karkat's smiled wavered a bit then completely disappeared to a slight look of fear as the glowing rainbow drinker stomped towards him and gave him a hard slap to the face that left a stinging mark on his cheek.

_"You_ bitch _! You left us here! Alone! I was the last to see you and...and I was constantly battered with questions on you and your disappearance! I was reminded daily of your death, your disappearance, you! It was hard for me! I didn't know what to tell them!"_

_"But what did you tell them?"_

_"I simply said that came stumbling out the nearby woods, half dead. you handed me your grubs before you were attacked by some still controlled trolls of the enemy and taken out. I would've helped but I had these poor defenseless creatures in my arms and my care. Everyone believed me. They went out looking for you but after a perigee they presumed you dead."_

_"Well it is close enough to what really happened. I applaud you for accuracy."_ Kanaya glared at the other troll. _"I understand that you are most likely overwhelmed at the moment but I would greatly appreciate it if you don't slap me again."_ She crossed her arms, her mouth twisting from a frown to a smile and back to a frown. Finally, she sighed and dropped her arms, gently patting her friend.

_"I truly am happy to see you but I am also very fucking angry at the moment. However I will put my negative feelings aside for the moment. I really missed you my old friend."_ Karkat smiled and he took the risk of hugging her. Thankfully she hugged him back and didn't snap his neck. _"Come,"_ she let go of Karkat, _"let us return you to your old respiteblock. I shall inform the Empress of your arrival. She will be most pleased to see you back and in one piece."_ He nodded eagerly. The rainbow drinker scooped up the two still-sleeping grubs and held them closely, leading Karkat out of the nutritionblock and through the tall and quiet corridors of the palace.

It was all the same. Everything was exactly the same. The hanging fuchsia banners proudly showing off the Empress's sign hung in the corridors. The beautiful aquariums displaying varying types of marine life (The Architect had done an amazing job) had some newer sea animals and marine plants. Portraits of previous generations in the Peixes bloodline were hung up with care. Once they were getting closer to the hall with Karkat's room there were more banners, grey with a vibrant red cancer sign on them. Golden replicas of his twin sickles were up on the walls as decorations and finally, a gigantic portrait of himself was right across the hall from the doors of his respiteblock.

_"As you can see,"_ The jade blood said quietly as she opened up the doors, _"you were quite missed. In fact there is a statue of you in Her Imperial Radiance's underwater palace."_ The Peacekeeper smiled and happily walked into his old respiteblock. _"I shall send someone here with some food for you. In the meantime I shall awaken Her Highness and inform her of your arrival. I believe we have a suit of your armor displayed behind a glass case. Perhaps you could wear that."_   With that, The Caretaker left Karkat alone in his room to relive old memories.

~

The moon was out, inching its way higher into the night sky. Karkat could hear the everyday noise of the village outside get louder and louder as more trolls began to awaken. News of The Peacekeeper's return had spread quicker than a forest fire.

The Cavalier was the one who brought Karkat his food. He had volunteered so he could see for himself if his mentor was really back. Upon seeing the red blooded troll Tavros had to contain himself. He was on duty, he couldn't go on and hug the very troll who had molded him into the troll he was today. So, instead of a heartfelt hug The Cavalier gave The Peacekeeper and firm handshake.

They talked for a while, Karkat had to make up and remember an utterly bullshit story of where he was and how he managed to survive. Tavros was engrossed in the story, eating up every detail in awe. Kanaya returned, saving Karkat from the made up story and its very fake details, announcing that Karkat was wanted in the throne room. The troll nodded and made his way down with the two others at his sides.

There was a large crowd of trolls on both sides of the room, all looking eagerly at Karkat as he made his way down the long room to the very front where Her Imperial Radiance and The Warlorde were sitting. Karkat had to admit, he was nervous. So many faces, so many eyes were looking at him. Staring, wondering, judging. He stopped a few feet away from the steps that led up to the thrones. Both seadwellers looked down at the trolls in front of them. Out of nowhere, The Empress sprang up and leaped down to Karkat, embracing him in a tight hug.

The red blooded troll staggered and hesitated in returning the hug though he did. It would be rude not to after all. The Empress released the other after a few moments, her precious fuchsia tears streaming down her cheeks.

_"You, my knight, have returned and I would like to thank the protectors of our universe for hearing our cries and bringing you back into our lives."_ Jeez, Karkat forgot how formally The Empress spoke.

_"Of course my dear Empress,"_ he responded with a nod, _"I would do anything to return to your side. As you said, I am your knight and I always will be."_ The seadweller smiled through happy tears, going to hug the other once more.

_"We all are ecstatic that you have returned, and if you so please you may return to your previous duties as The Peacekeeper as well. It is entirely up to you."_ Karkat smiled and happily accepted the offer. the trolls in the room rejoiced, joyously shouting of the return of the Legendary Peacekeeper.

The joyous moment didn't last too long however, a patrolling guard troll came bursting in to the throne room. He was panicking, claiming that a disgusting, alien looking creature was spotted flying around the windows. Karkat, of course, took it upon himself as his first act of duty since his return to find out what the odd creature was and stop it.

He, along with several other trolls, ran up to the rooms and flung open windows. However Karkat didn't need to poke his head out to find the potential threat, because the threat was right there in his red pajama bottoms and black t-shirt. His hair was disheveled and his signature shades were perched on top of his head.

At that moment, Karkat's heart dropped and he knew almost instantaneously that something bad would happen.


	32. Chapter 32

"Karkat!" Dave was pissed. More pissed than sad. The red blooded troll grimaced at how loud he called out his name and ran to the door, shutting it and pulling some furniture to barricade it. As he did that Dave floated down into the room. His arms were crossed and his red eyes seemed to be glowing in anger. Maybe that was just the moonlight that gave it that effect. "What the FUCK dude?"

_"Dave, I'm sorry. I just had to!"_ The human raised an eyebrow. Right. Karkat sounded like cicadas having sex to him right now. "I said I'm sorry. I had to come back."

"Why." Karkat blinked.

"Why...?"

"Yes. _Why_ did you have to come back? What the hell is the reasoning for this. Enlighten me." Karkat stayed silent, his mind slowly attempting to form an actual reason. In all honesty he had none other than; he didn't feel like he had an actual purpose on Earth, he felt like an outcast, and it was not the life for him. All those reasons were very much arguable and Karkat had no others so instead he stayed silent. "Karkat, please. I just need a reason for all this." More silence. Dave sighed, plucked his shades from his head, and ran a hand through his hair.

"Karkat. Look, this is what I think. You're...you're fucking...you're twelve. That's the only explanation. You are a literal twelve year old. You have a single mindset and you're stubborn and no matter what you will not change your mind on something you think is right. Or something you think is the best option. You're scared of change and after a year you're still scared of it after living it! You came back here because this," the human gestured at the cold room, "this is...this is your bat cave. Every twelve year old douche has one. This is yours. This is where you come to at the end of the day and unwind. This fucking mess is your bat cave. The trolls here are all part of your little clique and all you care about is being the most popular douche with too much Axe body spray on!"

"Dave, with all due respect, I have no idea what you're saying."

"I'M SAYING YOU'RE A KID WHO KEEPS DOING THE WRONG THING BECAUSE HE DOESN'T KNOW ANY BETTER!" Karkat jumped and shushed Dave. He didn't want the others to hear odd and possibly threatening alien screeching in his room. "Don't you shush me!"

"Dave shut up! Just calm down! Do what you always tell me to do when I freak out!"

"This is different! I just realised that my boyfriend is a goddamn idiot with a walnut sized brain of twelve year old boy!" Karkat shushed him again and made him sit down on a very stiff wooden chair.

"Dave please, calm down. I can't afford to have anyone hear you."

"Why do you care?" Dave was crying now. Angry and sad tears streaming down his face and making a small puddle on the desk in front of him. "It doesn't look like you give a shit about anything or anyone but yourself dude. No offense- actually _full_ offense, but you're being really selfish. You're only thinking about _you_. I would understand why you would want to go back a year ago but _now? Still?_ " Karkat couldn't look at him, he didn't want to meet Dave's eyes and how angry, sad, confused they must've looked. He didn't want to start crying too. "What about Kanaya? She just got you back too. She broke down fucking sobbing her eyes out when I told her you were gone. Rose couldn't calm her down. No one could. Do you know how heartbreaking it was for my sister? Seeing the love of her life breakdown because you left? Do you know how Kanaya blamed herself? She kept saying it was her fault. She should've seen some signs. Something."

"Dave I'm-"

"And what about Dirk? I know you're friends with him now too. You've been sneaking out to the park. You two talk a lot. He's considered you a close friend. He doesn't show much emotion but we knew. When he excused himself to the bathroom we fucking _knew_ he was breaking down. And Sollux? Terezi? Vriska? They were pissed. They kept screaming out your name everywhere they looked. They thought someone kidnapped you."

" _Dave_ -"

"What about me Karkat? Huh? What about me? I woke up without you next to me. I pretty much instantly knew you were gone. I thought you were lost or dead. Do you know how much it fucking _hurts_ to be here with you right now? Here in this...here on fucking Alien World because you hate everything so much you'd rather come back here. You talked so badly about this place. You had nightmares and hallucinations and undernourishment and pain and sleep loss and hours of crying and wishing you were dead because of this place, and yet you run right back here? Why? Is it me? Do you hate me? Do you even like me? Do you even _love_ me?"

Karkat stayed silent. He was scared that if he said anything he'd get another hard slap to the face that day. He kneeled down in front of the sobbing human and hesitantly put a grey hand over the pale one. Dave looked up, his eyes red and the skin around them pink and puffy from the crying. "Tell me something," Dave pleaded with a breaking voice, fresh tears streaming down his face, " _please_."

"I'm sorry."

"Tell me something more believable. I'm sorry isn't good enough in a situation like this."

"I suck." Karkat sighed. "I'm the biggest dick in the whole universe and I deserve the worst punishment. You're completely right. I'm a dick. I'm selfish and I'm putting you through needless pain. I only came back because...because I felt like my life had no meaning over there. I felt like a burden to you and everyone. I came back because this place is familiar. It's predictable. I don't know what can happen over on Earth and after all this time I'm still scared shitless. I came back because I'm a coward. I tricked Equius into making that shitty machine. I tricked you into thinking I was really confident in myself. I fucked up." Dave's crying died down a bit now, his hands were tightly gripping Karkat's as if thinking that if he let go Karkat might disappear. "This is cliche. We both know it's cliche, but I know nothing I will ever do can probably fix this but I will try. I'll try my ass off. I do love you Dave. I'm just a prick. A scared, selfish prick. I'm a coward." Karkat kept his head down, staring down at his boyfriend's feet, which were clad in black socks, to avoid looking at him. After what seemed like an eternity of silence, Dave spoke.

"I hate you." Dave whispered out. His tone made it obvious that the comment wasn't genuine and that made Karkat smile.

"That's fine. I hate myself too." The human let out a sad little laugh and sniffled again.

"Come home with me. Please. I don't want you here man. It isn't good for you. No matter how you much you try to convince yourself it is, just trust me. Don't stay. Come home."

_No no no no. Stay._

"Okay," Karkat nodded slowly, "I'll go back home with you. I'll go home." The albino smiled and pressed his forehead against his boyfriend's, mumbling a series of thank you's out at rapid speed. "Just let me do something first. Please. I need to say goodbye to the grubs, my grubs, first. I at least need to tell them goodbye. I may not know them but I still have to..." Dave thought for a moment before nodding. It was just a simple goodbye. What harm could it do?

"Yeah. Okay. But just know that if you try to run I will use my shitty time powers and no apology will make me start to forgive you for that one." The troll nodded with a small smile and stood up. Dave stood up as well. "So where do we go?"

"Not we. I. You can't leave the room. You're an alien here. The Empress already expects me to kill you for being a potential threat. I will be back. I promise."

"No Karkat,-"

"Dave. _Trust_ me. I will be back." Trust seemed like the very last thing Dave wanted to give Karkat at the moment but he had no choice. He sat back down and waved his hand to the door.

"I trust you." Karkat grinned and happily walked to the door. Before he left Dave called out to him, "I love you. Even after that."

The troll paused and turned around, replying, "I love you too," before jogging out the room to look for his grubs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's my [tumblr](http://karkatvantabulous.tumblr.com/) so you guys can come and talk to me about anything about the fic or not about the fic. You can also put in suggestions for my next fic too!


	33. Chapter 33

It was an honest mistake. It really was. Anyone could've made that very same mistake. Anyone hiding a potentially dangerous (though not really) alien in his room could've made the very same mistake Karkat made. At least that's what Dave kept trying to convince himself as he was being violently dragged down through a strange place, his face covered and hands tied up, as aliens dug their sharp nails- claws really -into his skin and yelled in their weird alien language. It was terrifying but Karkat would stop them and take Dave home soon enough. Right?

Dave hit what felt like a corner and groaned in pain. The trolls that were dragging him away thought that to be some sort of threat so naturally they gave him a nice kick to the ribs. The albino wheezed as quietly as he possibly could in this situation. He was really hoping Karkat was somewhere nearby. Maybe he was around the corner? Yeah. He was there, with his sickles in hand all ready to jump these two. He'd probably kick their asses. Yell at them or some shit. Then he'd take Dave back to his room and untie him, maybe give him some weird alien medicine for all the cuts and bruises he was getting. Then they would go home. Yeah. Yeah that would happen.

The two trolls stopped and spoke in their weird language. Usually Dave found the troll's language to be interesting, cute even, but now it was just terrifying. A door creaked open loudly and Dave was suddenly being dragged some more. The air felt cold and smelled like death. Disgusting, rotting bodies. He gagged and earned himself yet another kick to the ribs. They stopped again. Hands grabbed Dave by his underarms and he was being half thrown half shoved down and farther into an unknown room. The rag that had been covering his eyes was yanked off so he could properly see, not like he really wanted to. The unsightly faces of the other two trolls were so close to him he nearly asked for them to blind him again. One of them, a golden blooded troll judging by the color of her eyes, spoke and jabbed Dave hard in the chest. He did nothing, afraid he'd probably get stabbed instead of kicked this time.

The other troll, a gigantic bronze blooded chick with muscles bigger than Dave's head, stood from her crouching position and walked to the very end of the room. Dave's eyes followed her but they wandered to the many dark stains on the floor and walls. He grimaced, already knowing where those stains had come from and what they were. The buff troll lady came back with a malicious smile on her gross face. She was holding chains.

"No. No no no. You are not chaining me up. Don't do that." The golden blooded troll yelled something and gave Dave a nice slap the face. He should've guessed he'd get that if he yelled at an alien in an alien language. As guessed he was chained up. Arms and legs were now completely immobile thanks to the too tight metal or iron or whatever kind of chains around them. The two trolls spoke to one another (most likely about how pathetic Dave looked right about now), shared a laugh and walked out, leaving Dave alone in the cold room that reeked of death.

~

"Where is he?? Fuck where is he?" Karkat was acting stupid. Not much else to say other than that. "God fucking dammit. Fuck, shit, fuck." He threw open his closet doors and began tearing everything out. He was expecting Dave to pop out and yell _gotcha!_ but no such luck. Although subconsciously he knew Dave wouldn't be in there.

"Dave, Dave please come out. Come on..." He ran to his recuperacoon and poked his head in. He was really grasping at straws now. Why would Dave even be in there?

**He's gone. They took him. You know this, actually do something about it instead of running around like a complete dumbass, moron.**

"No. They didn't take him. Shut up." Karkat ran to the windows and pushed them open, poking his head out of them. Maybe Dave was just casually floating outside? Admiring the view? Yeah. He was just casually floating out there in front of a palace filled with trolls that see him as a threat to the Empress who just happened to be inside.

**Do something.**

Deep breaths.

Deep breaths.

He calmed himself down and carefully picked up his sickles. He could do this. Karkat against the world. He could do this.

 _"Oh, excellent. You are in here."_ He turned around to see Kanaya standing there. She was smiling softly. This time the grubs were not slung around her torso. _"The Warlorde has sent for you. He wished for you to meet him in the, erm, prison area in ten minutes. Though since you have already acquired your weapons we may leave now."_

Oh fuck.

Karkat sighed and ran a hand through his hair. God fucking damn it. What was he supposed to do now?

 _"Thank you Caretaker."_ He finally said after a moment of silence. _"I can escort myself. I may have been gone for an entire solar sweep but I still remember where that is."_ She nodded and left silently.

**Think think think. What will you do.**

He stared at his sickles. They were so sharp and surprisingly easy to use for beheadings. But he didn't want to think of that. Not now. Not with this.

_It's fine. Everything will be fine. You have done this before, what's one more time?_

Right. He's done this before. He could do it. He walks in, poker face on, ignore the pleas for some sort of alternative and with one quick chop the criminal is beheaded. Simple. He's done this before.

**You've done it to your matesprit before too.**

_"FUCK!"_ He slammed the butt of his sickle against the wall and breathed in some nice deep breaths. It would be fine. Everything would be fine. Slowly, he collected himself and tried to focus his mind on simply walking down to the prison area.

In an attempt to keep his mind clear he paid attention to the walls and its decorations. He passed many banners with his sign on it and many golden replicas of his sickles. Seeing those really only made everything worse.

**Think think think think. Get out of this. Do something. Save him. Save yourself. Think think think.**

Karkat stopped in front of the iron door. He was just outside and he had no plan whatsoever. His hand slowly reached out and pushed the heavy door open. He walked in, holding his breath.

"KARKAT!" A guard troll gave Dave a harsh kick to the face, successfully shutting him up. Karkat winced and willed himself to look as emotionless as possible. Just as he was when it was Sollux there instead of Dave.

 _"Peacekeeper,"_ The Warlorde grunted and walked briskly over to Karkat, "You arrived sooner than expected." Karkat nodded stiffly. _"Well a couple of our other guards apprehended this creature in your respiteblock. My guess is he broke in, perhaps hoping to catch you in there and kill you. Maybe he has heard of you and decided to take out the major threat first."_

_"I am assuming that is some sort of cleverly disguised compliment sir so I shall go ahead and thank you for it."_

_"It was and you are welcome. Now I understand that you are more used to doing this in the courthouse's containment room but we cannot allow too many of our people see this...this thing. It will bring chaos back into our empire. So, we will kill it here. Out of sight out of mind. Understand?"_ Karkat reluctantly nodded.

Eridan stepped aside, allowing Karkat enough room to kill the human. The red blooded troll stepped forward and held a sickle in his shaky hand. Though Dave was silent, he could practically hear him screaming and begging for Karkat to not do it. Pleading for him to do something, to save him.

 _'Fuck, fuck what am I going to do?'_ Karkat screamed to himself mentally. _'What can I do? Why isn't Dave doing something? He's a god. He can stop time. He can freeze them. He's a god, this won't kill him. What do I do?'_

**Only one thing to do now. Lift your head up high and blow your brains out. There is no way out of this.** **You officially fucked up way beyond repair.**

No no no.

Karkat looked down at Dave. He was crying, they both were. He was scared. They both were.

 _"Peacekeeper, hurry up and do it. We need to kill it before it kills us."_ Karkat nodded and lifted the sickle up in the air. Dave let out a loud sob and shut his eyes tightly.

"Karkat, please. Stop. Don't do it. Karkat." Dave whimpered out. He wasn't going to do it. Karkat wouldn't do it. He'd turn around and stab the Eridan-clone. He'd do that. He'd do that. He had to do that. He heard Karkat say something, quietly, in his native tongue. He didn't pay much attention to it. The Eridan-clone, however, seemed to get upset over what he said. The seadweller barked out and order and Karkat nodded obediently lifting the sickle up once more.

Karkat really didn't want to do it. He didn't want to do this a second time. But he had to. If he didn't and he tried to kill the guards and The Warlorde then run away with Dave they would get caught. Once they got caught they'd both get killed. Karkat didn't really see any other option. Or more, he wasn't thinking clearly enough to think of a much better option.

"Karkat," Dave whispered again, this time Karkat looked at him, "I know you're going to beat yourself about this but man. I just want you to know," he let out another sob, "that it isn't your fault dude. I get it. I get why you're doing this. Like when you told me about the Sollux. I get it. It isn't your fault."

 **Oh god**. _Oh god_. **Oh god.** _Oh god._

Dave smiled through his tears and it's like everything slowed down a bit. Karkat thought back to when he was in Equius' workshop, debating if coming back was a good idea. He remembered before that, in Dave's room. Thinking of how much he loved him. Somewhere in the background Karkat heard Eridan scream to kill him now.

"Karkat, I love you man." Karkat swung his weapon and with a stoic expression kill his matesprit.

That was when everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here it is everyone. We are reaching the very end of the story. Here's my [tumblr](http://karkatvantabulous.tumblr.com/) for all of you and just letting you know I have a superhero fic i'm working on that I will be releasing once i'm done with this one so keep an eye out for it. Until the end!


	34. Chapter 34

He was on the floor, his nails made some very noticeable scratches on the floor. And, well, like most overused scenarios, Karkat had woke up in a cold sweat. He blinked a couple of times, trying to figure out what had just happened.

Dave. Dave was chained up. He was crying. Karkat was crying too. Why was Dave chained up? Fuck, he couldn't remember. Okay. Okay. Dave was crying, Karkat was crying. It was cold. Dave was chained up. His cheek was red and bleeding a bit. There was someone yelling...yelling something. Yelling at Karkat. God, what were they saying? Wait. Dave was saying something too. Yes yes yes. Dave was saying something too. God what was it?

**It's not your fault.**

It wasn't his fault? It wasn't his fault. What wasn't his fault?

Karkat groaned and sat up. Dave was still asleep in bed, looking as peaceful and angelic as someone with the grossest sleeping face could. The troll stood up, his legs shaky for some odd reason. As he laid down in bed besides his matesprit he felt weirdly relieved. As if something had happened, something weirdly life changing. Karkat just couldn't put his finger on it though. He shrugged and stretched out on the bed.

_It's not your fault._

God it was bugging him. What wasn't his fault?

**It's.**

_Not._

**Your.**

_Fault._

It hit him like a truck.

_It was a dream_. He didn't go. He didn't go back to Beforus. Dave didn't go. Dave didn't get imprisoned. Dave didn't get hurt. Dave wasn't dead. _Dave wasn't dead._

For some reason Karkat sighed in relief. He had no real reason to be relieved. It didn't happen. Nothing happened. No one fucked up. It was all a-okay. Well, maybe that was reason enough itself but he didn't have time to dwell on that.

**"Congratulations. You did something completely reasonable for once in your unbearably painful life. I hope you're proud of yourself."** He looked up at the source of the voice and found himself sitting there. The exact same troll that had appeared in his dream a while back and tried to argue with the armor-clad troll and convince Karkat to stay home. 

"Am I still asleep?" The younger version of Karkat nodded.

**"Yes you are. Kudos to you for figuring that one out so quickly."** Karkat smiled slightly and sat up on the bed, pulling his knees up to his chest. **"I know what you were thinking, obviously since I'm a part of your thinkpan but that is besides the point. You were looking for something to convince yourself to stay or go. And we gave you** **a little taste of what we think would happen."**

_"Yes, well,"_ The Peacekeeper emerged from who knows where and stood proudly besides the younger troll, _"the whole statue in Her Imperial Radiance's underwater palace was entirely his idea. I simply added in the extra decorations in our memory."_ Karkat chuckled. "But, I say I must admit that I myself would not exactly care to go back to our old home if that were to happen. It would be...it would not be the same to say at the least. Much more stressful."

**"Yeah. I mean, sure Dave wouldn't immediately go to fucking enemy territory with no real game plan. He's a lot smarter than that. He'd probably bring along a couple of people...Rose, Vriska, John, Sollux, Dirk...everyone really. Then...it'd be worse."** The Peacekeeper nodded in agreement.

_"Yes, it would have been much much worse. I fear if The Warlorde had seen any of them he would order immediate execution. He is a cruel cruel troll. He would not have any remorse for killing aliens and he would not have any remorse for killing someone that looks exactly like the enemy or a troll he was certain you had already beheaded. Even if they were your friends. Although I believe if you claimed them all to be your friends you would have gotten yourself killed as well..."_

**"All in all it would be a shit party for you. You would have more blood on your hands, more deaths of people you care about on you. We already know how killing two people close to you made you, imagine how screwed up in the head you woulda been if you killed all your friends? You wouldn't of been able to move from the dingy little prison area."**

"So instead of letting me run out like a twelve year old and do something incredibly stupid and probably end up getting a bunch of good people killed you did this and...kind of foreshadowed shit for me." The two other cancer trolls nodded in unison. "Thank you. Really, thank you." The two nodded once more, small smiles on their usually either emotionless or bitter faces.

_"I believe that that was all we needed to let you know. The decision is entirely up to you at this point. We shall no longer butt our own personal opinions into your thinkpan and clog it up. You decide to go to Beforus or not. We have done all we could to sway you on one side or the other."_ Present-Karkat nodded. He believed that by now the decision was pretty damn obvious.

**"Goodbye asshole,"** The youngest troll nodded to him stiffly, **"I hope you don't completely destroy the lives of many."** Present-Karkat laughed, completely oblivious to The Peacekeeper who then hit him on the side of the head with the butt of his sickle.

And everything went black once more.

~

He woke up with a groan. This time he was in bed, breathing normally, and not sweaty. Unlike in his weirdly vivid dream the floor was safe from Karkat's claw-like nails. The troll looked over and was greeted with Dave's disgusting sleeping face. He smiled.

It was 6:45 in the morning. Dave's alarm would go off in about fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes until the Knight of Time, one of the creators of the universe, and God of this world would wake up with dried saliva on the corner of his mouth, gross eye boogers, morning breath that would kill any plant, and greasy hair. The troll scooted closer to his matesprit and pressed a kiss to his nose before he slowly slid out of bed. He had some business to take care of before Dave woke up.

Karkat tip toed to the kitchen, his cell phone in hand. He had already dialed Equius' number so now all he had to do was wait. It rang and rang and rang until the answering machine finally kicked in. _"This is Equius Zahhak, leave your business with me after the beep and I will reply to you as soon as possible."_ He waited a second, the beep sounding off. Karkat took in a deep breath and spoke.

"Equius, it's me, Karkat. Duh. Uh, anyway..." Confidence. Come on, confidence. "That machine you built is no longer needed. You can destroy it- no, just...save it. Put it away somewhere. In a storage unit or whatever. Hell, even bury it. But if you do end up doing that just make sure you but the actual machine in some sort of giant container. Just put it away somewhere. And do not press anything. Do not turn the actual machine on. And thank you for doing this. It means a lot to me. Goodbye." He hung up the phone, a weird feeling in his gut. He did it. He had gotten a way back home and now...he's shoving that aside. He had a home now he supposed.

It was 6:58 now. Weird. Time seemed to have sped up. Nonetheless Karkat walked back to his room and set the phone down. He turned around to face Dave's gross sleeping face. It was actually kind of adorable. And what made it more adorable was the fact that he was the only to be so close to Dave's face that he could already see the clumps of eye boogers.

The alarm went off, some generic pre-set tone playing. The human groaned loudly and flopped over, grabbing his phone off the ground and turning off the alarm. He groaned again, more annoyed this time, and turned to face Karkat.

"Morning." He yawned. "Sleep well?"

"Nope. It was...pretty stressful actually."

"Stressful?" Dave laughed and propped himself up on his elbow. "I did not think sleeping could be stressful but I guess it is now." Karkat nodded. "Is something wrong? I know I say that a lot but y'know...just making sure."

"No," The trolled smiled and leaned up, pressing a sweet kiss to his matesprits lips, "nothing's wrong. I just...I really like you. I really like waking up next to you in the mornings. And...yeah." Dave smiled widely. Karkat's stressful sleep made him wake up happier.

"Wow, thanks. I like waking up next to you too. Your face is adorable when you sleep. It's like you're angry in your sleep." They shared a laugh and stayed there for a moment, just enjoying their nice silence. Dave was the one to break the enjoyable silence. He kissed his boyfriend once more before standing up and stretching. "Come on, aren't you going to get up and start the day?"

"Yeah," Karkat nodded and stood up as well, "I will." Dave walked out, heading into the shower.

Something told Karkat that today would be a good day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and supporting this fanfic!! It's one of my favorite ones (that I've written) and I'm really glad so many of you guys enjoyed it! I do have another fic, [Don't Be Nice](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9129241/chapters/20746126), That you guys may like. And again, here's my [Tumblr](http://karkatvantabulous.tumblr.com/). Thank you all again!


End file.
